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Author Topic: Funny Shit From The News  (Read 184646 times)

Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5175 on: May 11, 2018, 04:32:20 PM »
+9
Let's not forget Chris Wallace reading from one of Hillary's speeches where she said

"My dream is a hemispheric common market, with open trade and open borders, sometime in the future with energy that's as green and sustainable as we can get it, powering growth and opportunity for every person in the hemisphere," Clinton reportedly said to investors in a paid speech she gave to Brazilian Banco Itau in 2013.

And she replied: "I was talking about energy. You know, we trade more energy with our neighbors than we trade with the rest of the world combined," she said. "And I do want us to have an electric grid, an energy system that crosses borders. I think that will be great benefit to us."

Then she said "You buy that, right? Right? RIGHT!?" and then she shook her head back and forth and laughed like a loon and the devil popped out of her ear.


Nah Im A White Guy

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5176 on: May 12, 2018, 05:43:01 PM »
+2
OC, my local news is wild today


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888 Didnt Read Shit

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5177 on: May 15, 2018, 07:35:49 AM »
+6
At this point some are convinced of time travel or divine intervention.
There were points during the election where I seriously wondered whether we were seeing the hand of God in action. Stuff like Hillary collapsing, the "this is a legitimate email" flub that led to the DNC hack, the overconfidence that led Team Hillary to not campaign in key states.

There is something undeniably amazing about how every time the press thinks they've FINALLY GOT DRUMPH it collapses before them. There's something about how he keeps bungling his way to success.

Divine intervention seems just as good an explanation as any.

Dem Wypipo

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5178 on: May 15, 2018, 07:54:44 AM »
+10
Kek still watches over us


The Watcher

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5179 on: May 15, 2018, 10:06:40 AM »
+6
His name was Harry Anderson

Dr. Hatchet-Wound

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5180 on: May 23, 2018, 10:35:19 AM »
+9
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/world/dozens-of-foreign-isis-brides-have-been-sentenced-to-death-in-iraq/news-story/ef8a7c838e7e0e8f02a7eae698bdbcb4

Dozens of foreign ISIS brides have been sentenced to death in Iraq

Quote
French citizen Djamila Boutoutao, 29, appeared in court last month and claimed: “I thought I had married a rapper. It was only when we arrived in Turkey for a week-long ‘holiday’ that I discovered my husband was a jihadist.”

Franzo

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5181 on: May 23, 2018, 10:44:50 AM »
+8
It's good that they specify "citizen" and not just french. Djamila Boutoutao lol.

The Watcher

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5182 on: May 23, 2018, 11:37:35 AM »
+4
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/world/dozens-of-foreign-isis-brides-have-been-sentenced-to-death-in-iraq/news-story/ef8a7c838e7e0e8f02a7eae698bdbcb4

Dozens of foreign ISIS brides have been sentenced to death in Iraq

Quote
French citizen Djamila Boutoutao, 29, appeared in court last month and claimed: “I thought I had married a rapper. It was only when we arrived in Turkey for a week-long ‘holiday’ that I discovered my husband was a jihadist.”
Reminds me of that guy who went hiking with his pregnant wife to Iraq(?) and got kidnapped tourchered, and raped. I forgot how that one turned out, oh well  :jesse:
His name was Harry Anderson

30 Year Old Scrotal Sack

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5183 on: May 23, 2018, 01:18:54 PM »
+16
Dozens of foreign ISIS brides have been sentenced to death in Iraq

AND NOTHING OF VALUE WILL BE LOST
"Baldur's Gate, now that was a good RPG. Yep."

Backpfeifengesicht

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5184 on: May 27, 2018, 01:50:07 PM »
+11
It's back!

Two Ebola patients who fled quarantine may have exposed dozens to virus

Quote
Health officials in Congo are anxious to contain the country's deadly Ebola outbreak — which has already spread to an urban area — before the situation gets any worse. But controlling the virus may have just gotten tougher.

