redditors.txt

[LITERALLY A RAPIST]

combination of shitthatneverhappened, legal advice from 16 year olds, and overall faggotry.

better keep your mouth shut unless you want A KNUCKLE SANDWICH

written by a guy who has never actually been in a rl conflict

I was in a bar once with a girl that I really loved (I still do, even if I'm not with her anymore), when some douchebag came out from nowhere and start speaking to my girlfriend very rudely.
I am not a violent person so I just asked him to apologize and leave before I really get on my nerves. Considering I am quite skinny and "gentle-looking" (not the badass you are afraid to ask something to), he just replied something like "Shut up if you don't want to eat your own teeth".
I just totally loose control and crushed my beer pint into his face, hard enough to break it. Then I've left with my girlfriend, the barman kicked the douche out and politely ask me to do not come back for some time because he did not want more troubles.
I said "ok" because I understand his issues and leave.
tl;dr I have been banned from a bar for I have crushed my pint in a douchebag face.

[LITERALLY A RAPIST]

What NSFW thing have you done that you regret? (self.AskReddit)
submitted 4 hours ago by throwaway987019236
I'll start. I was staying at my cousin's house on halloween (we've done it every year since we were 7) and it was late. We were talking about relationships and how much we failed at them. As a joke I asked whether she would go out with me if we weren't cousins. She said yes.
She asked me the same thing, and my reply was the same. One thing led to the other and we ended up doing it for about 10 minutes. This was about 5 years ago, and I will never forget it (in a bad way). If I could go back and stop myself I would, because I can never see her the same way again because of it.
tl;dr I lost my virginity to my cousin and my cousin lost her virginity to me

FunkiHomosapien 3 points 1 hour ago
I know I'll get people judging me on morals for this story, but here I go anyways.
I was at my lesbian friends apartment and she let me use her computer while she was in the shower. I'm browsing through and I accidently clicked on a folder. 12 pictures came up, all of them showing her completely nude. I was shocked at first then my hormones kicked into effect and I saved them onto my flashdrive. After I left her place, I went home and fapped to her nudes. Afterwards, I regretted it tremendously. Even deleted the pictures. She never found out nor will she ever find out.

[–]misterkittycat 4 points 3 hours ago
fucked a hooker, liked it, fucked some more hookers (over the course of a single day) spent over a grand and got laid 6 times in a day, got myself a fungal infection from hell, no STD's though, thank god

[High Impact Sexbot 2020]

What NSFW thing have you done that you regret? (self.AskReddit)
submitted 4 hours ago by throwaway987019236
I'll start. I was staying at my cousin's house on halloween (we've done it every year since we were 7) and it was late. We were talking about relationships and how much we failed at them. As a joke I asked whether she would go out with me if we weren't cousins. She said yes.
She asked me the same thing, and my reply was the same. One thing led to the other and we ended up doing it for about 10 minutes. This was about 5 years ago, and I will never forget it (in a bad way). If I could go back and stop myself I would, because I can never see her the same way again because of it.
tl;dr I lost my virginity to my cousin and my cousin lost her virginity to me

[LITERALLY A RAPIST]

http://imgur.com/taZlX
Pulled out my tampon to find a half dead spider stuck in it. (imgur.com)
submitted 9 hours ago by UnKamenRider to WTF
895 commentssharesavehidereport
http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/yo9jn/pulled_out_my_tampon_to_find_a_half_dead_spider/


 

[BubbaCat]

From the reddit thread and in my top ten gooniest things ever said on the internet:

Just sprayed chocolate milk over my monitor. Still chuckling.

You, goonsire, owe me one new monitor.
 

[High Impact Sexbot 2020]

 

[woulduliketonomoar]

If these aren't trolls then someone needs to doxx the hell out of this family.

Shoot the dad and the son.

Mom seems somewhat "normal" or at the very least sane.  She promptly took off with the kid even though he's fucked in the head because dad wasn't being a dad and sharing VERY IMPORTANT information with mom about what a sick little fucker the kid is.

[BubbaCat]

What he needs to do is report his son and force the truth out.  If he doesn't, it implicates him in the abuse by covering it up, even if his son really was doing the woofylovin.  It is obviously not dog rape that caused the separation.  It was the excuse she has been waiting a very long time for.  Obviously the redditor has some kind of track record with being honest, or she is just a crazy bitch who already has a boyfriend.  It is obviously a troll, since all einstein had to say is that yiff-yiff was suicidal.  No mother would block therapy then.

[GFR]

So they make rape kits for dogs? Is this how he found out?

  

[High Impact Sexbot 2020]

the problem is that you can't conclusively say it's a troll anymore because real people are this dysfunctional. This dysfunctional.

I try and point out just how screwed up and blind people are sometimes and the words fail me. I cannot get across to people just how far backwards we've gone.

[High Impact Sexbot 2020]

Kevin Smith, hoisted by his own double-reinforced petard.

