;

Author Topic: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.  (Read 25374 times)

Agent of Aspieonage

  • 5000 Posters Club
  • Alconauts
  • *
  • Posts: 8545
  • YOU ARE FAKE BOOZE!
  • Awards Deplorables old Better dead than red Scrooge United Statesian Deutscher Drinkin' and Postin' Took down a Goon Took down a Moderator Wounded in the line of posting. TNE Veteran Sasstronaut
    • Awards
+11
So for those who forgot who Riffleraffle is, a primer is posted at the bottom of the op.

Well he lucked his way into being billed 3rd on some American Pie esque found footage comedy called Project X. He was, in spite of overwhelming odds, on track to make it in Jewtown. X grossed over 100 million and he quickly got cast to star in a new movie, this time one with a budget and actual established actors like Ron Perlman and John C McGinley.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEhPRnP0Cv4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEhPRnP0Cv4</a>




So basically he was given the chance of a lifetime. Could he finally overcome having no charisma whatsoever? Could millions of dollars spent trying to make him look cool succeed?

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=kidcannabis.htm

Total Gross: $5,565. I have more money in my bank account than the total theatrical gross of a movie starring Hellboy and some dude from Scrubs. He had a dream chance and blew it. Nobody is going to hire him again as he has proven he has no profitability, and he has no booked projects at all. For an actor who was third billed in a $100 mil comedy and a recent starring role in a movie, that is an astounding lack of success. Like, wow.

This is now the closest thing I have ever seen to the South Park episode "Cartmanland". He got his dream. He was gonna have fame and money and pussy and we were all gonna be more jelly than the inside of McCain's asshole. And its all going away. Fart in the wind.

I'd say I feel bad but welp. Also, according to his twitter, he's back to doing open mics. He calls them "shows", but on the club website the time and date are listed as open mics. Nigga starred in a movie and can't even get paid for his stage time.




Primer:





reddit is going to have a riffleraffle thread

Can someone give a recap on that guy? Threads about him and Hypnotic was really funny, but I only remember Hypnotic's quest to one day pass as a male human.

Oh man, lets take a stroll down memory lane...

This sad faggot started out posting on Portal of Evil a decade ago as a middle schooler. He bragged about having pubes early. He was laughed outta there. Eventually posted this image of himself.



He showed up at SASS as a really sad tryhard unfunny poster, and seemed like his life goal was to embarrass himself in an effort to fit in.


Riff 'n pop

Couple funny things I remember
- Posted a thread saying "Welp I'm going on vacation to San Diego on these dates!" and someone immediately posts that it coincides exactly with fucking Comic-Con. He also constantly said shit about going out drinking or going to the bar despite being under 21 and looking it. He claimed during this trip he'd also go to Tijuana, and all of sass called bullshit. He said he'd provide pictures. Never happened.

- Had a plan to make posters in SCAM (the sass fyad) melt down by spamming their threads. He called it a "coordinated strike". When these discussions were leaked, coordinated strike became a catchphrase. Then I started a brief meme of spamming all his threads with pictures and ascii of Mac Tonight, the McD's moon head thing. He got p mad.

- Someone tracked down his hilarious plentyoffish profile
Thread


- He lived in LA and was trying to make it as a comedian. He posted a 10 minute set and it was atrocious. "Hey, who else is a nerd like me and likes star wars?" *crickets*

- His first foray into Jewlywood was getting cast in a dating reality show where he was the token nerd. He only lasted a couple eps and all the other dudes alpha'd him nonstop.


- It was found out that he posted on some entrepreneur forum asking for advice on how to start a comic book store. He claimed comic books were his "passion" and wanted to pursue this despite being broke and living with his parents. He was talking about having bean bag chairs all around so people could "socialize". Bean bag chairs became yet another meme, and people started calling him Frodo Beanbaggins.

