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Author Topic: Gratuitously Wasted Agent Reviews Stand-up Hotspot (G.W.A.R.S.H., the thread)  (Read 33560 times)

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So since I am prone to go on giant 888 screeds about my work as a comedian, my thoughts on the vocation, my comic friends and experiences, and my thoughts on famous comics, a couple of you have suggested I should just have my own thread about it. It is a pretty interesting occupation to have, and even if I wasn't a comedian myself, I've studied it pretty seriously and been fascinated with it since I was like 8 or 9.

This thread is by no means just a place for my opinionations, this is all about an open discussion. A discussion I will add to some more later on when I'm drunk. For right now, though, while I'm sober, I'm gonna make the OP just a collection of my various previous comedy 888s all in one space, both for convenience AND to trigger monostat by quoting myself.


If you read the (huge but very entertaining) book "Live From New York: An Uncensored History Of Saturday Night Live", the parts about women were almost all like this. The book doesn't have a fixed narrative, it just goes from topic to topic with anecdotes and thoughts from the cast members themselves.

When it gets to the late 80's, the men are busy talking about comedy and such, and the women (Jan Hooks, Nora Dunn, Victoria Jackson) are just blabbing about what cunts the other two were and how mean they were and muh feelz. Then when it goes to the mid-late 90's, again, men are talking about comedy and their influences and ideas for sketches, Cheri O'Teri, Molly Shannon, and Ana Gasteyer are just going on and on about feelings and she was mean and she was catty and she said bad stuff about her and 8888888888.

PS Iliza Shlesinger may be hot but I hope she accidentally puts a hair curler in her cunt and turns it on for an hour. I really, really hate that woman.

PS Iliza Shlesinger may be hot but I hope she accidentally puts a hair curler in her cunt and turns it on for an hour. I really, really hate that woman.

Once one writes an article for XoJane, any right to claim a living as a comedian is forfeit.

I have worked with this woman once and she was about the biggest cunt I have ever met, and HORRIBLY unfunny. Like, wow. It was breathtaking.

http://www.nbc.com/the-tonight-show/video/iliza-shlesinger-standup/2965803

This is six minutes on the tonight show. This means this is her A++++ tear the house down material. Yeah I hate this cunt for personal reasons, but seriously even if she was my girlfriend and blew me twice a day I'd still call this absolute shit.

Once again proof that 99.9% of female comedians can ONLY do comedy from the prospective of being a woman. Same with nog comics.

A couple people wanted me to elaborate on *My evening with Iliza*, so get ready for some 888 from the chuckle hut.

I've mentioned before that I am at a point in my career where I mostly do private and corporate events, and I fucking hate hate hate comedy clubs. Well, when I was younger I hated them too but had to work them anyway. At least it was good training, and I got to spit-shine my act, and the pay wasn't bad.

One thing that made it substantially worse was Last Comic Standing. That show has done more to ruin comedy than Dane Cook. See, if you go to a comedy club, comedians are usually in four tiers.

1 - Emcee/opener. Usually some local hack. They get paid almost nothing. This is the Riffleraffle tier, and its cringeworthy.
2 - "Middler", which is what I was. Middlers tour colleges and clubs, but haven't been on late night TV yet. Most professional comics do not move past this point.
3 - Headliner. This is usually someone who has been on a few late night talk shows, and been on a couple TV shows as well. There is a pretty broad selection of fame from this crew, but these are your workhorses. They sell the tickets and they move the booze. This is where you have to get if you want comedy to be your only job.
4 - Famous comedian. The kind who get hounded for autographs. They will occasionally drop in unannounced to a club to do a set. If they are giant cunts they bump the other comics to do this set, which can even lead to that comic losing the set and not getting paid. Tim Allen is notorious for this.

Anyway, these sets are practice for them. For example, Louis CK and Chris Rock going to the comedy cellar in NYC. They are honing small to medium sized chunks of new material. When its done they go do a tour of big theaters. The only famous guy I've worked with is Gabriel Iglesias, and I cannot say enough nice things about the guy. He was so fucking cool, and took me and two other comics out the night he showed up at Comic Strip in El Paso. Also, women fucking LOVE that guy. Stone fox mexican chicks with huge tits and a flat stomach were basically throwing themselves at him, and he kept pawning them off on us. He had some sexy girl in his lap and pointed at me and said "This guy is gonna be huge! He's on tour with me!" which were all lies but the chick was on me then. He also drinks like a fish and paid for everything. I doubt he reads niggerdeth but if he does, you are awesome Gabe.

If you want to make money in comedy but don't want to live in hotels and airports, you do what I do. Middle throughout your 20's, build up your skill set, and eventually go corporate/college. I'm the comedy equivalent of an 80's rock cover band that plays insurance salesmen conventions. Its more fun than it sounds, to be honest, and its steady.

For the most part, comedy is a blatant meritocracy. You get laughs or you don't. As of late there has been a lot of affirmative action in it, which explains the careers of say, Mindy Kaling and Charlene Yi, but thats a whole other rant.

So on those four tiers you have certain expectations. A headliner should be able to do a full, solid hour. Solid, moving along, hour. A middler can be bumped to headliner on short notice, so it behooves you to also have an hour, but some skirt by with 30 minutes. An opener has like, 5 weak ass minutes usually.

Along comes last comic standing. They selected their contestants for the same reason people get on most reality shows: who is gonna get ratings and create drama. But here is a problem; Imagine if the NFL made a reality show based around a new team, and lets say the team roster was made up of the same criteria. Diversity and attitude with no real care for actual football skill. Well, the show might be entertaining but the actual football playing is gonna suck balls. People are gonna go "Huh? This is football?! This is terrible, I'm not paying to come to this again".

