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Author Topic: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?  (Read 67217 times)

Waltzing Matilda

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #50 on: May 23, 2016, 10:42:22 PM »
+2
Educational thread

It's taken one hell of a turn for the better.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #51 on: May 23, 2016, 11:26:54 PM »
+2
More shmorky stories plz

Shit man, it was such a circus every day after a while I just began to mentally numb myself and normalize everything.  You should have seen him the day Facebook asked him to use his real name (he was of course going by Shmorky).  His birth name is still David Kelly, so he came to me shaking and almost in tears asking me to drive him to city hall to get his name changed from David to Daisy.  I'm like "Don't you think this is a bit drastic, I mean it's just Facebook."  And then I got the speech about how he dies inside every time someone calls him by the name David and that he'll kill himself so I'm like 'alright, let's get this done.' 

Now, you of course can't go anywhere with Shmorky until he puts his face on.  This process takes an hour.  Literally an hour.  You don't know how many times I almost went to the bathroom outside because I couldn't hold it anymore waiting for the little miss to put meticulously put his lipstick and eyeshadow on and position the yarn wig just right.  So there we go, off to city hall.  Of course, when we get there Shmork does the usual thing he does around people who aren't his crew of troons at a convention or something, he just freezes like a deer in headlights.  All the time.  So I have to explain to these office women that the 6 foot tall man in lipstick with me needs his name changed.  At the end of the day he didn't even go through with it because it cost like $400 and of course being that his only source of income was Patreon he didn't have it and I may have been roped into paying for a lot of shit for him but I wasn't gonna shell out money for him to have his name changed over bullshit on facebook.

:tom:

Holy balls this is fucking hilarious!

Amagayus if you can stop with the suicide threats and keep posting gold like this, you'll be unplexed in no time, because this is not getting enough attention hidden in here.

:reagan:

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #52 on: May 23, 2016, 11:39:57 PM »
+4
How the fuck did the two of you psychopaths originally meet? Some type of court ordered something I imagine.
"I'm really boring. My current hobbies right now are playing Animal Crossing on the DS and... I dunno, I did a bit of knitting last night for the first time in months after boy broke up with me over the phone (I can only cast on and knit stitch though). I surf the internet like every other person in the entire fucking world. I constantly have ideas that I never follow through on. I want to be a nurse someday. I want to drive. I nearly got my licence a few years ago but blacked out at the wheel due to my (90% now-cured) anorexia and haven't driven since."

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #53 on: May 23, 2016, 11:57:00 PM »
+6
Thread delivers and I'm not sure how I feel about it  :stare:

But please do post moar.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #54 on: May 24, 2016, 12:06:48 AM »
+3
Ahahaha, this is the best thread going right now.
Quote from: a man with an asymmetrical haircut
This was posted on the page before, but I was only able to catch up on this thread now. I'd like to point out that not all lesbian relationships have two vaginas, and it really sucks as a queer trans woman to hear this sort of generalization all the time.

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Just realized Billy Oceans "get out of my dreams (and into my car)" is pretty blatantly about street harassment

Waltzing Matilda

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #55 on: May 24, 2016, 12:18:20 AM »
+3
Dog, can we move this out of the plexx?

You should be able to split it and just move the interesting part.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #56 on: May 24, 2016, 12:23:31 AM »
+2
Dog, can we move this out of the plexx?

You should be able to split it and just move the interesting part.

 :kaneclap:

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #57 on: May 24, 2016, 01:07:36 AM »
+3
He didn't like having sex often but when we did, he would put me in a diaper and powder my butt and roleplay as my "mommy".  There were many times I just wondered if the life I was living was even real.

 :stonk:




Also: ahahahahahahahahah holy shit ahahahahahahah   Please, more stories.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #58 on: May 24, 2016, 02:03:06 AM »
+15
Note to self, next time I demand Shmorky's ex post tits I need to specify human and not klurf tits.
Let me know when the next SASS spinoff starts.

Nate Higgers

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #59 on: May 24, 2016, 02:18:38 AM »
+4
Any more Lowtax stories?  Did he think he was still running a successful comedy empire or did he admit that he was running a site nobody has cared about in a decade?

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #60 on: May 24, 2016, 03:47:26 AM »
+5
He didn't like having sex often but when we did, he would put me in a diaper and powder my butt and roleplay as my "mommy".  There were many times I just wondered if the life I was living was even real.

The bolded part needs to be part of the quote mine.





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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #61 on: May 24, 2016, 09:39:07 AM »
+12
Just put that picture in your head. Lying face down with your ass in the air and a 6 foot tall yarn-wigged, husky man with lipstick and a 5'oclock shadow sounding like Bill Dauterive telling you that "mommy is going to powder your butt before she rapes you with her mommycock."

