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Author Topic: Funny Shit From The News  (Read 58997 times)

J Dog

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4325 on: March 17, 2017, 06:48:45 PM »
+7
https://ca.news.yahoo.com/venezuela-arrests-brownie-croissant-bakers-bread-war-024355524.html

Quote
Venezuela this week arrested four bakers making illegal brownies and other pastries as President Nicolas Maduro's socialist government threatens to take over bakeries in Caracas as part of a new "bread war".

Maduro has sent inspectors and soldiers into more than 700 bakeries around the capital this week to enforce a rule that 90 percent of wheat must be destined to loaves rather than more expensive pastries and cakes.

"Those behind the 'bread war' are going to pay, and don't let them say later it is political persecution," Maduro had warned at the start of the week.

adolf spacey

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4326 on: March 17, 2017, 11:07:44 PM »
+8
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/03/17/she-wanted-to-be-a-model-pregnant-teen-fatally-stuck-by-train-while-posing-for-photos/?tid=sm_tw&utm_term=.450c094713c6

Quote
‘She wanted to be a model.’ Teen fatally stuck by train while posing for photos.
By Samantha Schmidt

One photo shows Fredzania Thompson posing confidently in her high heels, smiling as she stood between two train tracks. In another, the 19-year-old aspiring model is seen sitting in the middle of the adjacent tracks with one leg outstretched and a serious, intense gaze into the camera.

As the photos were being taken in Navasota, Tex., Thompson noticed a train approaching and turned to avert it. In the process, she walked straight into a train approaching from the other direction.

Thompson died en route to the hospital shortly after being struck last Friday. Her photographer was not harmed.

According to Union Pacific spokesman Jeff De Graff, the crew of the train that hit Thompson had seen her and the photographer on the tracks, blew a horn to alert them and began making an emergency stop, the Navasota Examiner reported.

Thompson died just three days before her 20th birthday and nine days after learning she was pregnant, her fiance, Earl Chatman, told local television station KAGS. Her funeral is Saturday.



 :bunker:

Talk about an underground railroad.
The fact that I never gave Lowtax my money is a personal point of pride for me.

           

J Dog

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4327 on: March 19, 2017, 07:53:22 AM »
+3
We need a Retarded Judges thread. 

http://www.startribune.com/search-warrant-issued-to-edina-police-raises-privacy-concerns-of-internet-users/416442113/

Quote
Police get search warrant for everyone who Googled Edina resident's name


Issued by Hennepin County District Judge Gary Larson in early February, the warrant pertains to anyone who searched variations of the resident’s name on Google from Dec. 1 through Jan. 7.

In addition to basic contact information for people targeted by the warrant, Google is being asked to provide Edina police with their Social Security numbers, account and payment information, and IP (internet protocol) and MAC (media access control) addresses.

-----

Detective David Lindman outlined the case in his application for the search warrant:

In early January, two account holders with SPIRE Credit Union reported to police that $28,500 had been stolen from a line of credit associated with one of their accounts, according to court documents.

Edina investigators learned that the suspect or suspects provided the credit union with the account holder’s name, date of birth and Social Security number. In addition, the suspect faxed a forged U.S. passport with a photo of someone who looked like the account holder but wasn’t.

Investigators ran an image search of the account holder’s name on Google and found the photo used on the forged passport. Other search engines did not turn up the photo.

According to the warrant application, Lindman said he had reason to believe the suspect used Google to find a picture of the person they believed to be the account holder.

Larson signed off on the search warrant Feb. 1. According to court documents, Lindman served it about 20 minutes later.

:tuss:


Talcum X

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4328 on: March 19, 2017, 03:06:57 PM »
+1
If they end up catching the perp because of this then I have to hand it to the guy.  Otherwise this is another "A...UH.....A SERIES OF TUBES!!!!" moment

Dog-O-Tron 5000v4.0

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4329 on: March 20, 2017, 10:03:38 PM »
+5
Sesame Street has just created a new muppet character with the 'tism.



http://people.com/human-interest/meet-sesame-streets-first-muppet-with-autism-julia-and-the-brilliant-puppeteer-behind-her/

Quote
Sesame Street is debuting their newest friend — a red-headed, shy muppet named Julia. And she has autism.