You can see where I'm going with this.

So here are 10 or so middling to terrible comics who now have a huge national audience they didn't earn and aren't skilled enough to really entertain. Boom, they are all now headliners, and their posters will all say "FROM NBC'S HIT SHOW: LAST COMIC STANDING!" So these parasites go out into the comedy world, and people go "Oh I know him from TV!" and buy a ticket and watch some godawful comedy. They then think 'Hmm...this is standup? This kinda sucks, lets not do this anymore'. There is actually an inverse relationship between LCS and actual comedy club numbers. The show made standup more visible, but with really shit comedians.

Fun fact: The prize for the winner of the first LCS was a contract with NBC to get on some TV shows and get a CC special and stuff. The guy who won, Dat Phan, won because of his sob story, not being funny. Well, NBC was still on the hook to put him on TV, so they gave him a bunch of extra roles on a bunch of shit shows to fulfill the contract. Sometimes he was uncredited. Not exactly lighting the world on fire.

So this shitting up of muh performin' artz has been consistent. In 2008 Iliza won. She was a hot blonde with big tits, people tuned in to see her tits and so she won. As demonstrated by the above video, she is massively unfunny. I was middling at a club in Texas shortly after she won, so she was the headliner. She showed up late, 15 minutes into my set. The owner didn't know if she was showing up at all, so I was prepared to do a full 45 minute set if need be. Doing comedy with time calibration at the front of your mind sucks.

She walked in and made a big scene, like she was fucking Madonna or something. WHERE IS THE GREEN ROOM? GET ME SOME WINE, BARTENDER, THANK YOUUUUUUUuuuu. She kept asking where the bouncers were, and was informed that they don't have them. Finally she fucks off and I finish my set and announce her. Nothing. I apologize to the crowd and go back to the green room and she's blabbing on the phone. I told her she was on and she gave me the stinkeye. She said goodbye to her friend (which took 20 looooooooooooong seconds) and went up onstage. Commence 45 minutes of lol men r dum lol women are catty lol its so hard being a hot girl amirite. Tepid response. That ends the 7 show. The 9 show rolls around, opener, me, and again, she's late onstage. I was prepared for this, so I started this bit about how she is sooooo famous and sooooo funny and introducing her in all these weird accents. One of the waitresses went to go get her, spoiling my fun. When she came onstage I did this big thing about averting my eyes and trying to kiss her feet and beg for her blessing.

Now, a true comic would have taken the baton and ran with it, making fun of me and bashing the shit out of me. Hell, its fun, we do it all the time. But no, she launches into her spiel and I proceed to get drunk, and laugh really sarcastically loudly until I am told by the owner to stop. But I'm drunk and I yell out "BUT SHE'S SOOOO FUNNY!" He asks again nicely and I stop.

After the show she came up to be and called me an asshole. I took the expired hotel keycard from the night before out of my wallet and handed it to her, winking. She told me to fuck off and left.

So that's muh 888 about the magical night I let the love of my life slip through my fingers.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98T3PVaRrHU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98T3PVaRrHU</a>

Oh, speaking of SNL women, get this bit of theology.

You might remember Julia Sweeny from the early 90's. Well, she is a huge outspoken atheist now. How did she come to the conclusion that god cannot possibly exist? Two tragedies happened to her.

1. Her brother died of cancer, which is understandably tragic but hardly unique, and not something that should require major theological recalibration.
2. Her movie bombed.

Quote
Coincidental tragedy and aftermath
In an unfortunate coincidence, the weekend that It's Pat opened to box office failure was also the weekend that Sweeney received serious news about her brother. Sweeney said: "The movie bombed on Friday, and on Sunday [my brother] Mike called, saying he was very sick and didn't have insurance."

The subsequent events, including the death of her brother, became the subject of Sweeney's one-woman show and film, titled God said "Ha!".


This is how solipsistic a woman can be. "I made a bad movie, and it bombed and nobody liked it. This is objectively universally unjust. The only possible explanation is that...THERE IS NO GOD!  "

Yeah, how selfish and bizarrely out of touch with reality is that?

"THERE IS NO GOD!"

"Wow, how did you come to this conclusion?"

"Well I starred in a movie and it didn't do so good. If there was a god he wouldn't allow such terrible things."

There's people starving and dying and sitting next to their spouses holding their hands as they die in agony, but no, nothing compares to "my movie I starred in didn't do good".

I only find Aisha Tyler and Sarah Silverman funny (all ss cred drops to negative infinity) but mostly women comics are ranting about periods, cramps or how slutty they are.

I did some big effortpost on this a few months back, but yeah, this is the problem with most comedians who are women/black/gay/muslim/X group. They can ONLY see the world through the eyes of that group.

Every single female or black comic I worked with on the road did exclusively material about being a woman or being black. Whats worse, is they couched, IN THE MATERIAL, direct accusations to the audience that if you DON'T laugh at the upcoming punchline you are a bigot. They were incapable of just having a funny thought or observation that was ubiquitous or universal.

The best comics from these groups can straddle the line. Eddie Murphy had plenty of bits about being black, but he had bits about being a kid and shitting in the tub, or music, or family, that everyone could love. Hannibal Buress is a brilliant young black comic just getting big now who is a great jokewriter who does material everyone can relate to.

I also really like Sarah Silverman as a jokewriter. I've heard plenty of jokes she's written and thought "man, wish I thought of that". But then, this is why she's been a marquee headliner since her 20's.

