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Author Topic: Funny Shit From The News  (Read 80636 times)

wimpb

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Funny Shit From The News
« on: June 25, 2012, 04:23:02 AM »
+2
Quote
Gay in heat finishes in 10 seconds flat

EUGENE, Ore. (AP) — Tyson Gay eased through his first 100-meter qualifying heat in the U.S. Olympic trials Saturday, winning in 10 seconds flat.
http://dailycaller.com/2012/06/24/gay-makes-it-through-in-10-seconds-flat/#ixzz1yn7n8kZc

lol

Procrustes

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2012, 09:30:57 AM »
0
Quote
Gay in heat finishes in 10 seconds flat

EUGENE, Ore. (AP) — Tyson Gay eased through his first 100-meter qualifying heat in the U.S. Olympic trials Saturday, winning in 10 seconds flat.
http://dailycaller.com/2012/06/24/gay-makes-it-through-in-10-seconds-flat/#ixzz1yn7n8kZc

lol

i lol'd

Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2012, 03:28:50 PM »
0
That had to be on purpose.
Yes, that is me on my Rocket Cycle with my enormous penis.


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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2012, 01:12:45 PM »
0
"Air Conditioning Makes You Weak"
by Hamilton Nolan
http://gawker.com/5920245/

tl;dr air conditioning is for pussies and everyone should harden the fuck up and just deal with it.

This is the tough guy that wrote the article:


Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2012, 10:19:13 PM »
+2

There is water at the bottom of the ocean.

Remove the water...
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BubbaCat

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2012, 10:36:37 AM »
+1

There is water at the bottom of the ocean.

Remove the water...

Carry the water...

Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2012, 02:39:55 PM »
+1

There is water at the bottom of the ocean.

Remove the water...

Carry the water...
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground.
Yes, that is me on my Rocket Cycle with my enormous penis.


Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2012, 02:40:10 PM »
0
Put it here.
By the way, that's what she said.
Yes, that is me on my Rocket Cycle with my enormous penis.


wimpb

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #8 on: July 02, 2012, 11:15:45 PM »
0
http://dailycaller.com/2012/07/02/guns-save-life-uses-chicagos-gun-turn-in-as-a-fundraiser-for-nra-youth-camp/

Quote
Guns Save Life uses Chicago’s gun turn-in as a fundraiser for NRA youth camp

The pro-gun group Guns Save Life took advantage of Chicago’s gun turn-in program by trading in “rusty, non-firing junk” for $6,240 in gift cards. Unfortunately for Chicago, this was not how they expected the program to work.

In an interview with The Daily Caller, Guns Save Life president John Boch said, “There are always people out there opposed to individual rights to self defense, and the real thing that angers them is using the money from their program to train the next generation in responsible gun ownership.”

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that most of the money would go toward buying ammunition and rifles for an NRA youth camp in Bloomington, Ill.

Boch told TheDC that the rest of the money may go toward a donation to a local indoor shooting range, and that the donation might be made in Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel’s name. “Then there would be a story behind that plaque,” Boch said.

Not everyone was as pleased about Guns Saves Life’s “fundraiser.”

“We host the gun turn-in event on an annual basis to encourage residents to turn in their guns so we can take guns off the street and it’s unfortunate that this group is abusing a program intended to increase the safety of our communities,” Melissa Stratton, a police spokeswoman, told the Sun-Times.

But Boch asked in return, “What criminal would turn in the tool he uses to do his trade for a $100 card?”

Boch told TheDC that Guns Save Life also turned in useless firearms for a profit in 2007. They waited until 2012 when the reward was again substantial enough, at $100 a gun, to pull in a nice haul.

“We hope they do it again next year,” Boch said, “We’ll be loaded for bear in 2013.”


lol

Procrustes

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #9 on: July 02, 2012, 11:37:24 PM »
0
Fucking awesome!

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2012, 02:01:11 AM »
0

wimpb

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2012, 09:52:14 PM »
0
This ain't news, but it's hilarious(ly awful)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Television_licensing_in_the_United_Kingdom
Quote
In the United Kingdom and the Crown Dependencies, any household watching or recording live broadcast television transmissions (terrestrial, satellite, cable, or internet) is required to purchase an annual television licence. As of 2010, this costs £145.50 for colour and £49.00 for black and white. Income from the licence is primarily used to fund the television, radio and online services of the BBC.
Well ok, whatever guy, it isn't like you can enforce that. Anyone can buy a TV and it isn't like they know you're watching TV or anything.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/rd/pubs/annual-review/rev_01/bbcrdar01part5.pdf
Quote
Licence fee evasion in Britain continues to fall due to improvements in detection methods, combined with media publicity to ensure that evaders recognise the risk of being caught. Evaders are tracked down with the help of handheld detectors and a fleet of detector vans, using a national database of licence holders.