Sweet dreams, Strugglers!
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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #62 on: May 24, 2016, 09:50:29 AM »
+38
Any more Lowtax stories?  Did he think he was still running a successful comedy empire or did he admit that he was running a site nobody has cared about in a decade?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA Let me tell you something, you had a better chance of seeing Jesus than seeing Lowtax sober.  I spent a lot of time at the SA office (which was filthy, cluttered as all hell and full of brown recluse spiders).  Shmorky got off a lot on having me be his arm candy but Lowtax was too drunk/stoned on god knows what kind of pills to notice anything.  Lowtax would just kind of stumble around the office in his pajamas, 5 o clock shadow, disheveled as fuck and eventually settle on the coach and play vidya.  That's mostly what he did.  Either sleep on that couch or play vidya in it.  He HATED doing any kind of work.  When the forums would go down he'd clamor into his office full of empty bottles and grunt and curse at the screen and snap at anyone who went near him.  He was not a pleasant man.

I do remember a very funny instance:  I don't know how it came up but I mentioned Mangosteen to him.  He broke from his ambien daze and just yelled "WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING SO STUPID!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"  Shmorky came flying from his office screaming in his ever shrill scream "WHY WOULD YOU MENTION MANGOSTEEN! WHY WOULD YOU MENTION MANGOSTEEN!"  Like they were both SERIOUSLY offended by it and all I could do was laugh my ass off because here are these two grown ass men getting their panties in a bunch over Mangosteen.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #63 on: May 24, 2016, 09:53:06 AM »
+2
I do remember a very funny instance:  I don't know how it came up but I mentioned Mangosteen to him.  He broke from his ambien daze and just yelled "WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING SO STUPID!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"  Shmorky came flying from his office screaming in his ever shrill scream "WHY WOULD YOU MENTION MANGOSTEEN! WHY WOULD YOU MENTION MANGOSTEEN!"  Like they were both SERIOUSLY offended by it and all I could do was laugh my ass off because here are these two grown ass men getting their panties in a bunch over Mangosteen.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa1iS1MqUy4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa1iS1MqUy4</a>
At dawn I leave the hut. My woman is happy in her toil. When I return from my daily gathering, I am tired and hungry. There is no food or fire, because she has dragged out her ceremonial betrothal skins, and spent the day weeping because they do not fit. And somehow this is MY fault?! And now her family has come to comfort her. They have been with us since Nord has blown his icy breath. If her brother is not out of our hut by planting time, there will be a clubbing!

[SWOLE]Mandy

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #64 on: May 24, 2016, 09:58:55 AM »
+17
Also Shmorky LOOOVED Lowtax's kids.  He would get way too excited over them coming to the office.  Like giddily laughing with glee and clapping his hands excited.  Shmork would go on and on about how 'mature' and 'in touch with their emotions' they were.  And yes, Lowtax let Shmork watch the kids while he went off and got drunk somewhere all the time.  Shmork would even lurk the kids facebook and twitter accounts saying "he was just critiquing their art".  Shmork was a child.  He literally wanted to be one.  He would sit in the house in diapers and footsie pajamas (how he found his size in footsie pajamas I'll never know) and draw little children klurfs on toilets with toilet paper wrapped around them, getting diaper changes, it was his whole world.  His dream in life was "to make cartoons for children that encourages them to shatter the gender binary".  I...would not want Shmorky making cartoons for any child.  Not after seeing his "Secret Time" collection.  :myecred:

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #65 on: May 24, 2016, 09:59:52 AM »
+13
Turns out we just passed the tenth anniversary of the Mangosteen Meltdown.



<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlNZTLcinoc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlNZTLcinoc</a>
At dawn I leave the hut. My woman is happy in her toil. When I return from my daily gathering, I am tired and hungry. There is no food or fire, because she has dragged out her ceremonial betrothal skins, and spent the day weeping because they do not fit. And somehow this is MY fault?! And now her family has come to comfort her. They have been with us since Nord has blown his icy breath. If her brother is not out of our hut by planting time, there will be a clubbing!

[SWOLE]Mandy

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #66 on: May 24, 2016, 10:48:05 AM »
+13
Found some more junk on my other laptop!  Not as exciting as klurf children pissing, but this is what Shmorky's idea of what "sexy" selfies were:

This was back when the SA office existed, before Lowtax had to inevitably sell it in 2015 to make ends meet:



A demure princess:



Shmorky was so vain he actually invested money in women's corsets...which he wore every day.



These are the things a 35-year-old man draws:



Shmorky always had a very strange idea about what "sexy" was:



Very strange...


Nate Higgers

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #67 on: May 24, 2016, 10:56:46 AM »
+2
How much money do you think SA pulled in per year when you were around?  Did it make good money (interpret that as six figures) or was Lowtax's gravy train starting to come to an end?