This is why at this point in my career I very rarely take bookings at comedy clubs, because I have to work with other comedians, and I have no idea if they are going to take a shit onstage and give me a hole to dig out of. I like bars and private/corporate events where I work ALOOOONE. And when I DO feel like going out to see comedy myself, if I even see a woman or I'M A BLACK MAN black guy or whatever on the poster, I don't bother going. Burned too many times.

:effort:

I've done gigs at venues with variety nights that included drag queens and the drag queens were hysterical. They took every aspect of being a woman and blew it up in intentionally funny ways. They'd hurl catty insults at each other that may as well have been written by R Lee Ermy, they have attention whore wars, they call everyone around them (including straight women and each other) faggot. They were irl John Waters characters and they were fun as shit. It was like hanging out with the Kids in the Hall in drag.

No depression, no political agenda, no suicidal sadbrains, no horsepiss, no woe-is-me, no pretending to be something they aren't, just a bunch of campy faggots out to have a good time. Also they all had loads of actual hot chick friends who would come to the shows, and that was always a plus.

Agent Provodkateur you do this professionally, right? Curious who you think are the best in the game currently.


Bill Burr is the greatest living standup comic in my opinion, in terms of what is being put out now. His last three specials were all rock solid and on fire. It could be Louis CK but I think his FX show is draining his time spent writing material and edges him out. Jim Jeffries and Dave Attell are both amazing workhorses, and I have bootlegs of both of them, and even when they are just working out new material thats rough they do it was amazing natural instinct.

Brian Regan fascinates me because if you go see what he was like in the 80's, he was so schticky and schlocky, he was like someone doing an impression of a shit 80's comic. As that scene died down he honed it into something great, and now you can only see little intentional glimpses of him being such a hyuk hyuk guy.

I adore Billy Connolly and Dara O'Briain, as they are almost half-comedian-half-raconteurs, and thats a dying artform. Like, okay, how easy is it to get on stage and call feng shui or aromatherapy stupid? Its so easy. Almost any bit you write about either of them will be predictable because everyone makes fun of these things.

Here is Billy Connolly ripping apart both subjects, but in an unstructured, unpolished way, and its funnier for it. There's hardly any real punchlines, its all in the performance. This is the kind of top tier shit that only a dozen people alive at any given time can do on this level. I

https://youtu.be/2kuspt3Cglo?t=3843

This kind of comedy is dying and it really sucks.

There are many older comedians I absolutely love and respect who insist that 80's Leno was a beast. Nobody in the late 80's could beat the shit out of a room like Leno, he was edgy and hip and all that. Again, these are dudes who know whats up.

Why Leno never recorded a special, or left any sort of that behind is beyond me. Since he took over the tonight show he is basically the patron saint of lame safe hyuk hyuk comedy. He became the new Hee Haw for older people living in cities.

I was borderline curious to catch him on tour but a friend told me his standup act is an hour of his lame monologue. I wonder if it eats at him, having to dull the edge of the blade so so much for mass appeal, and becoming a joke. At what point is the money no longer worth it? Is the life of someone making $2 million a year REALLY that different from $10 million? $10 million to $20 million?

A better example would be Eddie Murphy. He is, in my opinion, the closest thing standup has had to a Mozart. At 22 he was doing huge theaters, doing 100 minute shows of blistering hot comedy, and unlike most black comics, most of it was universal. Stories about the family bbq, the ice cream man, sex, ect. It wasn't a 100 minute chimpout. He then put out a second special, still in his 20's, even better. He was on track to outdo Pryor WHILE PRYOR WAS STILL ALIVE.

Then suddenly he quit.

Then Daddy Day Care. Norbit. Pluto Nash. He hasn't touched a live mic in almost 30 years.

I don't get it.

Well let's not be too harsh, that was just one gig. Surely this fair lady has got a lot more comedic material to work with and isn't just 24/7 bitching abou




 :facepalm:

This is why I almost never work in clubs. I do bars/corporate gigs and private shows almost exclusively to avoid people like this, who are infesting the job to SJW it up, which infuriates me. Someone goes out to "see some standup", sees this shit, and then goes "huh...welp, that sucked."

Then an actually good comedian comes to town and those people think "oh standup? we've seen it, it sucked".

I know some absolutely killer, KILLER guys out there doing the road thing who are struggling to sell tickets, and faggots like this are contributing to the problem.

THIS COMEDY DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH DIVERSITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Yeah, and the Beatles and Stones were all white guys too, lets toss all their shit out as well.

What about alleged joke thieves like Dane Cook, or perhaps a better exams would be Denis Leary, who have had more than flash-in-the-pan success? How doe they square with that theory? I'm not challenging you here, just curious to see what you think.

Dane Cook is pretty much Gen X Robin Williams. To quote myself from mpc:

Quote
What Stephen Wright, Emo Philips, and Dan Mintz do is really dangerous comedy. If the lines weren't completely rock solid they'd totally bomb. There was a guy on Last Comic Standing a few years back who had that style, but his material was weak so watching him was just so painful.

Doing standup is part writing and part performing, and to succeed you have to have enough of either. The best comedians, In my opinion, lean way, way harder on the writing. Their material is so solid they don't have to 'sell' it with flailing around and catchphrases and loud bombastic delivery. This is where Robin Williams and Dane Cook show their weakness as writers. They both have to expend so much energy to get laughs, which is indicative of weak material. If you took shit from either of their last few specials and did it at an open mic without enthusiasm you'd be booed offstage because its weak.

