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Author Topic: redditors.txt  (Read 794703 times)

OZMA CURES HAM

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7450 on: August 26, 2017, 05:24:35 PM »
+7
I'm sorry for sharing this, I ... I just had to share it with somebody ...

[Fetish] Wife fulfilled a fantasy of being able to squirt real semen during an orgasm last week. (self.sex)

Quote
My wife had a fantasy of being able to squirt semen during an orgasm and after a little research we came up with a plan.

About 3 months ago I started masturbating every afternoon when I got home from work into a jar that we kept in the freezer and after 3 months we had accumulated about 12oz of frozen semen.

Last weekend we allowed the semen to thaw and using a female catheter my wife completely emptied her bladder and then using a large plastic syringe she injected the 12oz of semen into her bladder.

She then sat on my face and "pushed" during the orgasm and was able to squirt about 6oz into my mouth her first orgasm and the remaining 6oz during her second orgasm.


Afterwords she filled and emptied her bladder several times with distilled water with a teaspoon of coconut oil (a natural antibiotic) mixed in and so far she has not had any complications.

She said the experience of knowing that she was actually cumming real semen in my mouth was the hottest thing she ever experienced. From my perspective it was pretty foul. I almost lost it several times during and after but I was able to keep it down.

We've decided the next we do this we will just use 12oz of coconut oil. That will give her the experience of having something thick coming out when she orgasms, won't take 3 months of jacking off to make, and won't taste as bad. Probably less chance of an infection too. Other than a risk of infection, can anyone think of risk of doing this?

:drew:
r/medicaladvice: HELP! My wife has a severe UTI. What do we do????

Spazzard

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7451 on: August 26, 2017, 05:29:25 PM »
+9
:stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk:

To be fair, if she could shove a load of cocoa powder up her arse at the same time, and piss out coconut oil, it might taste like a bounty bar, and be a bit more palatable for the poor lad.


Yankees are Scum

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7452 on: August 26, 2017, 09:07:03 PM »
+7
r/medicaladvice: HELP! My wife has a severe UTI. What do we do????

Bet ya a dollar if she ended up with a back gash cause of it he'd fuck it. Jesus people are strange,sick fuckers.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2017, 09:09:28 PM by Yankees are Scum »

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7453 on: August 27, 2017, 12:10:22 AM »
+4
:stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk: :stonk:

To be fair, if she could shove a load of cocoa powder up her arse at the same time, and piss out coconut oil, it might taste like a bounty bar, and be a bit more palatable for the poor lad.



If she's Asian, would that make it an Almond Joy?

brolonium

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7454 on: August 27, 2017, 07:29:52 AM »
+5
That was fucking dreadful

Talcum X

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7455 on: August 27, 2017, 08:11:04 AM »
+7
Talk about a bad time to have a mouthful of toothpaste while opening this thread

OZMA CURES HAM

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7456 on: August 27, 2017, 04:44:13 PM »
+11
Talk about a bad time to have a mouthful of toothpaste while opening this thread
At least it wasn't a mouthful of piss and month-old cum from your wife's bladder.

Virtue Signalman First Class

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7457 on: August 28, 2017, 05:00:32 AM »
+3
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjnkV_tsjn0" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjnkV_tsjn0</a>
But I do often point out that I write both science fiction and fantasy. It’s just that the science fiction is usually titled ‘technical proposal’ and the fantasy is titled ‘budget proposal.’

- Jordin Kare

unprivsplain

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7458 on: August 28, 2017, 08:24:32 PM »
+2
Women  :rolleyes:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6wmkpc/my29f_husband32m_of_11_years_got_a_promotion_and/

My[29f] husband[32M] of 11 years, got a promotion and decided to move our family[16F,13F,7M] to Japan without discussing it with me

Quote
Its a bit of a complicated situation. My husband's company has been in negotiations for a buy out for the last year. So for the last 3 or 4 months we assumed that My husband Kenny would be fired, because his branch would most likely be cut.
This cause a lot of stress for the family.
We thought that we might lose the house. I have always been a stay at home mom, and we even discussed the possibility of me getting a job. Its not a very good excuse, but during this stressful time, I started an emotional relationship with another man.
After kissing this other man, I realized what I had been doing, and I confessed. My husband decided to forgive me, and we said that we would move on.

