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Author Topic: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT  (Read 6210 times)

Franzo

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #50 on: September 20, 2017, 05:16:35 AM »
+2
Yes, if the world gives you too many FEEEEEELS, the answer is clearly to self-medicate.

 :facepalm:

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #51 on: September 21, 2017, 02:42:50 AM »
+6
Now hold up. I know I'm a degenerate,loser junkie but I'm not talking about self medicating. My propranolol script is legit. I get it for migraines and the anxiety stuff is an added bonus.

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #52 on: September 21, 2017, 03:00:10 PM »
+12

 :allears:



Quote from:  deadly_pudding
It's your deadly_pudding drama update.

Tonight I'm going to tell my woman-child ex girlfriend that she needs to clean up after herself in the shared spaces of the apartment. I busted my ass to clean up that whole zone, and now there are features such as:

Her clean(???) laundry basket that's been sitting by the couch for 2 weeks

Her socks just kind of strewn wherever

Like weeks worth of paper trash (mostly) that I haven't thrown away myself because it's all her mail and I don't feel like leafing through it all to see what's important. The padded envelope that her textbook came in a month ago is still sitting on the floor where she left it

Just a bunch of clothes and random objects covering one of the couches completely, because she puts something down on a nearby convenient surface, and it lives there now. See also the time I had to move two of her purses off of the kitchen table so I would have room to prep something.

Also she tends to cook a meal sometime between when I leave the house and when she leaves the house, which I then have to clean up after if I want to cook a meal later. She also occasionally emerges from her room with like a few days worth of dishes and just puts them wherever. Occasionally she *does* do dishes, and proceeds to really lord it over me like it's a big achievement, but she needs to do it like, constantly instead. Doing 2 peoples' worth of dishes that comes in occasional waves of like 3 days worth of one person's dishes fucking sucks. It's demoralizing coming home to a pile of dishes in the sink that was empty when I left.

Anyway, she'll get really defensive about the whole topic, so that will be fun. Slob and narcissist is a real doozy of a character trait combo, and I can't really think of a way to say "You need to pick up your garbage that you leave all over the floor in the room where I have to sleep" that's not fundamentally a personal attack on somebody's character.

 :allears:
Quote from:  deadly_pudding
Clean up talk went worse than I could have possibly imagined

She dropped a class today because the professor apparently somehow robbed her of 25 minutes during an exam by being a doddering old man? Anyway, I had to roll up to her while she was already crying in the kitchen and say "I know you're upset, but I have to talk to you about some household issues."

So I'm pretty sure she didn't listen at all, and I'll have to bug her again about her clutter later. Or just escalate and stuff all her miscellaneous garbage into that abandoned load of laundry and shove it up against her door.

edit: this is also one of the ways I concluded that she's some kind of pathological narcissist. There's always some kind of massive disaster with her every time she's around other people, where *somebody else* was so horrible that she can't possibly ever work with them again. This includes every job she's ever had, at least one classmate or professor per semester, and my former roommate and now ex best-friend (), because I was dumb enough to choose my horrible girlfriend's side.

There's a saying that goes, "If everybody you know is an asshole, then you are probably actually the asshole."

There's also a saying that goes "deadly_pudding, you are a spineless pussy"



Quote from:  deadly_pudding
Somfin posted:

    Get yer friend back if that bridge hasn't burnt all the way through.



It's thoroughly burnt, I let my ex treat her like complete dogshit, and she called it in advance. We did *not* part on good terms. I recall her mom threatened to sue me while she was moving out , because that was also the beginning of my ex using me as her "enforcer". She never takes care of her problems herself. I always had to be the one to talk to the landlord, even for like the dumbest shit like "the maintenance guy double parked behind our car". The landlord called me out on it shortly before the breakup like, "Did she ask him to move? You need to stop enabling her." I'm the one who got in trouble on the occasions where she finally said something shitty enough to get our extremely stoic friend mad enough to retort, for not defending her. She has no sense of responsibility, basically, and relies on trusting patsies like me to take responsibility for her. She's pond scum.

