Do you guys remember back in 2011. There was a great disturbance emanating from NYC. It was as if tens of thousands of sluts cried out in terror that they couldn't indiscriminately have sex in a misguided attempt at recreating some Jew-manipulated-Sex and the City lifestyle to fill their hollow souls and personality-less minds.
Well, I found the source:
There are so many other options. Such as:
1) Letting the man come somewhere besides where it will get me pregnant.
Ah yes the bastion of modern pro-body feminist thinking imploring women to use the failure-proof pull-out method of contraception
as opposed to not continuing to ride the carousel of cocks for a few days.
2) Birth control pills. NO. They will make me fat; they will make me "spot" (another thing I squeamishly just DON'T LIKE TALKING ABOUT; don't worry, though, everyone else who works here does); they will give me acne; and quite frankly, they will NOT prevent me from getting pregnant! I know this because IT HAPPENED TO ME™.
"Can't take birth control because they make me fat and give me acne since my appearance is the only thing of value I have and I need to protect it so I can continue to allow the men of NYC to pump and dump. Plus they don't always work (especially when I forget to take them). "
4) Condoms. Nope! As if. I don't know. I don't sleep with that many people and so I just don't do condoms! ARG I HATE TALKING ABOUT MY SEX LIFE; LET'S END THIS.
"The feeling of a man cumming inside my well-worn vagina is the closest thing to love that I will ever find"
5) Abortion. This shouldn't even be on the list though obviously I've had them. Abortions are not birth control and I hate them! I'm OBVIOUSLY pro-choice but I think they are terrible and wrong and I hate having them. And I mean terrible for everyone involved. It breaks my heart all around.
"Well when the pull-out method doesn't work, scrape the trouble away! I'm so thankful for all the good-hearted iconoclast Jews who have fought for my right to abuse my uterus and kill my unwanted babies without any shame or guilt. But really, murdering babies is just terrible and it breaks my heart every time I do it. But at least my regular cunt-scraping is accumulating me a lot of points on my Planned Parenthood Rewards Card. "
6) A diaphragm. Ooh! The wild card! I had one of these in college, and by college I mean the year I was 18 and living in Soho and going to "acting school" and blowing my trust fund on cocaine and champagne at all of the best clubs. Anyway, I lugged around a diaphragm with me in a little case and would OCCASIONALLY use it. I was very slutty back then and never got preg, so I guess it worked. Amazingly I did not get herpes, though. Or anything else!
This, my fellow Struggers, is when a person tries to disguise the truth under the camouflage of ironic joke talk. It's what's left of their withered and bitter conscience; it's futile last effort to tell the truth and free them from some guilt and shame, but their narcissistic personality sprays it with some irony so that it seems like she's joking to protect her fragile self-worth. "See how slutty and care-free I was! lol but I'm only joking jk lol (but not really) pls love me daddy"
But WOMEN. We are clearly abusing it. OK, at least I am. Once I took it three times in one month! And that is seriously extreme; I know; I know. So besides that horrible month -- I was f*&king around with someone REALLY sexy; what can I say -- I'd say that I take it once every, like two months, and OMIGOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WRITING ABOUT MY SEX LIFE. I meant to be writing all of this to condemn all of YOU.
"I can't believe y'all are making me write about my sex life so much, stop it tee hee! So the last time I was cream-pied it was soooo awkward because I "
OK, my point is, I'm sleeping with someone new now and I'm going to be better about not letting anything happen. Women of New York City and the world: resolve to step up. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks -- that's practically a new fall fragrance! We should all stop letting dudes come inside of us and take some responsibility because I am feeling increasingly guilty about being an AVID participant in an abortion-friendly culture. Attack me in the comments section
Women live by their feels and die by their feels (and also vote by their feels you fucking faggot internet culture)