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Author Topic: Gratuitously Wasted Agent Reviews Stand-up Hotspot (G.W.A.R.S.H., the thread)  (Read 34227 times)

Spazzard

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One of the finest working mens club comedians:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKnwn9SEkdA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKnwn9SEkdA</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlKxLuBx0zE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlKxLuBx0zE</a>
« Last Edit: April 19, 2017, 07:42:33 PM by Spazzard »

J Dog

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In which I go full autism on Stephen Colbert
« Reply #376 on: April 21, 2017, 03:30:09 PM »
+12
Stephen Colbert is a late night comedian.  His job is to entertain people by making funny, witty and humorous comments about the day's events.  Here is Stephen Colbert addressing Bill O'Reilly's firing, a subject rife with humorous material:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbYpi_WbfkI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbYpi_WbfkI</a>

0:30 - Audience cheers at announcement of O'Reilly's firing.
1:15 - Audience cheers as Colbert presumably makes rude gestures towards O'Reilly while off-camera.
2:00 - Colbert calls O'Reilly a sexist and a racist.
2:18 - Colbert tells the first joke of the monologue.
2:40 - Colbert calls O'Reilly a racist again.
2:45 - Colbert tells the second joke of the monologue.
3:15 - Audience boos when Colbert says O'Reilly has high ratings. 
3:25 - Crowd cheers when Colbert calls O'Reilly garbage.
4:00 - Colbert starts doing his Colbert character.
4:05 - Colbert tells the third joke of the monologue.
5:20 - Colbert tells the fourth joke of the monologue.
5:30 - Crowd cheers when Colbert calls Trump a sexual harasser.
6:00 - Colbert tells the fifth joke of the monologue (about Tom Brady and Trump)
6:15 - Crowd cheers when Colbert makes a reference to the low turnout at Trump's inauguration.
6:45 - Colbert tells sixth joke of the monologue.  The crowd doesn't laugh because its about a Democrat.
7:18 - Crowd cheers when Colbert says Trump failed to get a majority of the popular vote.

Here's the breakdown.
Colbert told a grand total of six jokes during the seven minute monologue.  Only four of those jokes were about the rich subject of O'Reilly's firing.
The crowd cheered about three times more than it laughed.  There was maybe one joke which elicited more than one second of laughter. 
The entertainer and comedian spent the vast majority of his monologue hatefully calling O'Reilly a dirtbag and making mean-spirited political jabs at Trump. 
It was the first time I ever watched a Stephen Colbert clip and I must say that it was a thoroughly unpleasant experience. 

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I've never watched his show, and I have a hard time finding clips of his Election Night special, except for the last segment where he almost breaks down in tears because THAT is some amazing television. Not as good as the Young Turks election night breakdown, but close.

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Stephen Colbert is a versatile comedian he used to play a strawman Republican now he plays a strawman Democrat.
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It's actually really good because Drumpf is literally Hitler and controlled by Putin and also very corrupt with tiny hands.
"I'm really boring. My current hobbies right now are playing Animal Crossing on the DS and... I dunno, I did a bit of knitting last night for the first time in months after boy broke up with me over the phone (I can only cast on and knit stitch though). I surf the internet like every other person in the entire fucking world. I constantly have ideas that I never follow through on. I want to be a nurse someday. I want to drive. I nearly got my licence a few years ago but blacked out at the wheel due to my (90% now-cured) anorexia and haven't driven since."

The Watcher

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I've never watched his show, and I have a hard time finding clips of his Election Night special, except for the last segment where he almost breaks down in tears because THAT is some amazing television. Not as good as the Young Turks election night breakdown, but close.
Anyone have this?
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It's actually really good because Drumpf is literally Hitler and controlled by Putin and also very corrupt with tiny hands.

Quick someone sign PL for a late night talk show
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+2
I've never watched his show, and I have a hard time finding clips of his Election Night special, except for the last segment where he almost breaks down in tears because THAT is some amazing television. Not as good as the Young Turks election night breakdown, but close.
Anyone have this?