So anyway, I was the one who had to pressure my friend to stick to her timeline of moving out, and I was the one who had to pressure her to hand over her key when she was done moving all her stuff out of the apartment, because I was presented with the ultimatum of "being against" my girlfriend when I tried to get them to just fucking talk to each other. I was also the one who didn't say anything when my ex peed on her couch out of spite. It was all thoroughly shameful, and if I could go back in time and kick my own ass I definitely would. I was so caught up in what I thought was my responsbility to try and be a good boyfriend, that I normalized a lot of completely fucked up things.

edit for clarity:
Like she would call me at work and tell me to call the landlord, instead of just talking to another human.


Quote from:  deadly_pudding
I'm 31, and I would definitely feel weird about dating anybody younger than like 25. It would take some kind of *herculean* bedroom effort to get me over the psychological hurdle of going out with somebody who isn't old enough to drink yet (21 in the US, in case I need to clarify), because that's like a baby.

Uh, "luckily" I'm a fat beardo who goes to bed at 9:00 sometimes even on weekends, which means no sane human younger than 30 is interested in me
People the same age as me understand about having a bedtime
.



 
Update on ChickenofTomorow. The person who had a friend touch her during some communist meeting or whatever. She keeps going back to edit her posts-

Quote from: ChickenofTomorow
the other day the mediator contacted me to offer resources and talk about alternatives to mediation for that thing that my former friend did - which was one part of a series of things that WE did, the rest of which were consensual (not that this makes the thing any less non-consensual).

there are lots of options and I am considering almost all of them, except for pretending he did nothing wrong. but I'm pushing the decision off a little bit until the sever has worked more of its magic and I've processed more.

I won't use this as an excuse to see him so those grooves in my brain can get a hit of dopamine. at least I'm sort of mostly past the "having all my emotions in public" stage and can reach out to friends and resources more privately.

lol

Quote from: ChickenofTomorow
hey I know I have no right to ask this but could you edit out the quoted parts of my posts? I would appreciate it.



Now hold up. I know I'm a degenerate,loser junkie but I'm not talking about self medicating. My propranolol script is legit. I get it for migraines and the anxiety stuff is an added bonus.

YAS you are a good person :nixon:


Obese and Triggered

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #53 on: September 21, 2017, 09:30:44 PM »
+8
Quote
I was also the one who didn't say anything when my ex peed on her couch out of spite.

Hahahahah goon drama is the best drama. These poor fuckers are so damn *broken*. 

:trumppence:

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #54 on: September 22, 2017, 12:11:50 AM »
+5
I watched a drunk friend piss on his own couch once. He was seriously intoxicated.  We all were but this dude was “pour beer in your breakfast sandwich to give it flavor”drunk.

The guy was a phantom pisser. He’d get shitty and piss in weird places in the middle of the night. The trash can, the counter tops, once he pissed on a guy who was peacefully sleeping in his bed.

I have never laughed so hard in my life. It was just the most amazing thing and he had no recolllection of any of it.

Procrustes

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #55 on: September 22, 2017, 12:13:47 AM »
+7
Oh yeah and pissing on someone’s furniture out of spite is something a shit headed cat would do, a person who thinks it’s okY to spray piss on someone’s stuff is insane and should be euthanized

Boy With Wings

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #56 on: September 22, 2017, 12:47:39 AM »
0
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZVqe3kDbcA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZVqe3kDbcA</a>

Offical theme for the goons posted here

One fly brotherfucker

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #57 on: September 22, 2017, 01:07:05 AM »
+2
Yes, if the world gives you too many FEEEEEELS, the answer is clearly to self-medicate.

 :facepalm:

I meant actually go to a doctor and get a legitimate prescription for something. You know goons aren't going to actually work on self improvement, so the least they can do is take some chill pills to stop *literally shaking* and make it through the workday.

That's not self medicating. Self medicating is when I make my own homemade adderall. If goons can't man up, getting a scrip for their rampant anxiety issues would help more than hurt.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2017, 01:11:38 AM by One fly brotherfucker »

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #58 on: September 22, 2017, 07:38:33 AM »
+10
The more I read this thread the more ashamed I am that I was ever a member of SA. What a collection of horrible, fundamentally broken people.
Yes, that is me on my Rocket Cycle with my enormous penis.