[OSI]

Kevin Smith in "South by Southwest"

[LITERALLY A RAPIST]

[–]CourageToGrow 30 points 38 minutes ago (35|5)
It depended on how much influence they had in an area. My grandfather was "involved" with some mob business post WWII. Basically the people knew that if they wronged someone else, it was much worse to receive punishment from the mob than the police.
For example a man in the area my grandfather "worked" was beating his wife. When the mob found out (they were specifically called the "black hand") they marked his front door with a soot-covered hand. Turned out he didn't stop, so they made a house call and told him "it would be a mistake to hit his wife again". The man continued, so they came back again. They broke his hands in so many pieces that he couldn't physically hit his wife anymore.

yes, as we all know violent mobsters who often beat the shit out of their own families were quite prone to theatrics and exacting revenge on domestic abuse cases.

[High Impact Sexbot 2020]

  if the mob wants you to do something they don't ask three fucking times

[LITERALLY A RAPIST]

[–]Banfrau 36 points 1 hour ago
Actually, soldiers usually judge a clip by its weight to see how many rounds it has left, if they don't have the time to accurately measure.

i hate redditors because they're this special breed of nerd that manage to pass off the most incorrect bullshit that they learned from their vidya games as absolute fact. anyone who's ever actually handled a gun knows how dumb (most of the people on this board?) knows how retarded this is.

[Rocket]

[–]Banfrau 36 points 1 hour ago
Actually, soldiers usually judge a clip by its weight to see how many rounds it has left, if they don't have the time to accurately measure.

i hate redditors because they're this special breed of nerd that manage to pass off the most incorrect bullshit that they learned from their vidya games as absolute fact. anyone who's ever actually handled a gun knows how dumb (most of the people on this board?) knows how retarded this is.

I hope the first reply was that he is an idiot who doesn't know a clip from a magazine.

[High Impact Sexbot 2020]

[–]Banfrau 36 points 1 hour ago
Actually, soldiers usually judge a clip by its weight to see how many rounds it has left, if they don't have the time to accurately measure.

Yes but only when we remember to bring our Battle Scales.

Jesus christ hahaha 

[Rocket]

I just realized Ida Hammer is a man.

[OSI]

[–]Banfrau 36 points 1 hour ago
Actually, soldiers usually judge a clip by its weight to see how many rounds it has left, if they don't have the time to accurately measure.

Yes but only when we remember to bring our Battle Scales.

Jesus christ hahaha 

Oh man my fucking sides.

[Rocket]

You're talking about someone who says "accurately measure" instead of "count."

[BubbaCat]

In my goonish need to correct, or possibly because I was Army and this made my sperg-levels hit an epic high...
Most of you guys know this, but still I have to sperg...

 

There is not a good way to know when a loaded weapon is empty until the slide/bolt remains open, or you here a *click* or absence of a report, or a tracer round(s) comes out.  You cannot count rounds spent accurately.  You do not get an HID telling you a bullet count; and you hardly ever replace a magazine that is not empty unless not engaged. 

Is there a link to that post?  I am dying to see the CoD experts' input.

[LITERALLY A RAPIST]

I can't find it anymore, the entire fucking site is filled with halloween costumes of video game characters because reddit is the only group of people who would actually give a fuck.

I think the thread was originally about how mirrors in vidya games work or something, and it somehow devolved into that. Then there was someone coming in that said a ranger told them to put the five tracer rounds last so you know if you were out, other people arguing with him that said BUT THEN THE ENEMY WILL KNOW YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO, another person saying it was a waste of tracers, etc. it was pretty obvious none of them were ever in the military because they would have known the policy differs between battalions and even platoons.

There was also someone in there correcting everyone's terminology of the word gun, and that it's either a rifle or pistol and you only refer to a machine gun as a gun. PRetty obvious fresh basic training grad who probably fucking refers to velcro as hook and loop

[BubbaCat]

I can't find it anymore, the entire fucking site is filled with halloween costumes of video game characters because reddit is the only group of people who would actually give a fuck.

I think the thread was originally about how mirrors in vidya games work or something, and it somehow devolved into that. Then there was someone coming in that said a ranger told them to put the five tracer rounds last so you know if you were out, other people arguing with him that said BUT THEN THE ENEMY WILL KNOW YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO, another person saying it was a waste of tracers, etc. it was pretty obvious none of them were ever in the military because they would have known the policy differs between battalions and even platoons.

There was also someone in there correcting everyone's terminology of the word gun, and that it's either a rifle or pistol and you only refer to a machine gun as a gun. PRetty obvious fresh basic training grad who probably fucking refers to velcro as hook and loop

Gotcha.  Mostly I saw the third to last round, because we were rarely ever full auto.  The third to last round meant two more shots to follow in your three round burst.  Some units did not use tracers any for that kind.  Obviously this is where they are engaged covertly.  There are units where the squad leader or platoon leaders would be shooting all tracers in order to direct where you should be concentrating your fire.  And as it is written anywhere else outside of a video game, unless it is smaller than a squad, it is not a weakness, because when one guy shoots a tracer off, there is another 8 or more soldiers still firing providing cover.  And you are right.  Use depends on circumstance.  Are we patrolling at night? What is the size of our squad?  How many and what types of artillery are backing us if any? Etc...........................

[BubbaCat]

Finally the wife believes him but dad tells her to pound sand and takes the dog and bails on the family.

what a fucking hot mess

 

hey if you're gonna tell a bullshit story, don't skimp on the bullshit 

Finally, some closure.

[Procrustes]

what a fucking hot mess