Author Topic: House Of Commons, o-order, *ahem* The House Of - OOOORDDDDUUUUR - Commons Thread  (Read 334 times)


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TRIGGER WARNING: I don't really know fuck all about Erskine May and MUH COMMON LAWZ and whatnot, so all you UK faggots feel free to catch the speakers eye and rise to a point of order instead of getting named by the chair and removed from the chamber.

*sets mace in holder*

As much we in the colonies enjoy mocking our erstwhile cousins back in the UK, its even better when you can mock them on their own terms. The most laughable thing about The United Kingdom is the duct tape and bailing wire system of constitutional monarchy they claim is a legitimate form government. But let's not talk about the Sovereign, the House of Lords, the Privy Council or any of the other things that separate Her Majesty's subjects from the rest of Western civilization. 

Lets go to the one thing that gives the illusion of democracy, The House Of Commons.

The Basics:

The House Of Commons is where a bunch of faggots elected from places like Avon-On-Bullox and Greater Six Bong get together to day drink, rabble rouse and somehow do the things that keep the UK barely going. They don't exactly get to make laws and the House of Lords p. much gets to shove them around like a little bitch if they don't like what has been sent to them. But hey, those council flats aren't going to incinerate themselves.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ToKcEvqXuM" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ToKcEvqXuM</a>

Oh yeah, they use *THE* oldest, most outdated and retarded system of procedure known to man called 'Treatise on the Law, Privileges, Proceedings and Usage of Parliament (Volume 24)' . Whenever a Speaker makes a ruling for a situation not previously covered, it gets added to the book. They literally are making this shit up as they go along. Its so fucked up that each year they vote on adapting rules that allow them to carry on without actually changing the rules, a process known as Standing Orders.

The poor bastard who gets to keep track of all this is the Clerk Of The House. The clerk or their little bitchboy Clerks assist the Speaker in making sure shit doesn't go off the rails and God Forbid we might have to publish Volume 25, as seen exactly 12 seconds into this clip:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phabdWR-r1o" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phabdWR-r1o</a>

One of the quaint little quirks of the UKs version of parliamentary procedure is "division". If the Speaker does not believe there is consensus from a verbal vote, rather than use an electronic system or do an individual up down or raise their hands or anything that makes any fucking sense whatsoever, the Speaker calls DIVISION!. The principle door keeper clears the lobby and rings the division bell which no shit goes off in 384 different bars, all within 8 minutes of Parliament. Members then rush to the "yes" room or the "no" room and get counted duck duck goose style.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luJWcXRjLqc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luJWcXRjLqc</a>

Can you believe the Europeans are actually sad to see them go?

One of the most noticeable and "wtf?" things to foreigners are the seemingly bizarre noises that come from MPs during debate. Believe it or not, there is a logic to all of this.

In general, members are not to interrupt whomever the chair has recognized. Commentary in support or derision should come at the end of sentences so as not to interrupt THIS VERY IMPORTANT DEBATE. This is a method for 'back benchers' (aka Members who do not have an official position with their party) to let their feelings be known, as it is nearly impossible to get recognized by the Chair without prior coordination. In general, this is limited to short words such as "here here!", "resign!", "shameful!" etc. 

It is also a great way to frustrate the Speaker/Chair if the Members do not feel that a VERY IMPORTANT DEBATE is being properly addressed, framed, scheduled, time allocated etc

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kKRKHJ5k8o" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kKRKHJ5k8o</a>

In contrast to heckling there are certain things which are utterly inexcusable, such as leaving the chamber early:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k3qify43Jo" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k3qify43Jo</a>

Remember when I said commentary should be limited to words? Applause is SIMPLY INTOLERABLE!

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npRPUyeAMKE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npRPUyeAMKE</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_LdPCL7sMk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_LdPCL7sMk</a>

Personal attacks are never allowed and such language will be asked to be withdrawn:
hang in there all ye proud Scotsman, we're getting to him in the next post

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hye0xR20SYQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hye0xR20SYQ</a>

If you do something shameful enough, as demonstrated in the clip below, you will be NAMED and in all probability suspended from the current sitting:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USoZ1f_FiOw" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USoZ1f_FiOw</a>

Part of being known as a great Parliamentarian is figuring out to stay within the rules while simultaneously pissing everyone else off to get your point across. Sometimes, you can even be more effective by saying 'fuck the rules' and making a name for yourself.

This brings us to Part 2: Knowing the players and their greatest hits VVVVVVV


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For this post, I want to highlight some of the more notable rite hounourabule members so you can get an idea of what's going on in their clips.

The Players:

The Right Honourable John Bercow, Speaker of the House Of Commons

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3SatnBzVkM" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3SatnBzVkM</a>

Bercow (pronounced Bear Claw) is a conservative turned liberal and would probably be in Labour were he not speaker. With that track record, and to nobody's surprise, he's also a jew. He happens to be very bad at being a jew as he just can't stop tripping all over his own dick with idiotic scandals and front page "rows" over inconsequential shit like getting a DVD player for his chambers and riding three blocks in a limo. He's mostly there as nobody else really wants the job with the current shit show of a divided government.

Bercow's all-star clips are primarily of him screaming and getting frustrated because nobody respects him while he's in the chair.

He also really, REALLY hates DRUMPH

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Oo1pr5vxXQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Oo1pr5vxXQ</a>

But despite all that he does manage to get in some sick burns from time to time:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8_uIwdOD3g" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8_uIwdOD3g</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DIxt4fKQmY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DIxt4fKQmY</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2IxFcBrqyI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2IxFcBrqyI</a>

All that being said, Bercow was the subject of what by any measure was a grubby plot back in 2015 to call an election for Speaker after many members had gone home for the holidays. Generally viewed as a personal power play by David Cameron enacted by perpetual front bencher William Hague, a back bench Tory revolt saved Bercow.

What follows from Charles Walker is possibly the greatest impromptu speech in Parliament since the war:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBWi_5yQzvk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBWi_5yQzvk</a>

Cameron's plot backfired spectacularly. You can hear the Labour members screaming at Hague to resign:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I15qPCvOu2E" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I15qPCvOu2E</a>

And probably didn't help the coalition as it marched towards Brexit, the destruction of the coalition and a new government, which gives us this goddamn thug life moment:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B71JnOJXBPM" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B71JnOJXBPM</a>

The Right Honourable Sir Lindsay Hoyle, Deputy Speaker of the House of Commons

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hx59FEgScfw" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hx59FEgScfw</a>

Lindsay "The Hammer" Hoyle is known for getting really fucking mad, especially at the SNP. He recently had some personal shit go down which has softened him up but his greatest hits are really close to being actual hits:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqDIseF3SPs" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqDIseF3SPs</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws36gqBw_YU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws36gqBw_YU</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYnbfETDC_s" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYnbfETDC_s</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ebe_U1BzxY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ebe_U1BzxY</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDryOpdWh0o" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDryOpdWh0o</a>


WATCH THIS SPACE for Theresa May, Mhairi Black, Jeremy Corbyn, and MISSSSSSSSSTER DAVID SKINNER
« Last Edit: May 27, 2018, 06:39:18 PM by InsideOutside »

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These fags make the US congress look efficient and organized by comparison.


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Quote from: George Lincoln Rockwell
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888 didnít read shit OP a faggot

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If anyone bothers to continue to vote to get it discussed it will be mentioned once and then ignored.

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