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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #59 on: September 22, 2017, 08:40:23 AM »
+7
He sleeps on an inflatable mattress in the living room of the apartment he pays for while his ex sleeps in a pullout bed, in the bedroom of the apartment she does not pay for.

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #60 on: September 22, 2017, 01:03:37 PM »
+5
The more I read this thread the more ashamed I am that I was ever a member of SA. What a collection of horrible, fundamentally broken people.

You have no idea, no concept of how deep that rabbit hole goes. You could assemble the worst dregs of society: the rapists, the child molesters, the complete and utter shitbags parading around in flesh suits resembling human beings, and yet there still would be the Goons separating them from the bottom

One fly brotherfucker

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #61 on: September 25, 2017, 12:03:22 AM »
+3
The more I read this thread the more ashamed I am that I was ever a member of SA. What a collection of horrible, fundamentally broken people.

You have no idea, no concept of how deep that rabbit hole goes. You could assemble the worst dregs of society: the rapists, the child molesters, the complete and utter shitbags parading around in flesh suits resembling human beings, and yet there still would be the Goons separating them from the bottom

Seriously. I've seen a lot of shit people and a lot of shit communities to the point where I'm surprised by nothing and seeing something like a picture of an obese black woman putting out cigarettes on her own poon just garners a "meh" reaction from me. But goons just fascinate me. Goons still manage to surprise me. SA can still find raw, untouched nerves of disgust in me I didn't know I had. SA would make a good psychological case study in groupthink, folie a deux, mass hysteria, and somehow finding a way to make narcissistic personality disorder, troonism and autism contagious.

Procrustes

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #62 on: September 25, 2017, 12:11:31 AM »
+14
The more I read this thread the more ashamed I am that I was ever a member of SA. What a collection of horrible, fundamentally broken people.

You have no idea, no concept of how deep that rabbit hole goes. You could assemble the worst dregs of society: the rapists, the child molesters, the complete and utter shitbags parading around in flesh suits resembling human beings, and yet there still would be the Goons separating them from the bottom

Seriously. I've seen a lot of shit people and a lot of shit communities to the point where I'm surprised by nothing and seeing something like a picture of an obese black woman putting out cigarettes on her own poon just garners a "meh" reaction from me. But goons just fascinate me. Goons still manage to surprise me. SA can still find raw, untouched nerves of disgust in me I didn't know I had. SA would make a good psychological case study in groupthink, folie a deux, mass hysteria, and somehow finding a way to make narcissistic personality disorder, troonism and autism contagious.

And that’s just you and schmorky. Imagine what the rest of the SA goons are into/suffering from

One fly brotherfucker

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #63 on: September 25, 2017, 12:20:56 AM »
+2
 
The more I read this thread the more ashamed I am that I was ever a member of SA. What a collection of horrible, fundamentally broken people.

You have no idea, no concept of how deep that rabbit hole goes. You could assemble the worst dregs of society: the rapists, the child molesters, the complete and utter shitbags parading around in flesh suits resembling human beings, and yet there still would be the Goons separating them from the bottom

Seriously. I've seen a lot of shit people and a lot of shit communities to the point where I'm surprised by nothing and seeing something like a picture of an obese black woman putting out cigarettes on her own poon just garners a "meh" reaction from me. But goons just fascinate me. Goons still manage to surprise me. SA can still find raw, untouched nerves of disgust in me I didn't know I had. SA would make a good psychological case study in groupthink, folie a deux, mass hysteria, and somehow finding a way to make narcissistic personality disorder, troonism and autism contagious.