- He appeared in a porno ~2009, where the theme was three skanks fuck some supernerd aspies. He bragged about it quietly, and it leaked to smyd and the thread fucking exploded. Pictures galore and videos were posted. He begged people to stop in the thread and on aim. Eventually on aim he was telling people he was his father and he had killed himself so please leave him alone he's dead now. He was too stupid to realize that grieving fathers tend to not sit on their freshly dead son's aim account, and it just kept getting funnier. Birth of the meme "I love my dead gay son".




NOT WORK SAFE: http://www.bangbrosnetwork.com/t1/intro.htm?s=bbw5129

- He eventually got cast in the awful but successful movie Project X. It grossed like 100 mil, meaning he should basically be fucking anything he wants in LA, but his beta stench is so thick it pierced through both his newfound fame and LA fame whores. He wrote an article about it.
http://www.vice.com/read/i-interviewed-four-women-who-rejected-me-to-find-out-whats-wrong-with-me?utm_source=vicetwitterus

He also wrote an article about being Pauly Shore's personal bitch for a while begging for five minutes of stage time at an open mic, something anyone can get for free just by showing up.

So basically he is a professional self-embarrasser

I think I killed his acting career when I sent out a tip to TMZ. They're surprisingly quick too. This went live about an hour after I sent them the link:

http://www.tmz.com/2012/03/03/project-x-geek-jonathan-brown-porn/

TMZ tried to put a positive spin on the porno. It still doesn't matter, the damage was done because Hollywood doesn't want anything to do with porn, especially male porn stars. Look at how pathetically hard old Ron Jeremy has been trying to break into the mainstream only to only succeed at orbiting at the peripheries of other stars.   

What they didn't mention was that this was his second one. He paid to have the first one made, as he was trying to start up a porn studio at the time, and he was hitting up SCAM posters over AIM for capital. He hit me up for money at least twice. The girl he hired was some tattooed up whore. It's out there somewhere; I think there's some sort of intro where he lures her in with a trail of comics or the other way around. I can't remember which. 

Edit: Read the comments after the article. Even complete strangers who don't know who he is hate him.
At dawn I leave the hut. My woman is happy in her toil. When I return from my daily gathering, I am tired and hungry. There is no food or fire, because she has dragged out her ceremonial betrothal skins, and spent the day weeping because they do not fit. And somehow this is MY fault?! And now her family has come to comfort her. They have been with us since Nord has blown his icy breath. If her brother is not out of our hut by planting time, there will be a clubbing!

VFW

  • Unperson
  • Alconauts
  • *
  • Posts: 987
  • Bury my keyboard at shitposter's knee
  • Awards Deplorables Sasstronaut TNE Veteran BYOB Anonymous tfw no gf because jews Goon or Ex-Goon
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2014, 06:02:03 PM »
+1
Clearly bigoted goyim didn't know they were supposed to watch and like him.

Oy vey.

Dead by 22

  • Domestic Threat
  • ***
  • Posts: 217
  • Awards Drinkin' and Postin' Jew cold, dead hands Prepper
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2014, 06:56:46 PM »
+33
As one of the few with an SS Jew badge, I would like to apologize for this member of my race. He was to be unjewed immediately, but that process turns out to be highly bureaucratic and frankly the top Jews like to keep bad Jews on the books just so that we can call goyish people antisemitic if they mention an unsavory Jew. I'm sorry for this, but I am required by Jewish law to now say the following: You are all racists.

Ghostse

  • 5000 Posters Club
  • *
  • Posts: 7471
  • ❨❨❨Tax-o-tron❩❩❩
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2014, 07:41:54 PM »
+1
86% on Rotten Tomatoes, 5/6 positive. The sole dissenting review comes from the Village Voice; how bad does your pot movie need to be to have the Village Voice knock it?
Let me know when the next SASS spinoff starts.

