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Author Topic: Funny Shit From The News  (Read 157912 times)

Rocket

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4875 on: January 19, 2018, 03:08:50 PM »
+5
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alfRDPQY2YM" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alfRDPQY2YM</a>

this guy must be having some kind of mental break, the way he moves is not natural at all
His speech patterns are quite aberrant as well. And what's with looking into his cell phone while he talks? That dude has lost it. Islam is a religion for crazy people.

"Keep it secret. Keep it safe." is from Lord of the Rings, but it's the misquote from the movie. That's not how it's written in the book.
Yes, that is me in court with my enormous penis.


Obese-N-Wiggered

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4876 on: January 19, 2018, 06:28:38 PM »
+11
The largest part of most retail operations are labor costs. San Fran just told all the small businesses - ha ha, go screw yourselves and pay your idiot workers $15/hr. The result?

https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Struggling-SF-Kink-Cafe-Turns-to-Crowdsourcing-to-Stay-Open-470072813.html

Smaller businesses are closing up shop because they can't afford to pay for all the commies and gibs machines that voted this garbage in.

July, 2015
https://www.forbes.com/sites/timworstall/2015/07/07/we-are-seeing-the-effects-of-the-minimum-wage-rise-in-san-francisco/#1f0ddcc33013

April, 2017
https://www.forbes.com/sites/timworstall/2017/04/19/news-just-in-the-san-francisco-minimum-wage-kills-restaurants-and-thus-restaurant-jobs/#530f33cd3a16



WHY CAN'T MY FAVORITE BONDAGE GEAR AND COFFEE PURVEYOR AFFORD TO BE IN BUSINESS? WHERE WILL WE GO FOR OUR KINKY COFFEE??? 
 :myecred:

I hope other municipalities take notice and kill these minimum wage bills whenever they see them.

Pizza Cancellation Specialist

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4877 on: January 19, 2018, 06:49:15 PM »
+21
These fucking idiots think every single solitary business owner is swimming in money and profit and golly they just want a fair share! You know, because they've literally never built a business of their own and they think money just appears magically. Fuck SF.
I have a pet conspiracy theory about Lil Yachty. The Jews made him famous to put all the marginally talented blacks like Jay-Z and whomever on notice that their fame and fortune has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with any talent they might have. Jewish producers can take the most retarded nigger they can find, a guy so dumb he can't even write his own name, hook him up to autotone, and make him a star. They don't need Jay-Z; Jay-Z needs them.

Dem Wypipo

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4878 on: January 19, 2018, 07:38:10 PM »
+16
Reminds me of the Portland anarchist sandwich shop that got shut down because it took upwards of 45 minutes for them to make a sandwich for someone

Slacktivist

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4879 on: January 19, 2018, 08:11:44 PM »
+11
They call it an adult coffee shop, a kink coffee shop, you sell bondage equipment and you're telling me the staff is just some emo/goth kid? I think in the spirit of honesty you can't just set up a home depo display and call it a bondage hot spot. Nut up and shackle a girl to the register for her shift! Make her take orders by nodding because of the ball gag! Sheesh, some businesses really do deserve to fail!

Whig Historian

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4880 on: January 19, 2018, 08:22:11 PM »
+7
They call it an adult coffee shop, a kink coffee shop, you sell bondage equipment and you're telling me the staff is just some emo/goth kid? I think in the spirit of honesty you can't just set up a home depo display and call it a bondage hot spot. Nut up and shackle a girl to the register for her shift! Make her take orders by nodding because of the ball gag! Sheesh, some businesses really do deserve to fail!
OSHA is the death of many business models.

Dog-O-Tron 5000v4.0

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4881 on: January 21, 2018, 06:54:12 PM »
+6
Emotional Support Chickens are now BANNED from flying the friendly skies. :parsons:

https://www.sfgate.com/chris-mcginnis/article/Delta-cracks-down-on-emotional-support-12513453.php

Quote
Delta Air Lines is now cracking down on emotional support and service animals, citing “a lack of regulation that has led to serious safety risks involving untrained animals in flight.”  The airline said it carries about 700 service or emotional support animals every day, and since 2016 it has seen an 84 percent jump in “animal incidents,” including “urination/defecation, biting, and even a widely reported attack by a 70-pound dog” that bit a passenger in the face.