It was probably tricky to find if you were looking for it on his CBS show, but it was on Showtime.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXhFGO8R7aU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXhFGO8R7aU</a>

Near breakdown is at the five minute mark.

kornbeef

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I've never watched his show, and I have a hard time finding clips of his Election Night special, except for the last segment where he almost breaks down in tears because THAT is some amazing television. Not as good as the Young Turks election night breakdown, but close.
Anyone have this?

It was probably tricky to find if you were looking for it on his CBS show, but it was on Showtime.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXhFGO8R7aU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXhFGO8R7aU</a>

Near breakdown is at the five minute mark.
these things are a lot more fun when you watch the insufferable un-self-aware cockiness for three hours before the dawning realization they might not win

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I've never watched his show, and I have a hard time finding clips of his Election Night special, except for the last segment where he almost breaks down in tears because THAT is some amazing television. Not as good as the Young Turks election night breakdown, but close.
Anyone have this?

It was probably tricky to find if you were looking for it on his CBS show, but it was on Showtime.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXhFGO8R7aU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXhFGO8R7aU</a>

Near breakdown is at the five minute mark.
these things are a lot more fun when you watch the insufferable un-self-aware cockiness for three hours before the dawning realization they might not win

I can't stop staring at his deformed ear. It's horrifying and I can't look away.

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Yeah I work with a guy who has fucking Yoda ears. YOU try not stating at that.
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This is one of the best, funniest, and most overlooked SNL sketches Norm ever wrote:

https://vimeo.com/190327633

He wrote it knowing full well he was about to be fired. It is allegedly the last thing he ever wrote to make it to air, and he hints at it with the lines "I don't much care for you"..."A lotta people don't".

The bearded man is a very well camouflaged Garth Brooks

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http://www.returnofkings.com/121282/samantha-bee-and-other-globocuck-comedians-are-leading-the-rise-in-fake-comedy#disqus_thread

An okayish article that gives a name to this new rise in "comedy" that is really just attacking the president, "Fake Comedy." It pretends to be satire while doing nothing but reinforcing leftist talking points. Another good example was that bit with Steven Colbert where he tells the audience exactly how to react to Comeys firing. I truly think all the alt right needs is a good charismatic comedian to start a new counter culture movement.
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http://www.returnofkings.com/121282/samantha-bee-and-other-globocuck-comedians-are-leading-the-rise-in-fake-comedy#disqus_thread

An okayish article that gives a name to this new rise in "comedy" that is really just attacking the president, "Fake Comedy." It pretends to be satire while doing nothing but reinforcing leftist talking points. Another good example was that bit with Steven Colbert where he tells the audience exactly how to react to Comeys firing. I truly think all the alt right needs is a good charismatic comedian to start a new counter culture movement.

I've been trying to convince AoA of that for years, but he doesn't wanna do political humor...
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Handyman

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Steven Colbert made his career out of selling a strawman Conservative caricature to Millenials.  If you watched his show then it's no wonder why Liberals are so dull-witted.  They have never had to defend arguments or engage anyone intellectually.  Colbert's character is how the view everyone that they don't disagree with.  Now that the Alt-Right has taken over almost everything funny Colbert has nothing left in the tank and has been exposed as just another intellectually vapid angry Hollywood Liberal. 
« Last Edit: May 11, 2017, 08:34:55 AM by Handyman »

Handyman

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http://www.returnofkings.com/121282/samantha-bee-and-other-globocuck-comedians-are-leading-the-rise-in-fake-comedy#disqus_thread

An okayish article that gives a name to this new rise in "comedy" that is really just attacking the president, "Fake Comedy." It pretends to be satire while doing nothing but reinforcing leftist talking points. Another good example was that bit with Steven Colbert where he tells the audience exactly how to react to Comeys firing. I truly think all the alt right needs is a good charismatic comedian to start a new counter culture movement.

It has already happened.  Almost anything that is humorously, politically-related on youtube that is popular is something Alt-Right. 