“She is going to be so powerful on two fronts,” Sherrie Westin, executive vice president of Global Impact and Philanthropy at Sesame Workshop, tells PEOPLE of Julia. “It will help kids with autism be able to identify with a character and it will also play an important role in destigmatizing autism.

“We want to reach all children in terms of giving them greater empathy and to talk about and increase awareness and understanding.”

Julia, who was introduced last year as a digital character in Sesame Workshop’s Sesame Street and Autism: See Amazing in All Children global initiative for communities and families with children ages 2 to 5, is now making her debut as a physical muppet on HBO and PBS on April 10.

“We just had to bring her to life,” says Westin. “She was created as a positive response from the autism community.”

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVk4dr0-tzI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVk4dr0-tzI</a>

I can't wait for the hour long "Counting to 5" episode! :allears:


Note: "Autism Muppet" is currently still available as an SS username...
« Last Edit: March 20, 2017, 10:07:23 PM by Dog-O-Tron 5000v4.0 »
Get rid of the notion that an eleven year old cannot be stronger than you, I had a kid of similar age do this to be when I was 16 and your size. I'm pretty sure he was stronger than me, this kid is almost certainly stronger than you.

professional lurker

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4330 on: March 20, 2017, 10:11:36 PM »
+7
Too bad Julia just got introduced right before Donald Trump fired all of the puppets on Sesame Street.

Why the fuck is Sesame Street so important now anyways?
"I'm really boring. My current hobbies right now are playing Animal Crossing on the DS and... I dunno, I did a bit of knitting last night for the first time in months after boy broke up with me over the phone (I can only cast on and knit stitch though). I surf the internet like every other person in the entire fucking world. I constantly have ideas that I never follow through on. I want to be a nurse someday. I want to drive. I nearly got my licence a few years ago but blacked out at the wheel due to my (90% now-cured) anorexia and haven't driven since."

Ghostse

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4331 on: March 20, 2017, 10:27:03 PM »
+13
The first step to treating autism is to re-stigmatize autism. Spergs aren't going to grow out of it unless forced.
Let me know when the next SASS spinoff starts.

Psycho Dad

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4332 on: March 20, 2017, 11:12:00 PM »
+5
Too bad Julia just got introduced right before Donald Trump fired all of the puppets on Sesame Street.

Why the fuck is Sesame Street so important now anyways?

Because Trump, unlike all of the autistic left, understands that you don't need to throw goverment money at something that is already profitable. When you stop government from wasting money, you trigger commies, especially whiny Trump hating commies.
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Hollywood Shabat Goy Yaro

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4333 on: March 20, 2017, 11:53:08 PM »
+6
Progs memed Republicans killing Big Bird back into existence in 2012. Reap what you sow bitches. 

BigDiggerNick

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Psycho Dad

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4335 on: March 21, 2017, 06:40:41 PM »
+4



Elmo has never used personal pronouns.
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Backpfeifengesicht

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4336 on: March 21, 2017, 07:08:44 PM »
+16



Elmo has never used personal pronouns.

I see you identify closely with the new autistic character.

The Trumpriarch

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4337 on: March 21, 2017, 07:29:28 PM »
+11
I really want her to become the face of weaponized autism and watch the left freak out about how she was co-opted by alt-right neo-Nazis.
cry "bigot!" and let slip the troons of war

Drinkerton National Shitposting Agency

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4338 on: March 21, 2017, 07:31:22 PM »
+4
I really want her to become the face of weaponized autism and watch the left freak out about how she was co-opted by alt-right neo-Nazis.

Agreed, lets do it.
Of course, the "proper" reaction is to treat a troon like a five year old playing hide and seek for the first time. 

"What transsexual?  All I see are three perfectly normal sexy ladies.  Aren't no men in that picture that I can see."