So last week the "Merger" finalized, And as we thought his entire branch was being closed. My husband took it very hard. For the last few days, he has been in the dumps. 2 days ago, they called him in for a meeting. When he got home, he told me that they offered him a promotion, he would open a branch in Osaka and train the employees there. He would get a pretty substantial raise, and the company would take care of the living arrangements. This wouldnt be a short term thing either. This position would be permanent.
He accepted. He never called, he never even discussed it with me. I was furious, the girls threw fits. He basically told us that this was happening, and we had until the end of October to come to terms with it.
He told us that he wouldn't discuss it further. Even in private, all he would say is that he made the decision and it is the best thing for our family. He thinks I should just respect his decision and support him with the girls.
I don't know what I should do. I feel guilty for what I did, but I don't want to leave the country. I am also scared because none of us speak japanese. My Mexican accent is bad enough in english, I have no idea how I am gonna learn another language.
Also my girls have lives, and friends, and boyfriends here in the US. I don't know how to sell this to them. To them this feels like the end of the world.
TL;DR my husband got a promotion and decided to move our whole family across the world without 1 word of discussion with me and the kids. He also won't discuss it with us.

Gee wonder why the husband is willing to go to great lengths to keep his job. Maybe because the mere threat of losing it made you run into another mans arms? Also, there's some stupid comment thread talking as if she's been abused and is on the losing end of the deal being a SAHM.

Quote
Yup. 10-18 years of unpaid unskilled labour and the possibility of divorce and having to work an entry-level job at 35-40? No thanks, you don't get any long-term gains by spending more time with your children. I don't know anyone who loves their mum more because she took care of them more.

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7459 on: August 28, 2017, 10:21:55 PM »
0
What a beautiful clusterfuck. It is justified to be really concerned about abandoning your entire life to move halfway across the globe to a strange new pretty much xenophobic society. The language barrier alone! But bitch cheated and told and stayed together and then plied the poor guy about the importance of his job. And obviously he needs the job, family of three is pretty big. So much wrong and so much right at the same time.

Kind of an uncanny bold move by the guy. Is he hopping countries to muddle the inevitable divorce? But the cynic in me is betting she serves papers before the traveling. Either way I guess the guy can do alright if he has a great job and is a freshly minted bachelor in a new country, especially if bro has yellow fever.

Hollywood Shabat Goy Yaro

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7460 on: August 28, 2017, 10:31:19 PM »
+6
lol how typical that a Mexican piece of shit can't be bothered to learn Japanese in addition to English. 


Quote

I just wanted to live a normal life.  Have a wife and kids, be a father.  But then my other side tells me that I want to get breast and butt implants and get a job working as a plus size model for Victoria's Secret.

Virtue Signalman First Class

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7461 on: August 29, 2017, 01:59:04 AM »
+20
My[29f] husband[32M] of 11 years, got a promotion and decided to move our family[16F,13F,7M] to Japan without discussing it with me


But I do often point out that I write both science fiction and fantasy. It’s just that the science fiction is usually titled ‘technical proposal’ and the fantasy is titled ‘budget proposal.’

- Jordin Kare

The Watcher

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7462 on: August 29, 2017, 06:45:47 AM »
+3
If I were him I'd go by myself and "send for them never 'later'  :smug: "
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blasting_asshole

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7463 on: August 29, 2017, 08:10:26 AM »
+5
She's gonna have to find another Chan Rajinondori in glorious Nipon.

Aran

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7464 on: August 29, 2017, 11:14:41 AM »
+19
My[29f] husband[32M] of 11 years, got a promotion and decided to move our family[16F,13F,7M] to Japan without discussing it with me



Mexican, the math works.

888 Didnt Read Shit

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7465 on: August 29, 2017, 08:08:15 PM »
+9
They're Mexican, she waited by their standards.

