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Author Topic: D&D Funny Quotes Thread  (Read 914738 times)

The Watcher

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6250 on: March 27, 2018, 06:57:15 AM »
+3

Nigger those exist on Nick and Cartoon network which show children's shows 24/7.

Real Saturday morning Cartoons were on Channel 2,4,5,7,11, all basic channels. Those have been gone for eons.

Everything is on demand now anyways there are no more blocks. cartoon network also shot itself in the fucking face by loading up on so much crap only because they get tax write offs from it.

And yes I've seen those shows, they're terrible I agree.

I thought "saturday morning" was referring to the cheapness of plot and animation (possibly combined with insane restrictions from the business side)
This is what I meant.

In my experience as a librarian

This would be a good username lol.  What faggot thinks sorting books for a living gives them any insight into anything but being a boring loser

I would totally work in a library if it paid the same what I'm getting now. I love books and I hate people. Sounds like a dream job to be honest.

I’d still be at my first job as a lifeguard if it paid 5% less than what I make now as an engineer  :myecred:
It’s funny how having such a good time at your first job really screws up your perception of work.
His name was Harry Anderson

Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6251 on: March 27, 2018, 08:00:30 AM »
+8
I worked at a public library for several years. People think "Haha! You probably just read all day."

Actually you're working with degenerate idiots who want to search porn on the public computers, morons who want you to help them find a certain book, and who only remember it starts with "The" and it has a blue cover, homeless people in the bathrooms doing who knows what, dudes jerking off in the stacks, people who come in to steal, etc.


Virtue Signalman First Class

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6252 on: March 27, 2018, 09:13:56 AM »
+6
I worked at a public library for several years. People think "Haha! You probably just read all day."

Actually you're working with degenerate idiots who want to search porn on the public computers, morons who want you to help them find a certain book, and who only remember it starts with "The" and it has a blue cover, homeless people in the bathrooms doing who knows what, dudes jerking off in the stacks, people who come in to steal, etc.

Yeah on second thought I wouldn't want to work in a library.
But I do often point out that I write both science fiction and fantasy. It’s just that the science fiction is usually titled ‘technical proposal’ and the fantasy is titled ‘budget proposal.’

- Jordin Kare

Aran

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6253 on: March 27, 2018, 12:56:25 PM »
+4
Speaking of theft in a library

http://www.post-gazette.com/ae/books/2018/03/19/Carnegie-Library-rare-atlases-maps-books-Japanese-prints-stolen-Oliver-Room/stories/201803190007

Quote
Valuable atlases, maps, and large plate books that show the colorful breadth of Western civilization have been stolen from the rare books room of the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh in Oakland, right under the gaze of Andrew Carnegie’s portrait.

The theft of 314 items was discovered last April when an appraisal for insurance purposes began of the rare materials in the Oliver Room, library spokeswoman Suzanne Thinnes said. Deemed a crime scene, the room has been closed since April 3, 2017. Since that time, detectives from the Allegheny County District Attorney’s Office have been investigating the complex case.

“We’re very saddened by the breach of trust. This theft occurred over an extended period of time” by a knowledgeable individual or individuals, Ms. Thinnes said. She said the library could not provide an exact value of the missing materials.

Michael Vinson, a rare book dealer for 26 years, who reviewed a detailed list of the missing items, was more direct.

Bitter Weirdo

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6254 on: March 27, 2018, 01:45:13 PM »
+2
Speaking of theft in a library

http://www.post-gazette.com/ae/books/2018/03/19/Carnegie-Library-rare-atlases-maps-books-Japanese-prints-stolen-Oliver-Room/stories/201803190007

Quote
Valuable atlases, maps, and large plate books that show the colorful breadth of Western civilization have been stolen from the rare books room of the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh in Oakland, right under the gaze of Andrew Carnegie’s portrait.

The theft of 314 items was discovered last April when an appraisal for insurance purposes began of the rare materials in the Oliver Room, library spokeswoman Suzanne Thinnes said. Deemed a crime scene, the room has been closed since April 3, 2017. Since that time, detectives from the Allegheny County District Attorney’s Office have been investigating the complex case.

“We’re very saddened by the breach of trust. This theft occurred over an extended period of time” by a knowledgeable individual or individuals, Ms. Thinnes said. She said the library could not provide an exact value of the missing materials.