POST FRANK

  • Cishet White Male
  • Cosmonauts
  • *
  • Posts: 1378
  • Awards Ambien posting Fucked a lesbian Jesuit Drinkin' and Postin'
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2014, 08:15:13 PM »
+6
As one of the few with an SS Jew badge, I would like to apologize for this member of my race. He was to be unjewed immediately, but that process turns out to be highly bureaucratic and frankly the top Jews like to keep bad Jews on the books just so that we can call goyish people antisemitic if they mention an unsavory Jew. I'm sorry for this, but I am required by Jewish law to now say the following: You are all racists.

is there a medal for outing yourself as a literal jew monster :nixon:

GFR

  • Unperson
  • Fagmin
  • *
  • Posts: 616
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2014, 08:37:14 PM »
+12
As one of the few with an SS Jew badge, I would like to apologize for this member of my race. He was to be unjewed immediately, but that process turns out to be highly bureaucratic and frankly the top Jews like to keep bad Jews on the books just so that we can call goyish people antisemitic if they mention an unsavory Jew. I'm sorry for this, but I am required by Jewish law to now say the following: You are all racists.

Stay the fuck away from my well.

Black Gardener

  • Cishet White Male
  • Hope 'n Change
  • *
  • Posts: 2229
  • King of Kicks
  • Awards Goon or Ex-Goon 420 cold, dead hands Jew
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #6 on: June 18, 2014, 09:07:54 PM »
+3
 :obama:  Ahahahahaha.

What a fucking embarrassment.  Kid Cannabis?  Really?

Terribad.

Rocket

  • 5000 Posters Club
  • Cosmonauts
  • *
  • Posts: 10641
  • Don't call me a lawyer; I'll call my own!
  • Awards old cold, dead hands Something Wonderful Prepper The Gentry Wounded in the line of posting. Motorcyclist Goon or Ex-Goon TNE Veteran Libertarian For Dixie's land we'll take our stand! Sasstronaut
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2014, 09:42:55 PM »
+6
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEhPRnP0Cv4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEhPRnP0Cv4</a>
I watched the trailer and it looks ridiculous.  I was actually going to try to watch the movie to disprove... whatever, but his presence seems like a drain of any kind of comedy or intrigue or excitement. Just him being present was so bad it made me realize there is absolutely no reason to watch this. Are you sure he's not Cis Scum? Because he has the exact same effect on anything interesting.
Yes, that is me on my Rocket Cycle with my enormous penis.


Gender Swapped Dinosaur

  • Unperson
  • *****
  • Posts: 525
  • Perhaps you may be able to help solve a mystery.
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2014, 09:50:33 PM »
+3

He reminds me of Bobo from the Opie and Anthony show.

professional lurker

  • Cishet White Male
  • ******
  • Posts: 1180
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2014, 10:01:22 PM »
+2
According to that link, that movie was released for 3 days in 1 theater.
"I'm really boring. My current hobbies right now are playing Animal Crossing on the DS and... I dunno, I did a bit of knitting last night for the first time in months after boy broke up with me over the phone (I can only cast on and knit stitch though). I surf the internet like every other person in the entire fucking world. I constantly have ideas that I never follow through on. I want to be a nurse someday. I want to drive. I nearly got my licence a few years ago but blacked out at the wheel due to my (90% now-cured) anorexia and haven't driven since."

Drain The Swamp And Fill It With Piss

  • Cishet White Male
  • Space Racists
  • *
  • Posts: 2671
  • gas the I love cock more thanjewsdoes
  • Awards Killed in the Line of Posting Goon or Ex-Goon TNE Veteran Fuck you, dad! United Statesian You can't know! Soldier cold, dead hands Classicist The Gentry
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #10 on: June 18, 2014, 10:38:34 PM »
+5
As one of the few with an SS Jew badge, I would like to apologize for this member of my race. He was to be unjewed immediately, but that process turns out to be highly bureaucratic and frankly the top Jews like to keep bad Jews on the books just so that we can call goyish people antisemitic if they mention an unsavory Jew. I'm sorry for this, but I am required by Jewish law to now say the following: You are all racists.

how many white babies did you have to kill to assume your true form?
This forum, like all iterations before it was started by a small group of people, many of whom have been posting together on various spinoffs going on 15 years now.

Dog's plans for the forum have been extensively discussed with 3 of the other 4 fagmins, via group PM, over a period of months.