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7466 on: September 03, 2017, 08:59:21 PM »
+15
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6xvjkx/i_25m_had_a_blowout_with_my_best_friend_25m_last/
I [25M] had a blowout with my best friend [25M] last night after he confessed that he was in love with me. I'm straight except for stuff I've done with him and he's gay.
Quote
When we were 16 we got stoned and I let him give me a blowjob. The next day he came out to me and I told him that it didn't change things between us but despite the blowjob I wasn't into guys. A few weeks later we got stoned again and I let him blow me again. It became kind of a regular thing except when I've had girlfriends mostly.
Over the years I've dated a lot so has he. It's always seemed very casual to me. Mostly after a boozy night out. I never thought there was anything to it. Only one girl I've ever dated said that she thought he had s thing for me. Which I just thought of as her being jealous. She turned out to be a bit of a nut.
It was his birthday Friday night and a big group went out to celebrate. At the end of the night the two of us ended back at his place. We were talking about the night and what he wanted to do over the weekend for his birthday. He makes a joke about it being his birthday so he won't be blowing me. It's got a little weird because it's not something we talk about it's just something that happens. Now he wants to talk about it though. I told him that if he didn't want to do it anymore that I totally get it. I know it's always been completely one sided. He's blows that off and says it's something he likes doing and the turn on for him is that nobody knows and it's this intimate thing that exists between us. How it all happened isn't important I don't think but we ended up having full on sex that night. I will say that I did tell him it was a one time thing and joked that I hope he'll like it more than the wallet I gave him for his birthday. When we wake up I feel super awkward about it but he's in a good mood and isn't trying to talk about it. He just wants me to hurry up and shower so we can meet friends for breakfast. We spend most of the day together with friends and everything seems fine. I still felt weird but he was acting like nothing happened. No weird looks or affectionate behaviors. I go home by myself to get ready for a smaller group dinner and he texts me that he'll stop by my place and we can Uber to the restaurant from here. When he turns up he looks gutted. His face is red and his eyes are puffy. Clearly he's been crying. I just grabbed him and hugged him and asked him what was wrong and he starts sobbing. It took him a few minutes to get himself together enough to speak. So he tells me that he's been in love with me since we were 14/15 and after last night he can't hide it anymore and he wants to be with me and starts crying again. I realize now I should have been a better friend and figured this all out years ago and stopped things but I'm an idiot apparently. I tried explaining to him that I loved him like he was my brother but I wasn't really into guys. He's the only guy I've ever done anything with and he knows that. He still crying a little bit he's getting angry. Basically he thinks I'm just stuck in the closet because being a mans man like my dad and brothers is too important to me. He details my checkered relationship history and the fact that I always bail when a girl seems like she's getting attached. Then he starts in on it's not like I've ever tried to stop him from touching me and I always respond to his touch. As gently as I could I told him that if I was into guys I would have been with other guys and for me the blowjob is just a blowjob. That to me it started when we were young and horny and it just became this thing that I normalized in my head because it felt good and there was never any drama attached to it. Now he really pissed and tells me I'm kidding myself and what the fuck was last night about. I told him that I was sorry and that I didn't really know why I let things go that far. When things started happening the night before he came up and tried to kiss me which at first I resisted but when I did he looked hurt and I just ended up giving in and then the rest happened. Fuck I suck. I've been a terrible friend to him.
So he tries to kiss me and I stop him and tell him that it's not going to happen again and we have to figure out a way to get past this. Clearly he's not interested in my idea so he punches me in the stomach and walks out. I texted friends saying I wasn't feeling well and I was staying home.
I figure I'll let him cool off and try to talk to him today. A female friend of ours calls me last night and is pissed at me. He had her come over to his house and then he told her about what happened and everything else. The whole story. She tells me I'm an asshole and what the fuck did I think I was doing and how stupid of me to not realize he had feeling for me and what the fuck did I think sleeping with him was anything but stupid and cruel.
I realize all of that's true and here I am. I don't care that he told someone. I don't really care if he wants to tell everyone. I see now how terrible I've been to him all these years and it makes my sick. I can't remember the last time I cried, maybe 8/9 years old. I cried last night and this morning. I don't know where to start trying to fix this. I called my sister a little while ago and told her all about what has happened. She was shocked by what had been going on all these years and after about 45 minutes of talking to her it's her opinion that this isn't something survivable. That I should write him a letter apologizing for everything and letting him know that if he doesn't want to see me or speak to me ever again that I would respect but that if he could ever forgive me I'd be here waiting.
At this point I don't accept that. I need to fix this. He's a huge part of my life. He's the best person I know and he's tied to almost all of my memories. We've been best friends since 1st grade. We went to school together we went to the same college we moved to the same city after college together.
If anyone has any ideas about a way to repair this I'd be grateful. I don't want to lose him.

TL;DR; : How do I fix this and save my friendship?


SSS

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7467 on: September 09, 2017, 06:27:43 AM »
+7
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSo3g1gCWbQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSo3g1gCWbQ</a>

PUSSY CANCER

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7468 on: September 23, 2017, 04:45:32 PM »
+2
Quote
Suggestion is one thing, suggestion with a position of authority and veiled/open threat of consequence is another.
If a mafioso says you have a very nice bar and suggests you subscribe to protection in case anything happens, that is not a suggestion. That is exercising his power as a violent leader to suppress you from making a decision he disagrees with.

If you "suggest" to the head of the FBI that you think it's a good idea they drop the Russia/General Flynn investigation and hope they agree with you, that is a veiled threat much the same as the above mafioso situation since to disagree means your job will be taken and an investigation will be impeded.

This is a Trump "suggesting" for Republican NFL owners to fire their employees or risk having audience ripped away from them at his beck and call.

All three situations are not suggestions but veiled threats. In Trump's position, calling for an end to investigation is indeed obstruction of Justice and calling for an end of protest is indeed a suppression of dissent and First Amendment rights (as well as interference in business...but ya know he's totally the champion for small government control).