Michael Vinson, a rare book dealer for 26 years, who reviewed a detailed list of the missing items, was more direct.


Wow that sucks. I bet all that stuff is now housed in the private collection of some russian or mainland chinese scumbag.

anti-pibble machine

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6255 on: April 06, 2018, 03:02:07 AM »
+4
Try to catch everything wrong with this next series of posts.

Quote from: KillHour
I'm going to scream in here because I can't scream out loud. I'm on vacation in Mexico and my mother hired a woman and her son to come to our beach house and make and serve us dinner. Awkward as fuck. They made a comment about how nice the house is and how expensive it must be and that only rich people can afford to live on the coast here.

She has the nerve to tell them "Oh, we're not rich. We come from a modest background. If you work hard you can do it too!" I've never simultaneously wanted to run away from somebody and hit them before.


Quote from: Oxxidation
smack her

not kidding

strike your terrible mother

Quote from: Koalas March
I mean I am not one to advocate violence but this or sit her down and talk about how her behavior makes you feel.

asip

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6256 on: April 06, 2018, 03:24:33 AM »
+7
Someone taught KM how to read and write

J Dog

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6257 on: April 06, 2018, 06:24:04 AM »
+15
Mom, I wanted to sit you down and tell you how I feel about hiring Mexicans to come to our house and make us dinner..

You can't trust these people.  They're going to come back and rob the place while we're not here or while we are here and rape us as well.  Never let these fucking animals in our house.   Holy fucking shit mom, how stupid can you be?


The Watcher

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6258 on: April 06, 2018, 06:56:48 AM »
+2
Mom, I wanted to sit you down and tell you how I feel about hiring Mexicans to come to our house and make us dinner..

You can't trust these people.  They're going to come back and rob the place while we're not here or while we are here and rape us as well.  Never let these fucking animals in our house.   Holy fucking shit mom, how stupid can you be?
He is unironically not wrong about the bang maid possibily stealing from them.
His name was Harry Anderson

Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6259 on: April 06, 2018, 08:12:23 AM »
0
Should have hired illegal immigrants to do it.

But how awkward to go up to white people in Mexico and ask about their legal status. "Hi, we need someone to clean our house, but we only want it to be white people who don't have citizenship in this country. Can you do this? . ... DO YOU SPEAK SPANISH?  . .. . "

unprivsplain

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6260 on: April 06, 2018, 09:16:19 AM »
+2
It does show poor social decorum and stunning aversion to polite conversation, but that's what one would expect from what it most likely a single mother.

Turd Ferguson

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6261 on: April 06, 2018, 10:37:36 AM »
+1
Try to catch everything wrong with this next series of posts.

Quote from: KillHour
I'm going to scream in here because I can't scream out loud. I'm on vacation in Mexico and my mother hired a woman and her son to come to our beach house and make and serve us dinner. Awkward as fuck. They made a comment about how nice the house is and how expensive it must be and that only rich people can afford to live on the coast here.

She has the nerve to tell them "Oh, we're not rich. We come from a modest background. If you work hard you can do it too!" I've never simultaneously wanted to run away from somebody and hit them before.


Quote from: Oxxidation
smack her

not kidding

strike your terrible mother

Quote from: Koalas March
I mean I am not one to advocate violence but this or sit her down and talk about how her behavior makes you feel.

Link please.

a torrent of piss

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6262 on: April 06, 2018, 11:16:56 AM »
+7
She mentioned the term "working hard" when we all know that you can only achieve things through government funded social programs and some kind of theft.  :geithner:


Dark Roast

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6264 on: April 06, 2018, 12:45:44 PM »
+8
Try to catch everything wrong with this next series of posts.

Quote from: KillHour
I'm going to scream in here because I can't scream out loud. I'm on vacation in Mexico and my mother hired a woman and her son to come to our beach house and make and serve us dinner. Awkward as fuck. They made a comment about how nice the house is and how expensive it must be and that only rich people can afford to live on the coast here.

She has the nerve to tell them "Oh, we're not rich. We come from a modest background. If you work hard you can do it too!" I've never simultaneously wanted to run away from somebody and hit them before.