Once I tried to pain my way through like "The Original Queens of Comedy" movie or something, and it was just fat loud negresses yelling into microphones.

"SO DA OTHA DAY I WUZ GETTIN MAH WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNE"

to thunderous applause and ooking and eeking. There is no punchline, she just loudly said something she does to identify with a stupid audience. This is why "The Original Kings of Comedy" is an amazing thing to me. It is 90 minutes of niggers deriding the worst nigger behavior to other niggers and its just accepted as comedy. Bernie Mac has a bit about how when white workers go on break, they come back when they're expected. "BUT BLACK FOLK? WHEN WE GO ON BREAK, WE BREAK! YA GOTTA COME FIND OUR ASS, WE BE HIDIN'!" He's basically saying "Our race is lazy and shiftless and therefore we are bad employees. Your laughter acknowledges the truth of this claim!" How there can be giant stockpiles of this kind of comedy consumed by niggers who will then turn around and demand total societal and economic egalitarianism baffles the shit out of me. You're lazy and shiftless and untrustworthy and way prone to crime and abuse of the gibz me dat, to the point where you find mention of it humorous (as long as a nigger is doing it), why on earth would you consider yourselves equal?

This is also why smart white comedians bomb HARD in front of nigger audiences. I was once hired to perform at this place in Houston, and one of the guys I was booked with is a smart college type comic who does a lot of religion jokes and audience rapport. I researched the demographics of the area and knew it would be an almost entirely black audience. I warned him to adjust his act or bomb, but he didn't think it would matter (he is a superlib btw who believes blacks are all magical negroes kept down by the man). After five minutes he was being pelted with ice and bottlecaps.

I went up and just did louder and cruder versions of the old sex material I threw out years ago, as well as apeing (lol) Chappelles character from The Nutty Professor with like HEY LOOKIT DIS GIRLS EARRINGS, BITCH YOU KEEP DEM BIG ASS HOOPS ON IN CASE A BAKKABALL GAME BREAK OUT!? and killed because I knew that niggers are niggers.

Women and blacks typically cannot see life outside of being a woman or being black. Almost all the ones I have performed with do exclusive material about their gender or race. They are seemingly incapable of seeing the world through neutral eyes and therefore incapable of writing neutral jokes that anyone could tell. This is why Sarah Silverman is a great exception to me - she writes loads of material that a man could just as easily tell. Sure, she's got a few jokes about being a jew or woman, BUT it is not the entirety of what she writes about.

Dane Cook has been haunted way, way worse than he expected by the joke theft, and the fact that chubby schlub Louis CK has had a meteoric rise and left him behind with the reputation of a joke thief kills him. I've got friends in LA who said from 2007-2010 he would ALWAYS get heckled at clubs with Louis' name, and would meltdown about it frequently. Part of the fun of watching this was the fact that Dane Cook was the first comic to make himself super available to his fans online before and leading up to myspace being a mainstay for college kids. The fact that Cook was completely out there meant that when the accusation of theft hit he got hit on all sides, and has been persona non grata to other comedians since. He tried to rebound with that godawful "Tourgasm" show that bombed, and since then he's just become a younger liberal Larry the Cable Guy. Like Larry, his fans now are people who exclusively listen to HIM and no other comics. At least Larry writes his own stuff.

Denis Leary vanished from standup comedy after "No Cure for Cancer", which was basically a Bill Hicks minstrel show. Its been 20 years and you cannot find him anywhere onstage. Yeah he's got a movie career and "Rescue Me", but he knows he's not a good comic. He headlined some thing for CC like 3 years ago and was literally doing viagra jokes.

A couple really good transgressive/alternative comedy albums from the last couple years are Andy Daly's "Nine Sweaters" and the less appreciated Matt Besser album "The 6 Most Important Sets in the History of Stand Up”.

If you've seen "The King's Speech", you'll love this

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIX9pZPJNDY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIX9pZPJNDY</a>

This is by far the strangest of the tracks and is a fantastic standout

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wq-MRdkLozI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wq-MRdkLozI</a>


"Nine Sweaters" is sort of like the comedy version of Heath Ledger's Joker preparation. The story, as I've heard, is Andy Daly spent 10 weeks in LA and at the end of each week he did a standup set as a completely different character he had developed the previous week. Almost all of them were solid fucking gold.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGnMnMxY7P8" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGnMnMxY7P8</a>

This character is also on the album, but this is a different set.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZUAJEQv4cA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZUAJEQv4cA</a>

Highly recommend a torrent of this, if you can find one.

Another album with a somewhat (in inside baseball comedy nerd circles) legendary past, Comedy For Gracious Living by The State. Story for this one is that the troupe went to the bahamas in the mid 90's and just spent the month high as fuck on weed writing and making this album. Its weirdness shows, and it was released like 14 years later. Here's a track with some asshole's shit animation added on.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk0r4B2YkRE" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk0r4B2YkRE</a>

After getting superfamous as Mr. Bean, Rowan wanted to prove he could do a lot of other stuff, and did an amazing one man show.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFxzw7p5u8U" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFxzw7p5u8U</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94o-D2_k5ew" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94o-D2_k5ew</a>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9R7elhS5sng" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9R7elhS5sng</a>

I got a PM asking me my opinion on Amy Schumer and since my response ended up as a big 888 I may as well just post the damn thing.

She's an above average comedian for a broad, but I 100% believe all the plagiarism accusations flying around as of late. Her problem isn't that 90% of her standup and sketch show are about how she's marginally attractive/average and she's slutty, essentially a two note comic. Her problem is she's not all that amazing at it.