The airline notes that the emotional support needs of some passengers for animal companionship can be pretty far out there. “Customers have attempted to fly with comfort turkeys, gliding possums known as sugar gliders, snakes, spiders and more,” Delta said.

So starting March 1, Delta will impose new rules on in-cabin service and emotional support animals. They’ll still fly for free in accordance with federal law, but owners will be required to show proof of health or vaccinations 48 hours in advance of their flight.

“In addition to the current requirement of a letter prepared and signed by a doctor or licensed mental health professional, those with psychiatric service animals and emotional support animals will also need to provide a signed document confirming that their animal can behave,” the airline said. The rules don’t apply to small animals kept in a kennel under the seat.

Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4882 on: January 21, 2018, 07:49:58 PM »
+5
Comfort turkeys  :lolno:

Procrustes

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4883 on: January 21, 2018, 09:10:24 PM »
+6
“Excuse me stewardess but did you just assume my emotional support spiders gender!?!?!?”

MY FURSONOUNS

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4884 on: January 21, 2018, 09:18:48 PM »
+13
Comfort turkeys  :lolno:

one part southern comfort 100
two parts wild turkey 101
garnish with laughing at your seatmate's sugar glider as it shits and pisses all over the plane
Quote from: Aleph Null
Four months on hormones and I swear that my crotch sweat smells different.

Pizza Cancellation Specialist

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4885 on: January 21, 2018, 09:29:31 PM »
+9
Its called comfort booze you fucking retards. Ugh.
I have a pet conspiracy theory about Lil Yachty. The Jews made him famous to put all the marginally talented blacks like Jay-Z and whomever on notice that their fame and fortune has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with any talent they might have. Jewish producers can take the most retarded nigger they can find, a guy so dumb he can't even write his own name, hook him up to autotone, and make him a star. They don't need Jay-Z; Jay-Z needs them.

Backpfeifengesicht

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4886 on: January 21, 2018, 10:06:55 PM »
+5
Bring back comfort women.
Quote from: George Lincoln Rockwell
The Conservatives have a slogan which I think is despicable and defeatist: "It's better to be dead than red." And the Commies and Liberals have a slogan which is even worse, it's treason, they say: "It's better to be red than dead." We say this: "You don't have to be Red and you don't have to be Dead. Not dead. Not Red. Dead Reds"


Virtue Signalman First Class

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4887 on: January 22, 2018, 02:00:40 AM »
+5
Comfort turkeys  :lolno:

The only comforting turkey should come in the form of a sandwich.
But I do often point out that I write both science fiction and fantasy. It’s just that the science fiction is usually titled ‘technical proposal’ and the fantasy is titled ‘budget proposal.’

- Jordin Kare

Invader Xim/Xie/Xir

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4888 on: January 22, 2018, 03:02:19 AM »
+3
The largest part of most retail operations are labor costs. San Fran just told all the small businesses - ha ha, go screw yourselves and pay your idiot workers $15/hr. The result?

hey let's check out how $15/hr min wage has worked out for seattle!!

https://www.seattletimes.com/business/amazon/amazon-go-cashierless-convenience-store-opening-to-the-public/
kill
yourself
wow

jews fear the gargoyle

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4889 on: January 25, 2018, 08:56:06 AM »
+5
The largest part of most retail operations are labor costs. San Fran just told all the small businesses - ha ha, go screw yourselves and pay your idiot workers $15/hr. The result?

hey let's check out how $15/hr min wage has worked out for seattle!!

https://www.seattletimes.com/business/amazon/amazon-go-cashierless-convenience-store-opening-to-the-public/

it seems like the push for higher wages is a psyop to get businesses to go automated since it will be cheaper to do so after 15 dollar wages
please delete this

InsideOutside

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4890 on: January 30, 2018, 02:34:29 PM »
+10
We now return to India where:

https://www.afp.com/en/news/826/indian-man-killed-after-being-sucked-mri-machine-doc-y778h1

Indian man killed after being sucked into MRI machine
Quote

An Indian man died after being sucked into an MRI machine while visiting a relative at a hospital in Mumbai, police said Monday.

Rajesh Maru, 32, was yanked towards the machine by its magnetic force after he entered the room carrying an oxygen cylinder, the city's police said in a statement.

Police said preliminary reports suggested that the man had died from inhaling liquid oxygen that leaked from the cylinder. :stare:

It is thought the cylinder was damaged after hitting the machine.