The only ones "subverting" the forum here are the swole cru/wn/alt rightards who, by their own admission, want to change this forum from what it was, was intended to be, and what the former and current owners want it to be.

GFR

  • Unperson
  • Fagmin
  • *
  • Posts: 616
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #11 on: June 18, 2014, 11:42:13 PM »
+7
As one of the few with an SS Jew badge, I would like to apologize for this member of my race. He was to be unjewed immediately, but that process turns out to be highly bureaucratic and frankly the top Jews like to keep bad Jews on the books just so that we can call goyish people antisemitic if they mention an unsavory Jew. I'm sorry for this, but I am required by Jewish law to now say the following: You are all racists.

how many white babies did you have to kill to assume your true form?

He needs the blood of a Christian baby once a year or the Passover Seder isn't complete. Do you even anti-semite bro? 

Obese and Triggered

  • Cishet White Male
  • ******
  • Posts: 2964
  • Prince Regent of the Incelibate Cucked Kingdom
  • Awards Sasstronaut Fucked a lesbian cold, dead hands United Statesian Goon or Ex-Goon Better dead than red Boy Scout old
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2014, 11:55:34 PM »
+1
OH my god I remember this dipshit when he made the porno. Ahahahahah holy shit, this is amazing stuff.

The internet never forgets any of your embarrassing moments.

 :nixon:

sub-base turf sniffing boner diarist

  • Enemy Of The State
  • ****
  • Posts: 395
  • It's their CULUTRE, SHITLORD!
  • Awards Goon or Ex-Goon Scrooge Better dead than red United Statesian cold, dead hands Libertarian
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #13 on: June 19, 2014, 01:14:20 AM »
+17
My son's dead gay career.
RIP Angel baby St. Trayvon:
Also of note, in Florida you don't have to prove self-defense. The onus is on the prosecution to prove that it WASN'T self-defense. :downs:

Round 2: Nig Harder: RIP good boy Mike Brown who din do nuffins:
Given that the autopsy showed no signs of a struggle, perhaps Wilson hit himself in the eye with the recoil from his gun, or maybe he tripped over the body.

Travis Touchdown 2.0

  • Enemy Of The State
  • Space Racists
  • *
  • Posts: 421
  • Bitch
  • Awards Took down a Goon
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2014, 06:49:30 AM »
+7
The suspension of disbelief required for riff's role to work is too fucking much to sell to the summer audience, even for people who see shit like stoner movies. Yeah, when I think of a drug lord that hot naked white girls willingly-associate with and throw themselves at during crazy naked beach parties, I think of the Jewish hobbit known as NinjasGetChicks. If anything, Jonah Hill probably made Hollywood think that they could keep throwing that specific brand of male to wall with a 100%-stick rate, and since 'raff was already in a terrible clone of Superbad, that made narrowing-down the next choice easier

Now James Franco in Spring Breakers? Yeah, I'll buy that


IHaveNoMouthAndIMustSteen

  • Guest
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #15 on: June 19, 2014, 07:39:30 AM »
+14
According to that link, that movie was released for 3 days in 1 theater.

This is actually more damning than an excuse. The producers are skirting the SAG rules to pay the actors less.

Under the Screen Actor's Guild small budget exemption guidelines, you can use SAG actors and crew but pay them below union rate if your film meets a few conditions. The two that are important here are that the budget is less than $2.5 million and it must have a release obligation.

For most small/indie film makers, it is more financially advantageous to rent a theater for a short period and screen the film than to pay full union wage to the actors. This also helps if you really do intend to go direct to video or foreign, but want to reap the savings of being a "real" film production.

We know that Riffleraffle is a card carrying SAG member because he was in Project X. That means he coughed up $3k for the union dues and continues to pay to keep his card.

Weekly rate for a SAG actor is $2,921. Let's be kind and presume this masterpiece took four weeks of principle photography. That's $11,684 Riffler would have made under normal circumstances.

Under the low budget SAG contract, Riffler made $1752 per week for $7008 total, before taxes and any mark downs.