There's a comedian named Lavell Crawford. He was one of Saul's goons on Breaking Bad. He's this gigantically fat black dude and a lot of his act is him talking about being a big fat black dude, but he's on fire when he does it. I caught him live once and I about lost my shit. He beat the shit out of the crowd for 50 full minutes, HARD, and most of it was being fat/black/fat+black. Holy shit did I laaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh.

Here's a full special of his and I fucking loved it:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYVaz6jUGww" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYVaz6jUGww</a>

Schumer mostly generates chuckles here or there, and a handful of head nods from broads. Even on her own specials she doesn't KILL.

Like, for being a woman led sketch show her show is okay. Its not TERRIBLE. I caught a handful of her most popular sketches on youtube and grinned a couple times. But compare it to Chappelle's show 11+ years ago. Nearly every episode of his show had one iconic unforgettable sketch. She's like a good high school softball player, he's shortstop for the Yankees.

So yeah, now that she's got herself some fame, she's bending over backwards to appeal to shitlibs and Jews. If you pulled her aside 10 years ago when nobody knew who she was and asked her about gun control she'd have given you a blank stare. Its all for show.

Also, she has been telling jokes about what a slut she is for 10 years, and some kid tried to also make a joke on twitter about her being a slut and she threw him under the bus for oppression points, so at this point she's p much dead to me. I liked her movie Trainwreck but I won't see anything else she's in because fuck her.

Thats kind of the shitty part of being a comedian or a fan of comedy and being a shitlord. 95% of the comedy world is pretty liberal, so to enjoy it you have to just tolerate the shitlib part. The vast vast VAST amount of comics I've worked with when I was working the road were shitlib supreme, and usually deviants. I loved Key and Peele. Every once in a while they'd even realtalk their own race, and they did LOADS of material that had 0% to do with being black. Like their fat nerd compulsive liar character was fantastic.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcbj8BBsWSA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcbj8BBsWSA</a>

 But then they do shit like this:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUUDypEDNQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUUDypEDNQ</a>

to appeal to the shitlib crowd and get likes. And recently the bald one said he'd leave the country if Trump won. So I have to reconcile that I think the dude is funny but has shit opinions. Or maybe he doesn't and is just placating for the benefit of his career.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2016, 05:07:39 PM by Drinker Tailor Soldier Spy »

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+2
I honestly do feel a little bit for Jaleel White being stuck as Urkel forever. My biggest problem with it is yeah he was a nerdy character, but as a physical comedian, I'd honestly put white up there with Charlie Chaplain or Chris Farley and I'm not fucking kidding.

He was a one note one-off side character who went on to literally become the most important part of the show. The writing wasn't great, but the character was hysterical because White was just so instinctively spot-on with posture and facial expressions.

Not only was he a prodigy as a physical comic (he was barely a teenager in season 1), he mastered another kind of comedy that is incredibly hard to do. How do be funny doing nothing, like Jack Benny.

Watch this clip to get an idea of what I mean. There was a lot of that in the Urkel character.

A lot of what makes the muppets funny is they can easily do what is difficult for an actor. Just a slow turned head and blank stare.

A lot of this shit still holds up as funny:

http://cinemassacre.com/2009/11/30/top-20-urkel-moments/

There are not a lot of teenagers in this world who could be handed a role of "token black nerd" on a TV show and turn the entire thing into a ratings powerhouse. He did it.

Obligatory:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5Zdp1RfoyI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5Zdp1RfoyI</a>

My friend was friends with Jaleel White and apparently he played basketball pretty well.

I have to eat nuggets of shit every time I say this, irl or online, but the man was a phenomenal physical comedian with skills well beyond his age, and the fact that he has slid into 90's omg lol u 'memba that trivia is fucking bullshit.

http://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-celebrities/actors/jaleel-white-net-worth/

$10 million. Fucking good. I can think of 100 comedians worth more with way less talent. A fucking 14 year old stepping on to the set of a show and doing so great the show is then lowered onto your shoulders so you can carry it forward lurching 9 full seasons of bullshit premises and weakass writing based entirely on your comedic skills. And you're like 14-20 during this time. Carrying a full sitcom on your fucking back.

Cosby didn't attempt that until his late 40's or early 50's. White took on the burden at 13.

Dude will never get his proper due from the comedy world but he'll get it from me on a niggerdeath forum.

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I hope I'm not going too far off the reservation here, but as a real comedian, what do you think of the improv scene?  Does it bother you that a ton of the standups you see on CC are just improv guys with ten minutes of standup material?

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I don't do improv, but I understand it as a skill set. Most of it is terrible, a much higher ratio of shit/good than stand up. I mean, I'll fuck around and do audience work onstage, but that whole SHOUT AN OCCUPATION thing is just cringe inducing to me.

 :adam: talks a lot about cutting a lot of his comedic chops in improv classes, but when I listen to some of the exercises they do I wouldn't be caught dead doing it. But then, a lot of the SNL people came from improv troupes, and I think improv prepares you more to work on writing sketches than doing standup.

I guess I believe improv/sketch comedy to standup comedy, as a job, is like NASCAR driver to long haul trucker. A few people who can do one well can do the other, they share a lot of related skills, but you're a hell of a lot more likely to make a decent living doing the latter, which is also a hell of a lot more practical. There are thousands of working comics. If you rounded up everyone in the USA who makes a living wage writing/performing sketch/improv, you couldn't fill high school bleachers. You've got the SNL crew, the Whose Line? crew, a couple dozen writers for the late night shows who write a couple sketches a week...and...um...well you used to have MAD TV. You've got Bob and David, and another couple dozen youtube sketch stars.

