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Author Topic: Funny Shit From The News  (Read 62232 times)

Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4400 on: May 19, 2017, 03:02:13 PM »
+5
http://nypost.com/2017/05/17/judge-to-decide-if-murder-suspect-can-show-penis-to-jury/


Lawyers in the murder trial of a Florida man who wants to show his penis to the jury went back and forth this week on whether he would need to be erect.

The trial for Richard Patterson, 65, of Margate began on Tuesday, but the judge has not ruled whether his genitals will be presented in the courtroom.

Patterson’s lawyers want to use his penis as evidence to argue that his girlfriend Francisca Marquinez, 60, choked to death while performing oral sex on him in 2015.

The prosecution reportedly doesn’t object, but argued at the trial that his penis must be erect, according to news station WPLG.

“Do we do it in the back? Do we do it in open court?” [New hit song by Bruno Mars -Ed.] assistant state attorney Peter Sapak asked. “How is the defendant going to be erect when the jury views it? Because a flaccid penis, whether it be a picture or the jury actually seeing it, is completely irrelevant. It needs to be erect.”

Defense attorney Ken Padowitz slammed the prosecution’s argument, saying the court should hear from a medical expert about the logistics. Padowitz wants to call former Broward County medical examiner Ronald Wright as a witness to testify that Marquinez’s death “is consistent with being accidentally sexually asphyxiated during oral sex.”

“He’s telling the court, as if he’s a medical expert in his argument, that it matters whether the penis is erect or not,” Padowitz said. “But he’s merely speculating here since he’s never asked that question to Dr. Wright in definition, and he doesn’t, obviously, know, actually, what the expert opinion is what is needed or not needed in order for a human being to choke.”

Patterson faces second-degree murder charges and if convicted, could be sentenced to life in prison.
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Backpfeifengesicht

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4401 on: May 19, 2017, 03:05:43 PM »
+4
Honestly I want to know how it came down to that. If your dick is massive enough to choke a woman out, how do you keep it in her windpipe long enough for her to die? Does the jury need to see if his penis is long enough for him to perform the Heimlich Maneuver while still inserted in her throat? I have so many questions.

Whig Historian

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4402 on: May 19, 2017, 03:16:40 PM »
+5
Inquiring minds don't want to know.

Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4403 on: May 19, 2017, 03:24:59 PM »
+4
We need the law firm of Rocket Backpfeifengesicht Whig and Lurker on this case.

Fuck King and Spalding, K&L Gates, Jones Day and all those wannabes.
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brolonium

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4404 on: May 19, 2017, 07:00:43 PM »
+7
Rocket, there are other, less embarassing ways to satisfy your thirst for cock.

Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4405 on: May 19, 2017, 08:10:52 PM »
+2
I kinda doubt it.
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J Dog

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4406 on: May 19, 2017, 09:10:41 PM »
+1
http://www.businessinsider.com/james-comey-white-house-curtains-trump-2017-5

Retarded reporters believe everything they're told.

professional lurker

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4407 on: May 19, 2017, 10:58:29 PM »
0
http://nypost.com/2017/05/17/judge-to-decide-if-murder-suspect-can-show-penis-to-jury/


Lawyers in the murder trial of a Florida man who wants to show his penis to the jury went back and forth this week on whether he would need to be erect.

The trial for Richard Patterson, 65, of Margate began on Tuesday, but the judge has not ruled whether his genitals will be presented in the courtroom.

Patterson’s lawyers want to use his penis as evidence to argue that his girlfriend Francisca Marquinez, 60, choked to death while performing oral sex on him in 2015.

The prosecution reportedly doesn’t object, but argued at the trial that his penis must be erect, according to news station WPLG.

“Do we do it in the back? Do we do it in open court?” [New hit song by Bruno Mars -Ed.] assistant state attorney Peter Sapak asked. “How is the defendant going to be erect when the jury views it? Because a flaccid penis, whether it be a picture or the jury actually seeing it, is completely irrelevant. It needs to be erect.”

Defense attorney Ken Padowitz slammed the prosecution’s argument, saying the court should hear from a medical expert about the logistics. Padowitz wants to call former Broward County medical examiner Ronald Wright as a witness to testify that Marquinez’s death “is consistent with being accidentally sexually asphyxiated during oral sex.”

“He’s telling the court, as if he’s a medical expert in his argument, that it matters whether the penis is erect or not,” Padowitz said. “But he’s merely speculating here since he’s never asked that question to Dr. Wright in definition, and he doesn’t, obviously, know, actually, what the expert opinion is what is needed or not needed in order for a human being to choke.”

Patterson faces second-degree murder charges and if convicted, could be sentenced to life in prison.

Hmm... I'll allow it... But you better tie this up quickly, counselor!
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Rocket

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Yes, that is me on my Rocket Cycle with my enormous penis.


Morty Doom

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4409 on: May 22, 2017, 11:28:11 PM »
0

Ass Diamond

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4410 on: May 22, 2017, 11:44:37 PM »
+1
http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/12/overjoyed-transgender-man-successfully-uses-bionic-penis-to-lose-his-virginity-6632606/

Vomit

Yeah, seems in these situations 2 taps to the dome and tossing what remains into dumpsters is the lord's good work for the betterment of mankind