At BBC R&D we are working on a project to develop new detection methods to supplement those already in use. We have investigated a wide range of methods and chosen for development those which are quickest and most accurate, with a view to minimising the time spent by a detector van at each target site. We have added a satellite-based navigation system which helps minimise the time spent travelling between sites. The detection equipment in the van is controlled by a PC, which presents a very user-friendly interface to the operator. The detection results are recorded automatically. The van will be in frequent contact with TV Licensing’s database to check whether the viewer has a current licence.
Detector vans that drive around and can detect if people are watching TV? What?

Quote
It is possible that detection activities may be circumscribed by the new European Human Rights Act, so (for example) we may not be permitted to know the channel being viewed or the make of set being used. In this case, the detection equipment would inform the operator of what it had determined; this data (although it would not be revealed or recorded) would still be a powerful confirmation of detection.
They can figure out what TV you own and what channel you're watching? Well, I guess if they never say they'll use that information it must be ok.

Quote
We are also investigating the further possibilities of handheld detectors. Indeed, our first product was a handheld magnetic detector designed for use where van access is impracticable; since then we have added a shirt-pocket equivalent for covert operation.

Procrustes

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2012, 10:47:16 PM »
0
Omg jimmy hill is going down!!!!!!!!!

wimpb

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2012, 02:42:01 AM »
0
A common sentence emerges in the Whitehouse job reports:
http://obamaisntworking.com/press/broken-record-broken-promises/

Quote
June 2012: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report and it is informative to consider each report in the context of other data that are becoming available.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/07/06/employment-situation-june)

May 2012: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report and it is helpful to consider each report in the context of other data that are becoming available.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/06/01/employment-situation-may)

April 2012: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report and it is helpful to consider each report in the context of other data that are becoming available.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/05/04/employment-situation-april)

March 2012: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, and it is helpful to consider each report in the context of other data that are becoming available.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/04/06/employment-situation-march)

February 2012: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report; nevertheless, the trend in job market indicators over recent months is an encouraging sign.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/03/09/employment-situation-february)

January 2012: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report; nevertheless, the trend in job market indicators over recent months is an encouraging sign.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/02/03/employment-situation-january)

December 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/01/06/employment-situation-december)

November 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/12/02/employment-situation-november)

October 2011: “The monthly employment and unemployment numbers are volatile and employment estimates are subject to substantial revision. There is no better example than August’s jobs figure, which was initially reported at zero and in the latest revision increased to 104,000. This illustrates why the Administration always stresses it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/11/04/employment-situation-october)

September 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/10/07/employment-situation-september)

August 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/09/02/employment-situation-august)

July 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/08/05/employment-situation-july)

June 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/07/08/employment-situation-june)

May 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/06/03/employment-situation-may)

April 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/05/06/employment-situation-april)

March 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/04/01/employment-situation-march)

February 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/03/04/employment-situation-february)

January 2011: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/02/04/employment-situation-january)

December 2010: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/01/07/employment-situation-december)

November 2010: “Therefore, as the Administration always stresses, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/12/03/employment-situation-november)

October 2010: “Given the volatility in monthly employment and unemployment data, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/11/05/employment-situation-october)

September 2010: “Given the volatility in the monthly employment and unemployment data, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/10/08/employment-situation-september)

July 2010: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, positive or negative.  It is essential that we continue our efforts to move in the right direction and replace job losses with robust job gains.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/08/06/employment-situation-july)

August 2010: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, positive or negative.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/09/03/employment-situation-august)

June 2010: “As always, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, positive or negative.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/07/02/employment-situation-june)

May 2010: “As always, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, positive or negative.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/06/04/employment-situation-may)

April 2010: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, positive or negative.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/05/07/employment-situation-april)

March 2010: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, positive or negative.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/04/02/employment-situation-march)

January 2010: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, positive or negative.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/02/05/employment-situation-january)

November 2009: “Therefore, it is important not to read too much into any one monthly report, positive or negative.” (LINK: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2009/12/04/employment-situation-november)

Birk

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #14 on: July 10, 2012, 05:37:26 AM »
0
lol

Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #15 on: July 10, 2012, 07:51:59 AM »
0
"Obama was born in the US." X 1,000,000
Yes, that is me on my Rocket Cycle with my enormous penis.