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The media is never gonna let an alt-right comedian get to a point of major influence. The closest to it is Sam Hyde, and you can see the pain in the ass struggles he's had to go through for it. Also Gavin and the like are going at it.

Its an asymmetrical war. They've got a half dozen late night fags parroting their points, we've got tens of thousands of anonymous content producers spreading memes and making Can't Stump the Trump style videos.

Also it helps that our candidate wasn't an infinitely corrupt decrepit sick old lady or some ancient jew living in economic fantasy land whose most iconic visual is his own inability to manage his own fucking hair, lookin like a brokeass muppet giving up his microphone to a pair of sheboons.

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Case and point, ABC cancelled Tim Allen's show, despite strong ratings, because it was conservative and goofed on snowflakes

http://www.breitbart.com/big-hollywood/2017/05/11/abc-cancels-conservative-tim-allen-sitcom-last-man-standing/

Quote
ABC has cancelled its Tim Allen-starring sitcom Last Man Standing after six seasons, the network confirmed Wednesday.
ABC and production partner 20th Century Fox TV had reportedly usually negotiated over licensing fees for the comedy series before each season; this time, according to Deadline, there was no negotiation, and the network simply pulled the plug on the show.

The sitcom starred Allen as Mike Baxter, a marketing director for a sporting goods store who happened to be politically conservative, and his relationship with his wife Vanessa and his three teenage daughters. The show was one of the few (if not the only) broadcast network sitcom to appeal to conservative, blue-collar America, a true oddity since Allen has noted in interviews that the program was written by liberal writers.

A sixth-season episode found Baxter blasting politically correct “microaggressions” and drawing up a speech for his daughter’s graduation: “To quote future Nobel Prize winner Lee Greenwood, ‘I’m proud to be an American.’ Not just because I have the right to speak my mind or carry an awesome gun, but because it’s the land of opportunity. Some whiny babies might not think so, but in America, if you work hard, anyone can be successful.”


<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-CJ-oHs4SU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-CJ-oHs4SU</a>

J Dog

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Mandy is a 100% would.

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Mandy is a 100% would.

Is that the MILF or the hot little mama who dresses down?
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J Dog

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Quote
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/15/arts/television/conan-obrien-joke-theft-allegations.html

Conan O’Brien to Face Joke-Theft Allegations in Court

A federal judge has ruled that the late-night host Conan O’Brien must head to court to face allegations of joke theft, a rarity in comedy, where accusations often fly but rarely advance past that.

The plaintiff, Alex Kaseberg, claimed in a lawsuit filed in July 2015 that writers from “Conan,” on the cable channel TBS, lifted five monologue jokes from his blog over the course of more than a year. Mr. O’Brien’s team filed for summary judgment for the case in the United States District Court for the Southern District of California. Judge Janis Sammartino on Friday dismissed the claims for two of the jokes, but said Mr. O’Brien must face the allegations for the other three.

In a statement, Jayson Lorenzo, a lawyer for Mr. Kaseberg, called the ruling “a victory for comedy writers, especially lesser known writers.”

Mr. Kaseberg, a freelancer who said he has written comedy for Jay Leno and several publications, claimed the jokes were posted on his blog from December 2014 to June 2015 and appeared on Mr. O’Brien’s late-night show shortly thereafter.


Quote
Plaintiff greatly enjoys late-night television talk shows and posts many “monologue” style jokes to his blog and twitter account. (Id. ¶¶ 5–6.) However, the laughter stopped in late 2014 and early 2015, at least for a spell, when Plaintiff began to notice similarities between his posts and several of the jokes used in the late-night television show Conan’s monologues. (See id. ¶ 7.) After Plaintiff several times unsuccessfully reached out to Conan staff members he filed the instant suit for copyright infringement.