Quote from: Oxxidation
smack her

not kidding

strike your terrible mother

Quote from: Koalas March
I mean I am not one to advocate violence but this or sit her down and talk about how her behavior makes you feel.

leave it to a goon to flee to the warm, generously proportioned bosom of SA for hugs and asspats after the socjus programming kicks in over a nothing interaction during probably a really nice vacation. Nevermind hiring someone and paying them and enriching their lives while assisting you, doing anything but profusely apologising is raciss and help me fellow goons, literally crying rn

Hollywood Shabat Goy Yaro

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6265 on: April 07, 2018, 12:30:49 AM »
+13
What kind of fucking loser posts on a dying forum while on a beach vacation in Mexico?


Quote

Don't pick a fight with Al Franken, this is the guy who in truth should be President. Smart, ethical and generally a good person. And he is a comic so in a verbal war he will make you look stupid.

reactionary

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6266 on: April 08, 2018, 04:11:36 PM »
+5
Link please.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3851537&pagenumber=650&perpage=40#post482821611

From the same thread, fat wife gets mistaken for black

Quote
My wife gets clothing catalogs for black women sent to her. My guess is they are data mining her purchases and she has a rather large caboose.
god > man > horse > woman > dog

anti-pibble machine

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6267 on: April 30, 2018, 12:39:44 PM »
+12
Quote from: Koalas March
I accidentally OD'd on Ambien because it gave me amnesia. I was having insomnia so the doc gave me an RX. I took one and forgot, so I took another and forgot and took another, etc. I have no idea how many I took but I was talking to my cousin and basically fainted in the middle of our conversation. My mom said I was frighteningly pale and only responding gibberish sentences.

I have OD'd before but those were on purpose. Whoo, everyone loves a good overdose story.

and some older drug talk from queen nog

Quote from: Verranicus
It only strips jobless people of medicaid. Still shitty, but not the end of the world.

Quote from: Koalas March
Hello I am currently unemployed. The last thing unemployed people need is to lose access to healthcare. Especially if you need meds for mental health.

kindly go fuck yourself

Quote from: Koalas March
I am on medicaid.

and yeah Ver is a racist/misogynist/classist Iris hater but writing him off as a troll isn't great because he is reflecting people who really have those opinions. And fuck he might not be trolling and just a shitty dude. at least he knows better than o try that shit in tgrs as I would strike him down swiftly and justly.

Quote from: Koalas March
My current anxiety/nerve cocktail is lexapro, klonopin, lyrica and trileptal. It's expensive as shit. There's no way i can afford that shit, especially while unemployed.

Fuck, I can't wait until I can find a new gig. I love Detroit/Metro but goddamn I gotta get out of this state.

Quote from: Enigma89
Should probably stay away from drugs if you are on a bunch of pills.

Quote from: Koalas March
My neurologist is pretty cool. He said if the thc helps go for it. Luckily the Klonopin/trileptal is a take as needed thing for panic attacks/pain, which shocker, the weed manages a lot. I have baby lungs anyway.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2018, 12:50:43 PM by anti-nigger machine »

Aran

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6268 on: April 30, 2018, 12:43:20 PM »
+4
KM confirmed for Lowtax?

anti-pibble machine

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6269 on: April 30, 2018, 12:48:06 PM »
0
edit not quote

asip

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6270 on: April 30, 2018, 12:55:38 PM »
+15
Look bitch you're DONE. You're not leaving the state, you wont be getting your own place, you wont get a job with any level of prestige beyond head laborer. You have 10 years of mooching off your poor grandma like a fucking nigger to look forward to until you hopefully kill yourself with another wacky ass amnesia OD story.

Aran

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6271 on: April 30, 2018, 01:06:57 PM »
+8
Koalas March can live in my basement and do my laundry

a torrent of piss

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6272 on: April 30, 2018, 01:37:10 PM »
+7
Lowtax was a tranny all along.  :drew:

Also none of those programs cover mental health. When she says mental health she wants a bunch of fucking pills to get high off of. She doesn't want to actually get to the root of the problem, because actually addressing and fixing your mental health issues takes work.

The mixture of lexapro, klonopin, lyrica and trileptal is what faggots can use to get a a buzz. She wants the pills to make her feel better without the end goal of becoming a productive member of society.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2018, 01:42:34 PM by a torrent of piss »

Got Soylent?

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6273 on: April 30, 2018, 01:56:29 PM »
+6
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QG3jZCjJR8" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QG3jZCjJR8</a>

Yankees are Scum

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #6274 on: April 30, 2018, 02:10:04 PM »
+7
Goddamn that combo of meds explains a few things.