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #68 on: May 24, 2016, 11:15:12 AM »
+2
Also Shmorky LOOOVED Lowtax's kids.  He would get way too excited over them coming to the office.  Like giddily laughing with glee and clapping his hands excited.  Shmork would go on and on about how 'mature' and 'in touch with their emotions' they were.  And yes, Lowtax let Shmork watch the kids while he went off and got drunk somewhere all the time.  Shmork would even lurk the kids facebook and twitter accounts saying "he was just critiquing their art".  Shmork was a child.  He literally wanted to be one.  He would sit in the house in diapers and footsie pajamas (how he found his size in footsie pajamas I'll never know) and draw little children klurfs on toilets with toilet paper wrapped around them, getting diaper changes, it was his whole world.  His dream in life was "to make cartoons for children that encourages them to shatter the gender binary".  I...would not want Shmorky making cartoons for any child.  Not after seeing his "Secret Time" collection.  :myecred:
So help me with a timeline: how long was Shmorky doing the pedo-esque tranny freak thing? How long were Lowtax's kids exposed to this?
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[SWOLE]Mandy

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #69 on: May 24, 2016, 11:45:27 AM »
+20
Quote
How much money do you think SA pulled in per year when you were around?  Did it make good money (interpret that as six figures) or was Lowtax's gravy train starting to come to an end?

It had to be in the negative.  Lowtax was selling everything he owned just to make ends meet.  He had recently sold his house to move into an apartment.  He paid his employees LESS than MINIMUM WAGE, which is not high in bumblefuck Missouri.  You could tell he was not happy with the way things were going.  He was miserable every day and shitfaced drunk by 11am.

Also Shmorky LOOOVED Lowtax's kids.  He would get way too excited over them coming to the office.  Like giddily laughing with glee and clapping his hands excited.  Shmork would go on and on about how 'mature' and 'in touch with their emotions' they were.  And yes, Lowtax let Shmork watch the kids while he went off and got drunk somewhere all the time.  Shmork would even lurk the kids facebook and twitter accounts saying "he was just critiquing their art".  Shmork was a child.  He literally wanted to be one.  He would sit in the house in diapers and footsie pajamas (how he found his size in footsie pajamas I'll never know) and draw little children klurfs on toilets with toilet paper wrapped around them, getting diaper changes, it was his whole world.  His dream in life was "to make cartoons for children that encourages them to shatter the gender binary".  I...would not want Shmorky making cartoons for any child.  Not after seeing his "Secret Time" collection.  :myecred:
So help me with a timeline: how long was Shmorky doing the pedo-esque tranny freak thing? How long were Lowtax's kids exposed to this?

I can tell you he was balls deep in it from the day I met him.  And I can also tell you that was his core personality, it wasn't some new fetish he developed.  This is probably complete bullshit he convinced himself into believing but he disclosed to me that he was a hermaphrodite and had a full set of ovaries and a uterus wired to his dick and could SWEAR he could feel a vagina behind his balls.  He was so convinced of this he sat there spread legged once, pointing to his gooch saying "See!  You can kind of see where the opening is!"  And I'm like "Yeah, I can totally see it..."  Even though there was nothing there but normal man gooch and I was just being nice.  During sex he would want me to "finger him" beind his balls where his supposed "vagina" was.  He also got a "period" every month and swore that he was crampy, bloated and moody (he was always moody).  I had to excuse him being extra verbally abusive once a month because it was "that time of the month". 

He also went on and on about how "lucky" I was that he chose me when he had so many "stalkers".  He was under the impression that he was so "pretty" that men, women, and troons alike stalked him and wanted to fuck the shit out of him.  The closest thing to being "hit on" I saw with him was when a couple of drunk hicks in a Casey's parking lot saw him and just started yelling that they wanted to try on his yarn wig.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #70 on: May 24, 2016, 12:03:40 PM »
+7
Unplexx op move thread back up to visible forums. The world needs to see this.


Quote from: Megaspel
To be fair, they did eventually ban Aatrek after people found out they knew he was a kiddie diddler.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #71 on: May 24, 2016, 12:14:51 PM »
+2
Unplexx op move thread back up to visible forums. The world needs to see this.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #72 on: May 24, 2016, 12:16:25 PM »
+2
Unplexx op move thread back up to visible forums. The world needs to see this.

+sticky in main forum
At dawn I leave the hut. My woman is happy in her toil. When I return from my daily gathering, I am tired and hungry. There is no food or fire, because she has dragged out her ceremonial betrothal skins, and spent the day weeping because they do not fit. And somehow this is MY fault?! And now her family has come to comfort her. They have been with us since Nord has blown his icy breath. If her brother is not out of our hut by planting time, there will be a clubbing!

Nate Higgers

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #73 on: May 24, 2016, 12:16:56 PM »
+7
Do you know much about Lowtax's new Canadian wife?  I figured if she moved down and popped out a kid, Lowtax's finances must be okay (not that people can't have kids when dead broke) since she moved down from Canada to marry and have children with this guy.  In light of your comments, I wonder if she knew his financial situation before getting married and pregnant with him.

Fortunately GAPO isn't here to get triggered by this question.

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Re: So did Smorky's GF kill herself?
« Reply #74 on: May 24, 2016, 12:23:49 PM »
+6
If anybody fucks with ED this new material needs to go up on Dave's page.

We need to make a point of calling him Dave from now on for MAXIMUM TRIGGERING.


Quote from: Megaspel
To be fair, they did eventually ban Aatrek after people found out they knew he was a kiddie diddler.