Plaintiff brought suit for Defendants’ alleged infringement of five jokes, spanning the time period from December 2, 2014 to June 9, 2015. (First Am. Compl. ¶¶ 14–27, ECF No. 58.) These jokes, in order of date of alleged infringement, are (1) the “UAB Joke;” (2) the “Delta Joke;” (3) the “Tom Brady Joke;” (4) the “Washington Monument Joke;” and (5) the “Jenner Joke.” Plaintiff reached out to several Conan writers during this same time period.

The UAB Joke: On December 2, 2014, Kaseberg posted on his blog that “The University of Alabama-Birmingham is shutting down its football program. To which the Oakland Raiders said; ‘Wait, so you can do that?’ ” (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 10, ECF No. 70-3 at 40.) The following day, O’Brien stated on Conan that there was “Big news in sports. University of Alabama-Birmingham has decided to discontinue its football team. Yeah. When they heard the news, New York Jets fans said, ‘Wait can you do that? It’s something you can do?’ ” (Id. Ex. 12, ECF No. 70-3 at 50.)

The Delta Joke: On January 14, 2015, at approximately 11:33 a.m., (Comers Decl. Ex. 2, ECF No. 70-8 at 24), writer Comers submitted a monologue joke for that evening’s Conan episode that stated “Yesterday, a Delta flight from Cleveland to New York took off with just 2 passengers. Yet somehow, they spent the whole flight fighting over the armrest.” (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 6, ECF No. 70-3 at 26.) Later that afternoon, at 4:14 p.m., Plaintiff posted on his blog that “A Delta flight this week took off from Cleveland to New York with just two passengers. And they fought over control of the armrest the entire flight.” (Id. Ex. 3, ECF No. 70-3 at 14.) Sometime over the next several hours, O’Brien performed a version of the joke in his Conan monologue. (See id. Ex. 6, ECF No. 70-3 at 26.)

Two days after the Delta Joke aired, Plaintiff tweeted Defendant Sweeney saying Plaintiff was “95% sure [he] had a joke from [his] blog used on the show. I’m not upset, [but] would like the opportunity to contribute jokes.” (Sweeney Decl. Ex. 2, ECF No. 70-5 at 14.) Sweeney received the tweet, but elected not to respond. (Lorenzo Decl. Ex. 3, at 55:1–14, 56:10–15, ECF No. 101-4 at 6–7.)

The Tom Brady Joke: On February 3, 2015, Plaintiff posted on Twitter at 8:49 a.m. and on his blog at 9:02 a.m. that “Tom Brady said he wants to give his MVP truck to the man who won the game for the Patriots. So enjoy that truck, Pete Carroll.” (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 13, ECF No. 70-3 at 55.) Later that day, at approximately 3:14 p.m., (MSJ 6), writer Kiley submitted a joke for the following night’s Conan monologue, which O’Brien later performed, stating “Tom Brady said he wants to give the truck that he was given as Super Bowl MVP . . . to the guy who won the Super Bowl for the Patriots. Which is very nice. I think that’s nice. I do. Yes. So Brady’s giving his truck to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll.” (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 14, ECF No. 70-3 at 57.)

Two days after the Tom Brady Joke aired, Plaintiff tweeted writer de Bouchet saying “Brady joke was on my blog on Feb. 3 and on the monologue on Feb. 4. Any chance I can send jokes on my own as a freelancer?” (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 20, ECF No. 70-3 at 85.) De Bouchet brought this tweet to Defendant Sweeney’s attention, but did not respond to Plaintiff. (Lorenzo Decl. Ex. 3, at 57:4–25, ECF No. 101-4 at 8.) Sometime after de Bouchet’s and Sweeney’s conversation, Sweeney spoke to other writers on the show about Plaintiff. (Id. at 58:8–24, 60:17–25, ECF No. 101-4 at 9, 11.) And sometime between the airing of the Tom Brady and Washington Monument jokes, Plaintiff called Defendant Sweeney and left a message, although Plaintiff received no response. (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 19, ECF No. 70-3 at 80–81.)