On Thursday, a senior Doctors Without Borders aid worker said that two patients infected with Ebola who fled their hospital on Monday night potentially exposed dozens of more people to the virus.

In a briefing in Geneva, Jean-Clement Cabrol, a doctor who had just returned from Congo, said "the patients were in the active phase of the disease, vomiting" when their families removed them from the hospital, put them on motorcycles, and took them to a religious gathering of 50 people. Ebola is contagious through bodily fluids, and both patients, who were at an acute phase of the illness, died within hours.

Quote
Now comes the challenge of determining who the patients may have come into contact with once they left the hospital in the city of more than 1 million people. There have been 58 confirmed, probable  and suspected cases of Ebola — and 27 deaths — as of Tuesday. That number could dramatically increase if the disease were to spread widely in a major city.

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MY FURSONOUNS

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5185 on: May 29, 2018, 03:12:28 PM »
+6
hand to god, i thought valerie jarrett was just a burn victim, not black
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Brandlebrundt

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5186 on: June 21, 2018, 10:47:57 AM »
+8
Holy shit I thought it was fake but even Newsweek is reporting on it.

Quote
DONALD TRUMP THREW STARBURST CANDIES AT ANGELA MERKEL, SAID 'DON'T SAY I NEVER GIVE YOU ANYTHING'

During his controversial meeting with leaders of the G-7 less than two weeks ago, President Donald Trump allegedly threw two pieces of Starburst candies on the table in front of German Chancellor Angela Merkel, saying “Here, Angela. Don’t say I never give you anything.”

The exchange, described on CBS News by Eurasia Group President Ian Bremmer, sheds further light on the tense atmosphere depicted in the now famous photograph of the meeting, in which Trump appears with his arms crossed and a defiant scowl across his face.

The annual G-7 meeting—which brings together the leaders or representatives of the United States, Canada, Britain, France, Germany, Italy and Japan—was held in Canada from June 8-9. Trump had decided to arrive late and leave early, and he ultimately refused to sign the joint communiqué that the G-7 leaders sign each year. Merkel had called Trump’s decision “sobering and a little depressing,”  while French President Emmanuel Macron had also referred to “fits of anger” when describing the meeting. But Bremmer’s account demonstrates an even clearer picture of how terrible Trump’s relationship with Merkel and other U.S. allies is. 

“It was at this point, towards the end of the summit, that Chancellor Merkel of Germany and Prime Minister Trudeau of Canada got together with some of the allies and really wanted to press Trump directly to sign the communiqué, that talked about the commitment to a rules-based international order. Trump was sitting there with his arms crossed, clearly not liking the fact that they were ganging up on him. He eventually agreed and said OK he’ll sign it. And at that point, he stood up, put his hand in his pocket, his suit jacket pocket, and he took two Starburst candies out, threw them on the table and said to Merkel, ‘Here, Angela. Don’t say I never give you anything,’” Bremmer described to CBS.

blasting_asshole

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5187 on: June 21, 2018, 11:54:35 AM »
+4
joint communiqué

What is this and why should Trump have signed it?

If I could be so bold, I'm gonna go ahead and assume it's more song-and-dance "peace initiative" nonsense that lists a bunch of shit we aren't allowed to do and our president is supposed to agree to not do it, by signing whatever the fuck this shit is.

A "good boi" pledge, if you will. But please, correct my ignorance. Lemme know what's in it for us.

I can't help but feel like this has been a big re-occurring theme with the Trump administration. Not signing the usual feel-good, traditional whatever ~peace summit coalition agreement~ we're expected to sign where we agree to give things/rights away and get nothing in return. When Trump refuses to sign, every pozzed shithole country's leader and the pizza media get all furious at the morally reprehensible American businessman, despite the fact that countries like China, India, Vietnam, Russia and Cambodia have been refusing to sign the exact same noise since the mid 80s. On the flip-side, every past administration dating back to GHWB has signed and then eventually reneged or violated whatever agreement of the year, but nobody bats an eye for more than a few hours.