That said there will always be a place in my heart for great sketch comedy.

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what do u think about the fact I didnt read shit 888
Eleanor M. Jefferson who works for Rutgers University in the Classics Department writes rape and incest pornography under the pen name Kali Lowe.

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are you able to make a living off being a comic if you're not a big name? or i think of someone like brian posehn who as far as i can tell occasionally cameos on shows and tours college campuses - does someone like him make much money?

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Live From New York is a great book, even if you don't care much for SNL.  There's a lot of wymynyst handwringing in that book.  The book spends an unfortunate amount of time pondering if SNL was a shitlord conspiracy meant to keep strong womyn down (see: Jean Doumanian, Nora Dunn, seemingly everything after the early 90s). 

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if you are a comedian irl why are your posts so unfunny and bad?
This forum, like all iterations before it was started by a small group of people, many of whom have been posting together on various spinoffs going on 15 years now.

Dog's plans for the forum have been extensively discussed with 3 of the other 4 fagmins, via group PM, over a period of months.

The only ones "subverting" the forum here are the swole cru/wn/alt rightards who, by their own admission, want to change this forum from what it was, was intended to be, and what the former and current owners want it to be.

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I don't do improv, but I understand it as a skill set. Most of it is terrible, a much higher ratio of shit/good than stand up. I mean, I'll fuck around and do audience work onstage, but that whole SHOUT AN OCCUPATION thing is just cringe inducing to me.

 :adam: talks a lot about cutting a lot of his comedic chops in improv classes, but when I listen to some of the exercises they do I wouldn't be caught dead doing it. But then, a lot of the SNL people came from improv troupes, and I think improv prepares you more to work on writing sketches than doing standup.

I guess I believe improv/sketch comedy to standup comedy, as a job, is like NASCAR driver to long haul trucker. A few people who can do one well can do the other, they share a lot of related skills, but you're a hell of a lot more likely to make a decent living doing the latter, which is also a hell of a lot more practical. There are thousands of working comics. If you rounded up everyone in the USA who makes a living wage writing/performing sketch/improv, you couldn't fill high school bleachers. You've got the SNL crew, the Whose Line? crew, a couple dozen writers for the late night shows who write a couple sketches a week...and...um...well you used to have MAD TV. You've got Bob and David, and another couple dozen youtube sketch stars.

That said there will always be a place in my heart for great sketch comedy.
The improv things I've seen have always been shit, and more like watching a bunch of adults do exercises similar to that of a high school drama class while being so full of their own shit, that they are actually of the belief that they are hilarious. The only entertaining part is writing niggerdeath shit on the 'suggestions' pieces of paper they sometimes hand around then pull out of a hat and read aloud for the next act.

As a white male I

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if you are a comedian irl why are your posts so unfunny and bad?

Grover nigger.

Good thread, post moar AoE  :reagan:

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What ever happened to Judy Tenuda and Emo Phillips?
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Have you banged any chucklefuckers?

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Where do you live again? That says a lot about the local scene I'm sure. Husband listens to some podcast out of Chicago where it sounded like a the stand-up community just exploded because of a false rape accusation.

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You ever work in Los Angeles at the Laugh Factory, or the Tempe Improv?  Do you have any stories about Todd Glass? I saw him on Norm Macdonald's YouTube show once, and I couldn't believe he was a stand up comedian, because he was such an insufferable faggot.

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What do you think about the Amy Schumer joke stealing allegations? Or that subject in general?

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv0eWN8v_tg" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv0eWN8v_tg</a>

Edit: I see you touched on it a little earlier, I guess I just want to get a little more in-depth .

I try not to be knee-jerk about it. Sometimes a joke is so easy to come up with that its totally understandable when two comedians both reach it independently. For example, Bill Cosby, George Carlin, and Billy Connolly each came up with a variation of the following joke

"As a kid, you remember being told to say something 'in your own words'? My own words?! I've been using the same words as everyone else! Next time someone says to say something in your own words, do it. 'Quando blump schtando meep blob!'"

Its the kind of joke most people could think of and say on their own, but comedians know to grab those thoughts as they pass through our minds and polish them.

Another example is the whole "So and so wants to build a wall on the border with Mexico...who you think is gonna build it!?" This 'joke' predates Trumps candidacy by a long time, as this video is from 2007:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPuu_VE7KOA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPuu_VE7KOA</a>

Here you can see four different comedians tell their variation of the same joke, and even some band singing it and it appearing on protest signs.

All that being said, someone who is an actual joke thief, especially in this day and age where everyone is interconnected and information spreads so fast, tends to get caught with their hand in the cookie jar a bunch of times all in a row. Schumer is mos def a joke thief and I share the sentiment that she's suddenly hiding behind feminism and blaming 'misogyny' for the accusations. Even Mencia eventually fessed up to it and tried to own it.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_niS_cg8EEU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_niS_cg8EEU</a>

When I was in college I ran in a certain circuit of the same venues in a 500 mile radius and you learn pretty quick which dudes are running in the same circles and pilfering jokes. The club owners never ever cared, which is infuriating. You almost wish the club owners were MORE pretentious about 'the artform', the way art gallery owners or wrestling promoters are. The people who own those venues take shit super seriously. Most comedy club owners don't give a shit about stealing jokes or whatever as long as you do your time and move booze.