The Washington Monument Joke: On February 17, 2015, Plaintiff posted on Twitter at 7:21 a.m. and on his blog at 11:20 a.m. that “The Washington Monument is ten inches shorter than previously thought. You know the winter has been cold when a monument suffers from shrinkage.” (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 7, ECF No. 70-3 at 30.) Later that day, at approximately 1:23 p.m., (MSJ 5), writer Kiley submitted a joke for that night’s Conan monologue, which O’Brien later performed, stating “Yesterday surveyors[] announced that the Washington Monument is ten inches shorter than what’s been previously recorded. Yeah. Of course, the monument is blaming the shrinkage on the cold weather. Penis joke.” (Id. Ex. 9, ECF No. 70-3 at 35.)

The day after the Washington Monument Joke aired, Plaintiff again called Defendant Sweeney. (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 19, ECF No. 70-3 at 81–82.) And although Plaintiff was finally able to reach him, Plaintiff characterized the resulting conversation as an “agonizing” one, where Sweeney “angrily and loudly” denied any suggestion that “his writers would have anything to do with [Plaintiff’s] pathetic blog and it’s [sic] author, [Plaintiff], a no-name failure.” (Id.) After the call, Plaintiff tweeted Sweeney saying “Thanks for taking my call. Last thing I wanted was to sound accusing. If there is any way I can contribute jokes, let me know.” (Sweeney Decl. Ex. 2, ECF No. 70-5 at 14.)

Several weeks later, on March 11, 2015, Plaintiff’s attorney sent a letter to Defendant Conaco, LLC regarding the jokes. (Kaseberg Decl. ¶ 21, ECF No. 97-3 at 5.) Correspondence continued for the next several months with no resolution. (Id.)

The Jenner Joke: On June 9, 2015, Plaintiff posted on his blog at 11:05 a.m. and on Twitter at 11:31 a.m. that “Three towns, two in Texas, one in Tennessee, have streets named after Bruce Jenner and now they have to consider changing them to Caitlyn. And one will have to change from a Cul-De-Sac to a Cul-De-Sackless.” (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 15, ECF No. 70-3 at 63.) Later that day, at approximately 1:34 p.m., (MSJ 7), writer Kutner submitted a joke for that night’s Conan monologue, which O’Brien later performed, stating “Some cities that have streets named after Bruce Jenner are trying to change the streets’ names to Caitlyn Jenner. If you live on Bruce Jenner cul-de-sac it will now be cul-de-no-sack.” (Van Loon Decl. Ex. 17, ECF No. 70-3 at 72.)

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This is very, very good news.

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So not only is Amy Schumer's career effectively over, she is going to jail as well?
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So not only is Amy Schumer's career effectively over, she is going to jail as well?

No, it'd take a miracle. See, the people she stole from -ALSO- got paid for those jokes, and there is enough of a time lapse for plenty of plausible deniability. Her punishment will be the same as Carlos Mencia. She'll get more and more blatant, comedians will hate her, and her audience will slowly vanish and she'll kind of unceremoniously just leave the spotlight. Same thing happened to Dane Cook. He was a juggernaut, and now...whats the last you've heard of him? Even that mea culpa Louie episode didn't help.

This guy, on the other hand, has several jokes lifted directly in a 24 hour period, time stamps and all. Whoever working at Conan did this is a cunt, and so is Conan if he knew about it and went ahead anyways.

Backpfeifengesicht

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This guy, on the other hand, has several jokes lifted directly in a 24 hour period, time stamps and all. Whoever working at Conan did this is a cunt, and so is Conan if he knew about it and went ahead anyways.

It feels like the writer rooms for late night comedy must be just chockablock with unfunny scumbags. Like the bar for getting a job for one of those shows is a combination of "can make the lowest-effort joke about the lowest-hanging fruit" and "is somebody's son".
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The Conservatives have a slogan which I think is despicable and defeatist: "It's better to be dead than red." And the Commies and Liberals have a slogan which is even worse, it's treason, they say: "It's better to be red than dead." We say this: "You don't have to be Red and you don't have to be Dead. Not dead. Not Red. Dead Reds"