It is de facto fascism and abuse of power. Just as it is an abuse of power/ethics to officially endorse a company or product (the LL Bean tweet controversy comes to mind), it is the same to frenzy people in opposition of a company or product.
sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttt

Aran

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7469 on: September 23, 2017, 04:54:43 PM »
+8
Quote
Suggestion is one thing, suggestion with a position of authority and veiled/open threat of consequence is another.
If a mafioso says you have a very nice bar and suggests you subscribe to protection in case anything happens, that is not a suggestion. That is exercising his power as a violent leader to suppress you from making a decision he disagrees with.

If you "suggest" to the head of the FBI that you think it's a good idea they drop the Russia/General Flynn investigation and hope they agree with you, that is a veiled threat much the same as the above mafioso situation since to disagree means your job will be taken and an investigation will be impeded.

This is a Trump "suggesting" for Republican NFL owners to fire their employees or risk having audience ripped away from them at his beck and call.

All three situations are not suggestions but veiled threats. In Trump's position, calling for an end to investigation is indeed obstruction of Justice and calling for an end of protest is indeed a suppression of dissent and First Amendment rights (as well as interference in business...but ya know he's totally the champion for small government control).

It is de facto fascism and abuse of power. Just as it is an abuse of power/ethics to officially endorse a company or product (the LL Bean tweet controversy comes to mind), it is the same to frenzy people in opposition of a company or product.
What a faggot

POST REGERT

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7470 on: October 12, 2017, 08:54:01 PM »
+6
Quote from: niedjaliz
You know, this comment was posted from the wrong alt. I have to keep my fetish separate from my other accounts specifically because of PEOPLE LIKE YOU. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ATTRACTED TO SHARKS AND THAT HAS NO BEARING ON THIS ARGUMENT. This is fucking 2017 it shouldn't even have to be said, but FUCK!!!!!

What does have bearing on this argument is objective facts. Facts like: a low shoulder to waist ratio being attractive on human females.

Facts like: juicer bullies like you are what's wrong with the world of fitness.

Facts like: you and your little "fitnesscirclejerk" buddies are too busy staring at men's asses to know an attractive woman if she swam up to you in anthropomorphic-shark form and let you fuck her on a cold, windy cape cod beach.

Facts like: you're too busy thinking about the gym and where you're gonna get your next steroid fix to realize that I'm on seddit learning stuff that's gonna help ME get the girl of YOUR dreams.

Wake up, bud. Your a fuckin' pathetic excuse of a man. I might not be as big as you. I might never be as big as you cuz I have too much honor to stick a needle in my ass. But I'm twice the man you'll ever be, sharktits and all.

Aran

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7471 on: October 12, 2017, 09:03:17 PM »
+2
Quote from: niedjaliz
You know, this comment was posted from the wrong alt. I have to keep my fetish separate from my other accounts specifically because of PEOPLE LIKE YOU. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ATTRACTED TO SHARKS AND THAT HAS NO BEARING ON THIS ARGUMENT. This is fucking 2017 it shouldn't even have to be said, but FUCK!!!!!

What does have bearing on this argument is objective facts. Facts like: a low shoulder to waist ratio being attractive on human females.

Facts like: juicer bullies like you are what's wrong with the world of fitness.

Facts like: you and your little "fitnesscirclejerk" buddies are too busy staring at men's asses to know an attractive woman if she swam up to you in anthropomorphic-shark form and let you fuck her on a cold, windy cape cod beach.

Facts like: you're too busy thinking about the gym and where you're gonna get your next steroid fix to realize that I'm on seddit learning stuff that's gonna help ME get the girl of YOUR dreams.

Wake up, bud. Your a fuckin' pathetic excuse of a man. I might not be as big as you. I might never be as big as you cuz I have too much honor to stick a needle in my ass. But I'm twice the man you'll ever be, sharktits and all.

What a faggot.

Obese and Triggered

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7472 on: October 12, 2017, 09:50:26 PM »
0
Quote from: niedjaliz
But I'm twice the man you'll ever be, sharktits and all.

:stare: 

*slow clap* 

:kaneclap:

HondaRider271

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7473 on: October 13, 2017, 12:14:23 AM »
+3
So we're just pasting legitimately funny reddit comments here now?
Quote from: Ozma
You are doing a good job, don't take a little thing like this too seriously. There are always little drama flareups in forums!
Quote
I don't want people thinking that lobbying a bunch will get you ousted (because that's really ridiculous and I don't play that way!)...
And again, seriously, do not worry about this.
Quote from: Rachael Emma Gilbert
You did a good job for your forum and are a legitimately nice guy

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Re: redditors.txt
« Reply #7474 on: October 13, 2017, 12:27:49 AM »
+3
Quote
I might never be as big as you cuz I have too much honor to stick a needle in my ass. But I'm twice the man you'll ever be, sharktits and all.

Fagmins add to quotemine if you can do it without gapoing the whole forum again