These are great posts on the topic:

http://www.pattonoswalt.com/index.cfm?page=spew&id=143
http://www.pattonoswalt.com/index.cfm?page=spew&id=144


are you able to make a living off being a comic if you're not a big name? or i think of someone like brian posehn who as far as i can tell occasionally cameos on shows and tours college campuses - does someone like him make much money?

Yes, if you do what I do and mostly do corporate and private work. You would not believe what you can charge corporations/rich people to do an hour at one of their parties. Its like the dudes who make their living in rock bands doing the same thing. Yeah you'll never get famous doing it but I was never interested in that. In fact, not only do I use a stage name, I have a google alert for that name and I keep the internet scrubbed of my performances. I don't even promote myself, my agency does it for me, and its mostly word-of-mouth anyway. I do a good show for some insurance convention, some of those guys tell their buddies who work at a lawfirm, and so on.

What ever happened to Judy Tenuda and Emo Phillips?

I worked with Tenuda once and she's godawful. The old warhorses I know say she sucked unspeakable amounts of cock for stage time building her career in the 80's.

Emo is still on the road, it seems

http://www.emophilips.com/shows

He is one of the greatest jokewriters of the last century and he will never get the due he was deserved from the general public.

Have you banged any chucklefuckers?

A couple dozen, but I mostly went for college chicks. God bless slutty college girls.

Where do you live again? That says a lot about the local scene I'm sure. Husband listens to some podcast out of Chicago where it sounded like a the stand-up community just exploded because of a false rape accusation.

I live in the middle of nowhere near an airport that can get me p much anywhere. I don't know anyone in the Chicago comedy scene ATM so I have no idea. Most of my buddies in the business are on the coasts. I did visit Chicago a couple months back and Jesus a lot of it was depressing. Its gonna be the next Detroit. Some good eats, tho.

You ever work in Los Angeles at the Laugh Factory, or the Tempe Improv?  Do you have any stories about Todd Glass? I saw him on Norm Macdonald's YouTube show once, and I couldn't believe he was a stand up comedian, because he was such an insufferable faggot.

Neither, and I actually kinda like Todd Glass' stuff. His bit about Target/K-mart made me lol p hard.

http://picosong.com/8LtV/

From what I hear though, in person he's awful.

Re: Gallagher

In the same way I have to eat shit defending Jaleel White, I love Gallagher. It kinda sucks he's just remember for smashing fruit, because he was a beast in the late 70's and throughout the 80's. His level of output of material during that time rivals Carlin.

So yeah he used props and had a gimmick. So fucking what. That was 10% of his show and it was just a hook. Blues Traveler is a great band, you gonna begrudge them for ending every show with "Run-Around", even after they preceded it with 90 minutes of great music?

If you take some 20 year old now who knows nothing about him and has no bias, and just pop in one of his shows from the 80's, they'll usually like it. Good delivery, clever bits, and lots of surprises. He was a showman.

...


......


but then he got old as fuck and became a realtalking racist shitlord and turned the whole comedy world against him.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallagher_(comedian)

Quote
In the 2010s, Gallagher's act evolved to include jokes widely considered to be racist, homophobic, and xenophobic.[7][8][9] In January, 2011, Gallagher walked out of comedian Marc Maron's WTF podcast when Maron continued to ask Gallagher about the allegations, with Gallagher responding that it was five jokes that he had heard on the street out of a 2–3 hour show. Gallagher accused Maron of "taking the other side of everything" he said in the interview.[2][10]

http://splitsider.com/2013/04/gallagher-said-racist-stuff-on-a-podcast-again/

Quote
After Gallagher started talking about his idea to build a dam across the U.S./Mexico border, guest Peter Serafinowicz straight up asked Gallagher, “Do you like Mexicans?” “Well, we’ve got enough,” Gallagher responded. He added, “When you say ‘Mexicans,’ do you mean the Mexicans that I see on TV that are tall and pretty and handsome, or the little short ones that come to the door and want to work in the backyard?”

Gallagher rambled for a bit about how there are two different types of Mexicans – short ones from Mexico and tall Spanish immigrants – and even got in a weird comment about Native Americans before Serafinowicz asked, “What are you talking about?” Gallagher rambled some more then summed up, “I’m saying the immigrants from Mexico, Honduras, San Salvador are all the same: Short, under five-foot-two.” Serafinowicz fired back, “What’s your point, though? … What’s your fucking point, man?” “You asked me if we have enough Mexicans, and I said we have enough short ones,” answered Gallagher.

Following a bit more bickering, the two comedians had this exchange:

GALLAGHER: Where do you live?
SERAFINOWICZ: I live in London, and I’m six-foot-four.
GALLAGHER: Then you don’t get to talk about American politics!
SERAFINOWICZ: I get to talk about whatever the fuck I want, actually. I can talk about anything. You don’t have to agree with it .. I just think what you’re saying, it sounds fucking racist …
GALLAGHER: Well, there are races in Mexico. There are Aztec, Incas and the European Spanish,’ Gallagher added.
MATT KIRSHEN: Wanting one lot to come into the country and not the other is pretty much the definition of racist.


A few seconds later, this happened:

SERAFINOWICZ: I don’t like what you were saying there about Mexican people, you know?
GALLAGHER: Well, freedom of speech exists in America, not in England ’cause you guys had a king.
SERAFINOWICZ: Listen man, you say whatever you want.
GALLAGHER: Then why don’t you let me say it? Why are you giving me your opinion?
ANDY WOOD: We’re letting you say a lot. We’re still not sure what the point was.
GALLAGHER: My point is scientifically, I’ve done an experiment, and I know that only the short people come to America and the tall ones stay there and have successful television shows.
SERAFINOWICZ: I think your point was that you don’t like a certain type of Mexican people. That was your point, I think.