And that’s just you and schmorky. Imagine what the rest of the SA goons are into/suffering from

 :reagan: :mott:
« Last Edit: September 25, 2017, 12:29:22 AM by One fly brotherfucker »

reactionary

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #64 on: September 26, 2017, 04:31:42 AM »
+2
Quote from: deadly_pudding
I'm gonna strive to move while she's at class so I'm not there for the shitfit when she remembers that the router and cable modem are both mine

The important things
god > man > horse > woman > dog

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #65 on: September 26, 2017, 02:08:52 PM »
+7
deadly_pudding finally found his spine and balls

Quote from: deadly_pudding
YALL IT'S A BREAKUP THREAD MIRACLE

My landlord gave me an out. I can move into another unit in a different neighborhood on Sunday, and just start paying rent there instead. She said she wants to keep me as a tenant, and will recommend to the court that I not be held liable for the old place's rent when she processes my ex. But, since I'm functionally moving for free, my budget can actually survive that eventuality if the court does decide I'm liable.

I should maybe sleep somewhere else tonight, because the ex is having a full-scale meltdown, according to my landlord who just spoke to her.


Then he drops this bomb in the thread  :stonk: :stare:

Quote from: deadly_pudding
My childhood home burned down in a murder/arson, and I've spent my adult life living like some kind of incredibly shitty, tech-obsessed monk. Most of the furniture is my ex's, most of the electronics are mine. I have a bed, a desk, a chair, 2 sets of those stackable plastic storage drawers, and a coffee table that I got for free when it clearly wasn't going to fit in some rando's car while he packed to move out of his college dorm, and the rest is all electronics, board games, and some kinda shitty housewares that I'm fully okay with abandoning and replacing with much more aesthetic ones.


e: oh yeah, but I will get my birth certificate and vehicle title out of there instantly.
ee: and checkbook



He claims his life story was one that aired on Homicide Hunter.  He has no proof other than mentioning details that were shown on the episode. He claims his dad murdering his mom then abandoning him at the age of 9 didn't mess him up too badly.

Quote from: deadly_pudding back in May of 2015
So, I googled myself today. First, some backstory:
When I was like 9, my dad, who has the same name as me, shot my mom and torched the house I didn't know that up front, though. He put me in the van with some loud music and a delicious orange soda and the dog while he did the deed. Then, while he drove me (and the dog) to a police station the next city over, he coached me with a backstory about how assassins from the government were after his life. Mom would be safe at home with her can of mace

I was a dumb little kid and had seen at least one episode of x-files, so I believed him.

Anyway, so I googled myself today and learned that there's an episode of Investigative Discovery's Homicide Hunters about that case. So, tonight my girlfriend and I are gonna order pizza and watch said episode, and see if I won the child reenactment actor lottery. Also probably I will learn various grisly details that were kept secret from me by my family, as I was never called to testify.


The episode can be viewed for a nominal fee on youtube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_usip3I2GNU

So feel free to check it out and learn way too much about my past!
 


The thread was locked after 2 pages with no proof that was really him.  The Spy Who Killed Me is the name of the episode.

Pleasant Rectal Itch

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #66 on: September 29, 2017, 06:42:36 PM »
+6
Quote from: ChickenOfTomorrow
The mediation/transformative justice place is offering me "conflict coaching" before moving on in the transformative justice process. I don't know what this means. Are they expecting conflict? Has something happened? Has he said something that would make them expect it? I'm so confused.

I'm maintaining the sever and the urge to torture myself by snooping on him is so low that I can't even imagine myself opening a browser window and going to twitter.

my current interpersonal communication skills consist of yelling "sure, but the thing is, i DESERVE to be in this well" so this will be a learning experience



 :goonette:  :tuss:  :goonette:= Bitch be crazy
Quote from: ChickenOfTomorrow
dammit i cant believe he hasnt tried to contact me yet. am i not fascinating, unforgettable, someone ya couldn't live without?
i maintain the sever

Ex-friend does a bad touch on her so now she want to stalk his social media pages, drags other people into the drama and wonders why he won't contact her.



Quote from: ass cobra
Two weeks out from being btfo of a four year relationship I'm still breaking every rule in the op. The rules in the op are probably smart because this is incredibly dumb and painful. This thread has still been great help though.

One day later

Quote from: ass cobra
This breakup is fucking with my head. I'm normally a pretty boring and rational guy but I was drunk from the moment I got up at 6 am yesterday and spent a considerable amount of time trying to get some cocaine even though I've only ever done it like two times and didn't enjoy it. Luckily I didn't score and didnt contact her, the anxiety had been bad enough today. I'm hitting the gym tomorrow, promise.