Birk

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #16 on: August 18, 2012, 01:16:58 AM »
0

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Procrustes

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #18 on: August 21, 2012, 05:45:17 PM »
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Birk

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #20 on: August 21, 2012, 09:20:44 PM »
0
Quote
Muh Dik
                               :say:
:mudd:

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wimpb

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #22 on: August 28, 2012, 07:08:18 PM »
+2
http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/sunnews/world/archives/2012/08/20120828-121108.html

Quote
A Nebraska preschool is asking a three-year-old deaf boy to change his name because it violates the school board's weapons policy.

Hunter Spanjer signs his first name by making what looks like shooting gestures with both hands. He crosses his fingers when he does it - a modification to show it's his proper name.

But the Grand Island Public Schools board says its "Weapons in Schools" policy bans "any instrument ... that looks like a weapon." The school wants him to change the sign, a request Hunter's family says is both unfair and silly.

"Anybody that I have talked to thinks this is absolutely ridiculous. This is not threatening in any way," Hunter's grandmother Janet Logue told local news station 1011.

"It's a symbol. It's an actual sign, a registered sign," said Hunter's father, Brian Spanjer.
The school board wants to work out a compromise.

"We are working with the parents to come to the best solution we can for the child," said school board spokesman Jack Sheard.

But the Spanjers say they aren't interested. They're bringing in lawyers from the National Association of the Deaf to fight for their son's right to sign his own name.

Meanwhile, local residents told the station the school is overreacting and that Hunter poses no danger.

lol that kid is awesome

"Hey kid what's your name?"
*makes a finger gun*

BubbaCat

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #23 on: August 29, 2012, 12:40:47 PM »
0
http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/sunnews/world/archives/2012/08/20120828-121108.html

Quote
A Nebraska preschool is asking a three-year-old deaf boy to change his name because it violates the school board's weapons policy.

Hunter Spanjer signs his first name by making what looks like shooting gestures with both hands. He crosses his fingers when he does it - a modification to show it's his proper name.

But the Grand Island Public Schools board says its "Weapons in Schools" policy bans "any instrument ... that looks like a weapon." The school wants him to change the sign, a request Hunter's family says is both unfair and silly.

"Anybody that I have talked to thinks this is absolutely ridiculous. This is not threatening in any way," Hunter's grandmother Janet Logue told local news station 1011.

"It's a symbol. It's an actual sign, a registered sign," said Hunter's father, Brian Spanjer.
The school board wants to work out a compromise.

"We are working with the parents to come to the best solution we can for the child," said school board spokesman Jack Sheard.

But the Spanjers say they aren't interested. They're bringing in lawyers from the National Association of the Deaf to fight for their son's right to sign his own name.

Meanwhile, local residents told the station the school is overreacting and that Hunter poses no danger.

lol that kid is awesome

"Hey kid what's your name?"
*makes a finger gun*

Seriously? :clint: :bronson:

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #24 on: August 29, 2012, 08:46:56 PM »
0
http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/sunnews/world/archives/2012/08/20120828-121108.html

Quote
A Nebraska preschool is asking a three-year-old deaf boy to change his name because it violates the school board's weapons policy.

Hunter Spanjer signs his first name by making what looks like shooting gestures with both hands. He crosses his fingers when he does it - a modification to show it's his proper name.

But the Grand Island Public Schools board says its "Weapons in Schools" policy bans "any instrument ... that looks like a weapon." The school wants him to change the sign, a request Hunter's family says is both unfair and silly.

"Anybody that I have talked to thinks this is absolutely ridiculous. This is not threatening in any way," Hunter's grandmother Janet Logue told local news station 1011.

"It's a symbol. It's an actual sign, a registered sign," said Hunter's father, Brian Spanjer.
The school board wants to work out a compromise.

"We are working with the parents to come to the best solution we can for the child," said school board spokesman Jack Sheard.

But the Spanjers say they aren't interested. They're bringing in lawyers from the National Association of the Deaf to fight for their son's right to sign his own name.

Meanwhile, local residents told the station the school is overreacting and that Hunter poses no danger.

lol that kid is awesome

"Hey kid what's your name?"
*makes a finger gun*