Thats quality shitlording. He went from smashing watermelons to smashing tacos.

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Good thread I like reading your stuff.

The Gallagher exchange is really funny because actual Mexicans think the exact same thing and are super racist about it. There's like the native "Indian Mexicans" or something and basically if you're too brown or the wrong type of brown all the lighter browns look down on you.

[FLOUNCED]Blehnny Giblehts

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How come you seem to hang so much of your personal identity on the fact that, occasionally, you get drunk? Are you one of those comedians who has an ostentatious beer bottle on stage with him and starts every anecdote with a theatrical swig and a "YEAH WELL I WAS SO WASTED ONE NIGHT AND THEN"?

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How come you seem to hang so much of your personal identity on the fact that, occasionally, you get drunk? Are you one of those comedians who has an ostentatious beer bottle on stage with him and starts every anecdote with a theatrical swig and a "YEAH WELL I WAS SO WASTED ONE NIGHT AND THEN"?
Stanhope takes this to a new level; it's pretty much his entire character, but he absolutely kills it. How do you rate him btw AP?

One comedian I used to like was Ricky Gervais, but for some reason he just turned into an unfunny prick as soon as he landed 'The Office'. His sketches on the 11 O'Clock show were fantastic.


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Do you have any stories about Todd Glass? I saw him on Norm Macdonald's YouTube show once, and I couldn't believe he was a stand up comedian, because he was such an insufferable faggot.

If you thought Todd Glass was insufferable, I defy you to listen to Brett Gelman on The Nerdist Podcast.
http://nerdist.com/nerdist-podcast-brett-gelman/

tldl; guy best known for playing a rapist on television telling other comedians what they're not allowed to joke about

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How come you seem to hang so much of your personal identity on the fact that, occasionally, you get drunk? Are you one of those comedians who has an ostentatious beer bottle on stage with him and starts every anecdote with a theatrical swig and a "YEAH WELL I WAS SO WASTED ONE NIGHT AND THEN"?

Thats not my personal identity in my actual life. I usually perform drunk, but the audience can never tell and I don't even have bits about drinking or being drunk. I did in my early 20's, but not anymore.

The people I know personally know I love to drink and am a hedonist, but I don't crank it to 11 irl like I do here.


Stanhope takes this to a new level; it's pretty much his entire character, but he absolutely kills it. How do you rate him btw AP?

One comedian I used to like was Ricky Gervais, but for some reason he just turned into an unfunny prick as soon as he landed 'The Office'. His sketches on the 11 O'Clock show were fantastic.

Stanhope is amazing, and I have driven and flown conspicuously long distances to see him live when I know he's got a new set. I think his last few releases are just a notch below Bill Burr, but I am fine waiting for Burr's shit on netflix. When I go see Stanhope I always hang with him after the show. Drinking with Stanhope is a seriously transcendental experience, and he is who he is onstage. A complete degenerate.


I defy you to listen to Brett Gelman on The Nerdist Podcast.


Challenge refused in the most cowardly way possible. A couple years ago I was at the same event as Jamie Kilstein and thought he did a good set. Not great, but good. We kept in touch for a bit, but he got more and more and more and more of a fuck you dad shitlib and now he's a full blown living AIDS virus. Gelman sounds like more of the same. Any comedian telling any other comedian what they can and can't say should be drawn and quartered.

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Stanhope is amazing, and I have driven and flown conspicuously long distances to see him live when I know he's got a new set. I think his last few releases are just a notch below Bill Burr, but I am fine waiting for Burr's shit on netflix. When I go see Stanhope I always hang with him after the show. Drinking with Stanhope is a seriously transcendental experience, and he is who he is onstage. A complete degenerate.



I'm jealous. Can I touch you? Please...

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Dude. Just email Doug through his website ahead of time and tell him you wanna drink with him. If his schedule allows it, he'll usually respond in the affirmative. Thats how I first met him a few years back.

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AP have you ever met Colin Quinn or what do you think of him in general? Great thread btw.
BigDiggerNick [27|Jan 01:36 PM]:   You know I wonder if there are any soap bars made from jews still around

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Colin Quinn is a competent workhorse but he doesn't make me laugh. Like he's not BAD, per se, obviously he's got chops, but the most he's ever gotten out of me is a grin. His recent one man show "Long Story Short" is clever and well researched but again, doesn't make me laugh.

You have to give him props for stepping into Weekend Update after Norm left. That had to take balls. He didn't do a good job following Norm, but who the hell would?!

http://rutube.ru/video/830be54cd09fcfa5fdf865fc8c7dbc73/

Watching Norm in his prime telling jokes like this is like watching a knockout reel from Tyson in his prime. Its just brutally hard hit one after another.

Another thing you gotta respect Quinn for is Tough Crowd. How the hell he managed to get a realtalk show like that on the air, sneaking past the jews at the CC HQ, I have no idea. He helped launch Giraldo (rip) and DiPaolo, and Patrice. That show was amazing, so of course they had to cancel it once it started getting attention.

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Thanks. I met Quinn once, at a Bob Levy show and they were both really cool and hung out and drank with us like regular people.
 Can you write a little about hecklers? Like how do you handle them and what famous comics are best with them. I would imagine Jimmy Carr is on that list, I've seen vids of him shredding hecklers.
BigDiggerNick [27|Jan 01:36 PM]:   You know I wonder if there are any soap bars made from jews still around