Quote from: ass cobra
50% circular endless stupid thoughts about what happened and what could have been
10% checking her instagram activity
10% interpreting her instagram activity
5% updating snapchat
5% making """funny""" snapchat stories for her to notice
15% feeling angry she didn't say anything about your funny Snapchat story
5% rational thoughts

We'll meet to sign over the mortgage next week, and I'll finally enact the sever then, but I feel like the ratio of rational thought will stay the same and I'll just social media stalk her somehow anyway
   

Quote from: ass cobra
Signed the last mortgage papers, talked some things through and had goodbye sex this week, and now I've finally done the social media block.

I'm still hopelessly in love with her and can't see that ending anytime soon, but she lives in another country
so I won't run into her all the time, and now I can't check her social media every five minutes. Right now at this very moment I'm feeling kind of good, all things considered.

Maybe it will even last all the way until I find out that she's moved on and found somebody else.
 





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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #67 on: September 30, 2017, 12:20:26 PM »
+3
4 year relationship + mortgage lol more like totally debilitating codependency

asip please thank you

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #68 on: September 30, 2017, 05:47:18 PM »
+1
I'm missing the part about why these idiots are in mediation

reactionary

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #69 on: October 03, 2017, 02:28:12 PM »
+13
Maggie Fletcher update, you might have missed this because it's in the online dating thread instead of the breakup one

She's dating a girl now, btw did I mention she likes SKYDIVING?

Quote
I had the best date on Friday night! I went over to my new friend's house for dinner, we talked for hours, I spent the night. I really wanted to go to breakfast with her in the morning, but my team was expecting me to show up for some skydives so I had to leave. (Ended up being the best decision, since today was too windy to jump.) But we've been texting a lot and making a ton of plans. She's going to join me for a female-friendly skydiving event (it's geared toward women jumpers, but she's interested in skydiving so I thought it'd be nice to bring her along so she can meet some of the people I jump with at a woman-focused event, even though she doesn't jump). I'm seeing her during the week too.

I'm starting to see where the "UHaul on the fifth date" joke is coming from. I just met her, and I'm walking around with the dopiest smile on my face thinking about her all the time. I really hope this works out. She's just so easy to be around, I feel like I've known her much longer than I have. Things just feel right, and it's nice to be honest about my sexuality--I've been closeted for a long time due to my own inhibitions but mostly because straight men make terrible jokes and propositions to bi women and I just didn't want to hear it. This feels so natural and honest, and she's just a cool woman to be around. Even if I weren't dating her I'd still want to be her friend. It helps that she's super attractive and nice and fun and kind and we have a lot in common.

I never thought much of The League, but since it introduced us, it has my endorsement.
god > man > horse > woman > dog

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #70 on: October 03, 2017, 07:27:01 PM »
+5
Haha, ofc she's realized she's now a lesbian

:tom:

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #71 on: October 03, 2017, 09:38:33 PM »
+10
Oh hey guys I met this girl like 3 mins ago but we’re like married now because she’s perfect and amazing and beautiful omg

ps sky diving sky diving sky diving


Watch for this bitch to be moaning about her new love in like 5 days the first time she gets told no on literally any issue at all.

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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #72 on: October 03, 2017, 11:13:36 PM »
+16
AKA the most transparent "rebound date to make ex jealous" of all time. The new "gf" never sky...dove (skydived?) so what does she do? Well obviously takes her right to the fucking skydiving place her sky-instructor-ex works at!

"Hey my ex goes to this particular place all the time and I am totally still stuck on him even though I pretend I'm super over it and totally prime dating material hence why they called me a town bicycle, so now I'm going to find another guy, no wait... a GIRL this time instead to show how kinky and fun I am and show him how much he is missing out!"
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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #73 on: October 04, 2017, 01:44:33 AM »
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Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?



A: A U-Haul.
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Re: Goon Amore: E/N Breakup Megathread. Free schadenfreude ITT
« Reply #74 on: October 04, 2017, 08:56:42 AM »
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Skydiving must be the new horseback riding