InsideOutside

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4339 on: March 21, 2017, 07:59:49 PM »
+12
I really want her to become the face of weaponized autism and watch the left freak out about how she was co-opted by alt-right neo-Nazis.

Agreed, lets do it.

*DNC Convention, August 2020. Hillary Clinton's keynote address*

"And there is a continuing racist movement known as the alt right"

*distant* "JULIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Psycho Dad

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4340 on: March 21, 2017, 08:42:37 PM »
+2



Elmo has never used personal pronouns.

I see you identify closely with the new autistic character.

No, I'm old-school.

 :ignatius:
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The Watcher

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4341 on: March 21, 2017, 08:46:42 PM »
+9
All Hail the Patriarchy

Whig Historian

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4342 on: March 21, 2017, 10:42:27 PM »
+3

InsideOutside

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4343 on: March 22, 2017, 11:13:12 AM »
+3
filthy hippie "performance artist" decides to act up at the alamo:


(click for localnews video)

http://www.kens5.com/news/local/texas/dont-mess-with-texas-viral-video-guy-drops-pants-at-alamo-restrained-by-security/424323059


DAS FRANK

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4344 on: April 04, 2017, 12:56:35 AM »
+11
Quote
Arab News regrettably announces that it will discontinue publishing articles by US columnist Andrew Bowen.

The reason behind this decision is the columnist insisting that this newspaper deletes previous articles dating back prior to the recent US election where he was in favor of Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton.

Bowen, a visiting scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, has repeatedly requested the removal of these articles stating that this is needed for him “to be cleared” for what he claims to be a possible job with the new Donald Trump administration’s State Department.

Mr. Bowen also insinuated — verbally and in writing — that he will seek the support of influential friends and contacts to help remove the articles.

Arab News possesses all correspondence relating to this matter and its position is that such a request is unprofessional journalistically, particularly given that there were no factual errors or libelous comments that require a redaction or correction.

We wish Mr. Bowen the best of luck in his job application.

• Here is a link to Mr Bowen's complete Arab News archive

http://www.arabnews.com/node/1078861/media

:tom::tom::tom:

blakks are not very cool

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4345 on: April 04, 2017, 12:29:09 PM »
+2
Quote
Arab News regrettably announces that it will discontinue publishing articles by US columnist Andrew Bowen.

The reason behind this decision is the columnist insisting that this newspaper deletes previous articles dating back prior to the recent US election where he was in favor of Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton.

Bowen, a visiting scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, has repeatedly requested the removal of these articles stating that this is needed for him “to be cleared” for what he claims to be a possible job with the new Donald Trump administration’s State Department.

Mr. Bowen also insinuated — verbally and in writing — that he will seek the support of influential friends and contacts to help remove the articles.

Arab News possesses all correspondence relating to this matter and its position is that such a request is unprofessional journalistically, particularly given that there were no factual errors or libelous comments that require a redaction or correction.

We wish Mr. Bowen the best of luck in his job application.

• Here is a link to Mr Bowen's complete Arab News archive

http://www.arabnews.com/node/1078861/media


And looks like they capitulated:
Access denied
You are not authorized to access this page.

Ghostse

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4346 on: April 05, 2017, 10:03:03 PM »
+1
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/these-high-school-journalists-investigated-a-new-principal%E2%80%99s-credentials-days-later-she-resigned/ar-BBzna1x?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=spartanntp

Highschool students investigate new principal, discover she graduated from a diploma mill. No pictures of principal, so I'm assuming nigger.
Let me know when the next SASS spinoff starts.

(((🍆🍆🍆)))

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Whig Historian

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Re: Funny Shit From The News
« Reply #4348 on: April 05, 2017, 10:30:27 PM »
+14
I once ended up getting a teacher fired because I complained about her bizarre classroom behavior enough that administration went over her CV again and found that she'd lied about her credentials.

Psycho Dad

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Drain The Swamp And Fill It With Piss       Room temperature IQ... in Celsius. Complete vocabulary is two sentences and niggerish.
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