"In other news, UN officials are currently investigating a possible violation of the 1995 H-12 Vienna Sausage agreement signed by Bill Clinton. The investigation is expected to go nowhere and then eventually fizzle out. Officials say the way things are going, Clinton might as well have not bothered signing the agreement, but had he not signed it, the backlash would have been much worse than what he will receive for having signed and then violated said agreement. Back to you, Tom."
« Last Edit: June 21, 2018, 12:12:51 PM by blasting_asshole »

Dem Wypipo

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5188 on: June 21, 2018, 10:06:07 PM »
+5
joint communiqué

What is this and why should Trump have signed it?

Per the article, it was for a "rules-based international order".  I'm guessing it promised that the first world would continue to bend over for dead gay Syrians Hondurans and ((international financiers)).  Fuck that shit!

J Dog

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5189 on: June 22, 2018, 06:26:23 AM »
+15
Entertainment Weekly has a new profile picture for Pride Month.


Aran

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5190 on: June 22, 2018, 07:24:08 AM »
+9
Entertainment Weekly has a new profile picture for Pride Month.


Agreed

unprivsplain

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5191 on: July 04, 2018, 09:57:59 PM »
+9
ICE BAD THEY KIDNAP CHILDREN!

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz04lTmZU5I" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz04lTmZU5I</a>

Oh whoops

David Hedgehogstein

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5192 on: July 05, 2018, 12:11:28 AM »
+1
That would be great if it wasn't from Very Fake News


unprivsplain

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5193 on: July 05, 2018, 03:06:03 PM »
+2
The VFN is a stupid overlay.

David Hedgehogstein

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5194 on: July 06, 2018, 11:11:22 AM »
0
The VFN is a stupid overlay.
You read The Onion and believe it don't you?


Backpfeifengesicht

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5195 on: July 06, 2018, 11:23:28 AM »
+6
The VFN is a stupid overlay.
You read The Onion and believe it don't you?

Almost all that VFN account does is repost news reports and stuff like cell phone video that makes the left look like shitheads. They just put their overlay on it and add the dancing Trump to the end.
Quote from: George Lincoln Rockwell
The Conservatives have a slogan which I think is despicable and defeatist: "It's better to be dead than red." And the Commies and Liberals have a slogan which is even worse, it's treason, they say: "It's better to be red than dead." We say this: "You don't have to be Red and you don't have to be Dead. Not dead. Not Red. Dead Reds"


unprivsplain

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5196 on: July 06, 2018, 05:19:59 PM »
+4
The VFN is a stupid overlay.
You read The Onion and believe it don't you?

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yoFTG8hpEY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yoFTG8hpEY</a>

OZMA CURES HAM

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5197 on: July 06, 2018, 07:03:02 PM »
+4
The VFN is a stupid overlay.
You read The Onion and believe it don't you?

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yoFTG8hpEY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yoFTG8hpEY</a>
:goonette: ALL THOSE NOBLE SEXWORKERS, NOW UNEMPLOYED!!!

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5198 on: July 07, 2018, 03:57:47 AM »
+6
this is the most miami thing i have ever read

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article214386874.html

Quote
“I felt that the glitter on the seized cash was compelling evidence, but apparently the police department disagreed," said defense lawyer Faccidomo.
Trigger warning: the second video contains powerful audio of the man’s fragmented urine stream.

Obese-n-Triggered

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #5199 on: July 07, 2018, 11:48:06 AM »
+4
this is the most miami thing i have ever read

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article214386874.html

Quote
“I felt that the glitter on the seized cash was compelling evidence, but apparently the police department disagreed," said defense lawyer Faccidomo.

"The department said a Miami-Dade police dog, Roxie, alerted that the cash had been "in close proximity" to large amounts of narcotics."

The poor dog was reacting to all the fine bitches that had been in close proximity to that cash.