The victim's uncle said Maru had been asked to carry the cylinder by the junior staff member who assured him the machine was switched off.

"The ward boy who was supposed to prevent such incidents told my family members to go inside when the machine was turned on. We are shocked and devastated," Jitendra Maru told AFP.

The state government of Maharashtra, of which Mumbai is the capital, announced compensation of 500,000 rupees ($7,870) for the victim's family.

Pajeet my son, you are in hospital now and must choose - electromagnetic imaging or ignore warning signs about metal

#Superpower2030

Aran

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4891 on: January 30, 2018, 02:43:05 PM »
+13
Wait, I can kill a Pajeet for $8k? That's a way better investment than buying SomethingAwful

Procrustes

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4892 on: January 30, 2018, 10:47:53 PM »
+6
I’ve read like 10 stories about this incident and they all make it sound like he got sucked in my the magnets and torn to pieces by it or something. The truth is the kid got killed by a broken o2 cylinder.

Also by fucking street shitter ignorance.

Dog-O-Tron 5000v4.0

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4893 on: January 30, 2018, 11:55:14 PM »
+6

Rocket

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Yes, that is me in court with my enormous penis.


Rob Halford's Scrotal Sack

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4895 on: January 31, 2018, 12:12:32 PM »
+9
A regular emotional support cock would have been much easier to handle. :obama:

Autism Therapy Chicken

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4896 on: January 31, 2018, 03:12:19 PM »
+6
Emotional Support Chickens are now BANNED from flying the friendly skies. :parsons:

This is an outrage.  We have every right to work!  :librage:  Therapy Animal Union now!

http://www.foxnews.com/travel/2018/01/30/woman-denied-emotional-support-peacock-on-united-flight.html

Peacocks are such flaming queens.  You know he only makes himself up like that because he spits some poor-ass Game at women.

"Hey bb.  Your hair is great - it almost looks real!  Ha ha ha!" (Shits on carpet)

Virtue Signalman First Class

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4897 on: January 31, 2018, 03:55:16 PM »
+4
We stayed in a small countryside place in Italy where you had breakfast in the garden and a group of peacocks were just roaming about, looking magnificent. It was pretty cool.
But I do often point out that I write both science fiction and fantasy. It’s just that the science fiction is usually titled ‘technical proposal’ and the fantasy is titled ‘budget proposal.’

- Jordin Kare

POST FRANK

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4898 on: February 01, 2018, 03:16:18 AM »
+17
https://www.washingtonpost.com/classic-apps/brigette-adams-became-the-poster-child-for-freezing-your-eggs-but-things-didnt-quite-work-out-how-she-imagined/2018/01/27/ff55857a-e667-11e7-833f-155031558ff4_story.html?utm_term=.9f9fd8b6e1ef

Quote
She championed the idea that freezing your eggs would free your career. But things didn’t quite work out.

In early 2017, with her 45th birthday looming and no sign of Mr. Right, she decided to start a family on her own. She excitedly unfroze the 11 eggs she had stored and selected a sperm donor.

Two eggs failed to survive the thawing process. Three more failed to fertilize. That left six embryos, of which five appeared to be abnormal. The last one was implanted in her uterus. On the morning of March 7, she got the devastating news that it, too, had failed.

Adams was not pregnant, and her chances of carrying her genetic child had just dropped to near zero. She remembers screaming like “a wild animal,” throwing books, papers, her laptop — and collapsing to the ground.

“It was one of the worst days of my life. There were so many emotions. I was sad. I was angry. I was ashamed,” she said. “I questioned, ‘Why me?’ ‘What did I do wrong?’ ”

the absolute state of feminism

:tom::tom::tom:

Virtue Signalman First Class

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4899 on: February 01, 2018, 05:02:42 AM »
+12
"I know, I will put off finding a husband and having children in my first half of 20s when I'm most healthy and fertile, because there is a process that is dangerous and unproven that might allow me to still have children in my second half of 40s."

Women for whom having children comes after work - and please note I said work and not a career - in the list of priorities, shouldn't have children at all.
But I do often point out that I write both science fiction and fantasy. It’s just that the science fiction is usually titled ‘technical proposal’ and the fantasy is titled ‘budget proposal.’

- Jordin Kare