The dumb motherfucker is so desperate that he left about $4k on the table to be in a shitty production that can't afford to do a film at scale.

The Watcher

  • Cishet White Male
  • ******
  • Posts: 2012
  • Awards Wounded in the line of posting. Goon or Ex-Goon
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #16 on: June 19, 2014, 08:20:22 AM »
+1
He should stick to porn. Ugly middle aged guys fucking moderate to reasonably attractive chicks is a schtic that works well for such porn sites as Tampa Bukake and any of those casting sites.
Message me when the next SASS clone gets started

internet culture

  • Cishet White Male
  • ******
  • Posts: 2016
  • cyber-society scholar
  • Awards Inshallah! Fuck you, dad! Autistic Goon or Ex-Goon Anonymous Sasstronaut You can't know!
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #17 on: June 19, 2014, 09:45:30 AM »
0
why do ugly fat men want to project over ugly fat men in porn

i though the entire appeal was that it's not reality

Mullah Omar

  • Cishet White Male
  • Waffen SS
  • *
  • Posts: 2140
  • Amir al Mumineen
  • Awards Goon or Ex-Goon Commie Fascist Swear on me mum m8
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #18 on: June 19, 2014, 10:27:57 AM »
+8
There is something really hateable about this kike. Other than being a kike that is.

The Watcher

  • Cishet White Male
  • ******
  • Posts: 2012
  • Awards Wounded in the line of posting. Goon or Ex-Goon
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #19 on: June 19, 2014, 10:30:00 AM »
0
why do ugly fat men want to project over ugly fat men in porn

i though the entire appeal was that it's not reality
Good question, I don't have an answer. Other than, it's a thing.
Message me when the next SASS clone gets started

Mullah Omar

  • Cishet White Male
  • Waffen SS
  • *
  • Posts: 2140
  • Amir al Mumineen
  • Awards Goon or Ex-Goon Commie Fascist Swear on me mum m8
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2014, 10:33:20 AM »
+5

The Watcher

  • Cishet White Male
  • ******
  • Posts: 2012
  • Awards Wounded in the line of posting. Goon or Ex-Goon
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #21 on: June 19, 2014, 10:46:28 AM »
0
Message me when the next SASS clone gets started

bongo bongo

  • Unperson
  • Waffen SS
  • *
  • Posts: 787
  • MODS=FAGS
  • Awards For Dixie's land we'll take our stand! Fuck you, dad! BYOB Wounded in the line of posting. Anonymous Libertarian Scientologist Goon or Ex-Goon
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #22 on: June 19, 2014, 10:57:16 AM »
0
According to that link, that movie was released for 3 days in 1 theater.

This, the only reason I can think why it wasn't distributed is the people who produced it couldn't get any distributors to back it and they blew all their money financing it and then screened it hoping Paramount, MGM or whoever would pick it up for distribution.

bongo bongo

  • Unperson
  • Waffen SS
  • *
  • Posts: 787
  • MODS=FAGS
  • Awards For Dixie's land we'll take our stand! Fuck you, dad! BYOB Wounded in the line of posting. Anonymous Libertarian Scientologist Goon or Ex-Goon
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #23 on: June 19, 2014, 11:00:47 AM »
0
I did a quick Google search and it appears that it was intended to go straight to Amazon Instant, a Netflix clone, it's hard to say how much money they did or didn't make. 

Dental Grade Dildo

  • Cishet White Male
  • ******
  • Posts: 4040
  • I'm going to assume you are black and didndonuffin
    • Awards
Re: Riffleraffle stars in real movie, it....doesn't go so well.
« Reply #24 on: June 19, 2014, 02:21:22 PM »
+21


Quote
"Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no job, father no children. I shall receive no awards and win no glory. I shall live and die in my computer chair. I am the penis in the darkness. I am the watcher in the basement. I am the beta that flees the realms of men. I pledge my worthless life to the Goon Fleet, for this night and all the nights to come."

         :say:

:riffleraffle: