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Author Topic: D&D Funny Quotes Thread  (Read 950588 times)

Hollywood Shabat Goy Yaro

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7000 on: November 06, 2018, 11:19:50 PM »
+7
why don't these fags just watch football instead of politics?  :jesse:

I seriously was thinking this driving home tonight from work.

Politics is seriously football/basketball/baseball/hockey for the ugly, unlikable, and unfuckable. 
« Last Edit: November 06, 2018, 11:42:37 PM by Hollywood Shabat Goy Yaro »


Quote

Don't pick a fight with Al Franken, this is the guy who in truth should be President. Smart, ethical and generally a good person. And he is a comic so in a verbal war he will make you look stupid.

Quote
Thanks Maureen. I've been dealing with that pedantic argument of not being able to spell makes me an idiot since grade school. I'm autistic with a 130+ iq who writes a graphic novel about sex abuse and with an obsession about pshycology to the point I'm more informed than my therapists about current news.

anti-pibble machine

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7001 on: November 07, 2018, 12:30:40 AM »
+6
Quote from: Gangringo
Election thread. I am the avatar or straight white nerd dude and I am cry-laughiing in joy for my friends that are gay, trans, or otherwise considered sub-human by the current Republican leadership. If nothing else we have stopped the bleeding and made the halls of power shake in fear of our voice. I'm admittedly a little (a lot) drunk but I a am so giddy happy I am weeping openly and making a foot of myself. Thank you Trump thread alums for helping me keep my sanity for the past two years. Thank you all for keeping the faith.

Quote from: FZeroRacer
i mean milquetoast white people don't have much to worry about in general but for minorities, lgbt etc we're still more concerned about the looming majority in the Supreme Court plus the judicial picks the Senate gets to run wild with, plus a lot of states are still deeply fucked.

it's a win for democrats, but not for the people they're supposed to represent yet, especially if they bend over backwards again for the bipartisan bullshit while our rights are slowly stripped away from us. i'll start popping champagne when we start driving away from the cliff.

Quote from: World Famous W
Woke up from sleeping in bliss all afternoon to find y state (Alabama) passed it's "babies in the womb are people, so hurry up and overturn roe so we can outlaw abortion already" and the "Moore was right, the ten commandments kick ass and should be in courts and schools" amendments. Cool, cool, glad I'm moving

Hollywood Shabat Goy Yaro

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7002 on: November 07, 2018, 01:11:58 AM »
+13
Quote

Quote from: World Famous W
Woke up from sleeping in bliss all afternoon to find y state (Alabama) passed it's "babies in the womb are people, so hurry up and overturn roe so we can outlaw abortion already" and the "Moore was right, the ten commandments kick ass and should be in courts and schools" amendments. Cool, cool, glad I'm moving

Lol sleeping all this afternoon?

I was working my ass off this whole afternoon you lazy sack of shit. 


Quote

Don't pick a fight with Al Franken, this is the guy who in truth should be President. Smart, ethical and generally a good person. And he is a comic so in a verbal war he will make you look stupid.

Quote
Thanks Maureen. I've been dealing with that pedantic argument of not being able to spell makes me an idiot since grade school. I'm autistic with a 130+ iq who writes a graphic novel about sex abuse and with an obsession about pshycology to the point I'm more informed than my therapists about current news.

Michael Obama's Miscarriage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7003 on: November 07, 2018, 06:16:30 AM »
+11
Quote from: goon
seriously, I'll say it again forty percent of all black men in florida are convicted felons. 40.
nah im a
white wow


Aran

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7004 on: November 07, 2018, 07:57:49 AM »
+11
Quote from: goon
seriously, I'll say it again forty percent of all black men in florida are convicted felons. 40.

We need to work on the other 60%

Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7005 on: November 07, 2018, 09:46:04 AM »
+11
Is that saying that nogs make up 16% of the population of Florida, but make up almost half of the felons in the state? (40%)

Is that the takeaway I'm getting?

J Dog

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7006 on: November 07, 2018, 10:50:51 AM »
+6
I wonder what the sex balance is of convicts, because if 40% of blacks are felons, up to 80% of black males might be felons.

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7007 on: November 07, 2018, 11:38:17 AM »
+3
Quote from: goon
seriously, I'll say it again forty percent of all black men in florida are convicted felons. 40.

They keep throwing that number out but they're lumping in people convicted of murder and sex crime. So the number affected are much lower.

Slacktivist

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7008 on: November 07, 2018, 11:58:22 AM »
+12
Quote from: Slacktivist
the house evens out, red team holds the senate and everything is portrayed as DONALD BLUMPF BTFO

The new monthly politics thread is up. Lets see how a mature and unbiased moderator tasked with the management of Debate and Discussion sees history:

Quote from: Lightning Knight
As of last night, the Democratic Party, perpetual goobers and lovers of decorum, control the House of Representatives, by a fairly wide margin. However, they suffered losses in the Senate, which is a body they are at an increasing disadvantage to ever control again for any length of time. Likewise, Republicans successfully stole themselves a Supreme Court seat and secured a second one via resignation, effectively damning the court to a generation of conservative rule barring Democratic court packing. Donald J. Trump, resident court jester and awful billionaire grifter, remains the president until 2020 at minimum, and Democrats do not have the votes in the Senate to convict even if the House decides to impeach based on investigations they are making.

Those damn dirty Republicans stole a Supreme Court seat and refuse to allow our fantasy of impeachment to go through! Those bastards! We'll show them! We'll gridlock the hell out of Trump! This is entirely unlike anything that might have happened to the good and noble Barack Obama!

History repeating right on time.

Quote from: Lightning Knight
Things are not normal. Stop pretending they are. Stop criticizing people for being rightfully afraid, or for taking steps to protect themselves.

BE AFRAID CITIZENS. After all it drove a better than the usual anemic midterms results! I will pause briefly here to give credit to goons I mocked earlier for fever dreams of 40-70 seats flipping in the House. They came a lot closer to 40 then you'd think and I award the Democrats and their liberal loonies the honorary title of Blue Splash. Congratulations boys, you've shortened your time on this planet with two years of anxiety attacks, nervous tics, wishes for violence against people you've never met and substance abuse to cope.

LETS DIVE IN!

Quote from: groovelord neato
the tide has turned. the free people are marching together to victory.

This is the next week of news cycle, maybe all the way until 2020 itself. The Blue Splash is an incredible rejection of DRUMPHF. The path to victory is clear!

Quote from: QuoProQuid
In case you were wondering how Democrats in Ohio are viewing the results of last night’s wipeout in statewide races, the Cleveland Plain Dealer republished a series imagining if the north of the state seceded from the deep red south.

But cheer up fellow fascists. Every local loss bleeds these pigs out like a sharpened knife!

Quote from: FlamingLiberal
We need to do that in FL badly. Everything north of Orlando metro should be its own state. Sorry, Tallahassee, but sacrifices need to be made.

Quote from: eke out
by sacrifices you mean literally sacrificing the majority of the black population of the state

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THE LIBERAL IS AN IGNORANT RACIST!

Quote from: Zotix
I'm seriously hoping we see some great things out of Beto in the next decade or so. It's unfortunate he didn't win, but he is the type of leader the democratic party could use going forward imo.

A giant money dump that loses in the end. Maybe he and Hillary can team up for 2020.

Quote from: Solkanar512
If you think last night wasn’t a win for the Democrats, you have unreasonable expectations. Nothing was going to be fixed over night and you never stop working. Take a break but it’s going to take a long time to make change last.

That being said, why aren’t we talking about increasing the size of the House to mitigate gerrymandering and the obvious issues with the Electoral College?

Why aren't we engaging in a different type of gerrymandering to combat the sinister Republicans and all their gerrymandering? And the Electoral College is obviously an issue after 200 years of service! Time to deal with this archaic piece of shit that stole her turn!

Quote from: Waltzing Along
After giving it a cursory glance it looks like the dems underperformed and that is being called a victory. Sounds about right.

Uhm, MODS? Orange man bad was soundly defeated yesterday! Please escort this rapscallion from the premises for at least six hours!

Quote from: My Twitter Account
So the Dems aren't going to be so stupid as to actually elect Pelosi speaker again, are they?

You can't spell victory without VICiously tearing apart all the untrue Scotsmen in my party.

Quote from: Fritz Coldcockin
Quote from: Aggro
Are there any potential Democratic candidates who don’t qualify for Medicare? Bernie and Warren are both on the wrong side of 65.
Gillibrand, Harris, Booker, Duckworth, etc.

Aren't you glad life in America is now a 24/7 commitment to the plan to take down Drumpf? Honest to God the 2020 primary season started at 12 AM today.

lol Harris, Booker. The blue bench is back to the same shit it was for the last two years without the likes of the Lion of Beto(slain by Ratman in his prime.)

Quote from: corn in the bible
excited to read 100 thinkpieces about how beto is a failure because he didn't manage to win a senate election in texas even though the last texas senate election ended in a 16 point gap

IT WAS HIS TURN

Quote from: Asema
The Dems are going to take all the wrong messages from last night and double down and push a wet fart out in 2020 and my national nightmare is going to fucking continue.

I wish there was an outside chance that ol' Nancy wouldn't be the speaker but lmao

The Democrats Won Big Last Night, And Here's Why That's A Bad Thing

Quote from: Your Taint
Remember all those smug fucks who told us "Elections have consequences" after Trump got elected? Feel free to throw it back in their faces if they start complaining about one of the 57 simultaneous House investigations.

I saved an article for today. They Can't Bear the Thought That Trump's Win Was No Anomaly.

At the end of the day I don't think even half the D&D regulars gave a flying fuck about anything going on locally or would even be affected by any propositions passed or denied outside of how easy it is to get high. It was all just personal vendettas against politicians that will never even meet them and striking back against Drumpf by being rude to their families at Thanksgiving.

Goons will be using the USPOL/Trump monthly threads to let off steam and keep my job easy so enjoy the salt everybody!

Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7009 on: November 07, 2018, 03:22:44 PM »
+9
You're doing yeoman's work here my friend. Keep it coming.  :reagan:

Michael Obama's Miscarriage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7010 on: November 07, 2018, 03:36:47 PM »
+12
at this point we live in two entirely separate worlds and the glue keeping us together is jewish banks

Quote
Why aren't we engaging in a different type of gerrymandering to combat the sinister Republicans and all their gerrymandering? And the Electoral College is obviously an issue after 200 years of service! Time to deal with this archaic piece of shit that stole her turn!

i love these posts. ever since blormf got elected, they've become deeply invested in the integrity of our elections that they also want 30 million non citizens to vote in.
nah im a
white wow


Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7011 on: November 07, 2018, 03:57:06 PM »
+7
Liberal and goons' second favorite word (after "systemic") is "Gerrymandering."

They use it for every ill.

"The McDonalds ice cream machine is broken." Gerrymandering.

anti-pibble machine

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7012 on: November 07, 2018, 04:02:27 PM »
+7
Lightning Knight pushed 4 megathreads into a single USPol thread so that's going to be an even more unreadable mess than usual.

Quote from: Nothus
So the Republicans were able to spin up a big turnout push in the last months of the election and largely blunted public reaction to Trump.

I see nothing to suggest 2020 isn't going to be anything but an easy Trump win.

Quote from: Radish
The media colluded with them (unwittingly or not) to help by driving up the fear of a bunch of refugees a country away that after today they will mysteriously not care about anymore while trying to figure out the most obscure thing they could tie to Democrats to make the synagague shooting a both sides issue . If the Democrats plan on winning in 2020 they need to see most of the press as the enemy and plan accordingly. The New York Times is going to be pushing Trump very hard in 2020 while being just careful enough to make it not an official endorsement.

Also actually running on popular stuff would be good too but they don't want to do that.

Michael Obama's Miscarriage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7013 on: November 07, 2018, 04:32:32 PM »
+8
Liberal and goons' second favorite word (after "systemic") is "Gerrymandering."

They use it for every ill.

"The McDonalds ice cream machine is broken." Gerrymandering.

i wonder what systemic means

Systemic discrimination refers to patterns of behavior, policies or practices that are part of the structures of an organization, and which create or perpetuate disadvantage for racialized persons. It has a broad impact on an industry, profession, company, or geographic area.

ok cool


Examples of systemic practices include:

a. discriminatory barriers in recruitment and hiring;

b. discriminatorily restricted access to management trainee programs and to high level jobs;

c. exclusion of qualified women from traditionally male dominated fields of work; disability discrimination such as unlawful pre-employment inquiries;

d. age discrimination in reductions in force and retirement benefits; and

e. compliance with customer preferences that result in discriminatory placement or assignments.

i'm glad to hear d&d goons are becoming white and asian civil rights advocates, since those the only groups that its legal to do all this stuff to in the united states.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2018, 04:35:38 PM by daddys cummies »
nah im a
white wow


walrus rape strategy

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7014 on: November 07, 2018, 05:26:12 PM »
+13

Quote from: Radish
The media colluded with them (unwittingly or not) to help by driving up the fear of a bunch of refugees a country away that after today they will mysteriously not care about anymore while trying to figure out the most obscure thing they could tie to Democrats to make the synagague shooting a both sides issue . If the Democrats plan on winning in 2020 they need to see most of the press as the enemy and plan accordingly. The New York Times is going to be pushing Trump very hard in 2020 while being just careful enough to make it not an official endorsement.

Also actually running on popular stuff would be good too but they don't want to do that.

 :megastare:

Just fucking LOL at the Jew York Times shilling for Donald Drumpf.

Slacktivist

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7015 on: November 08, 2018, 12:37:00 AM »
+5
I agree with the sentiment that Lightning Knight is a lazy dope for just smashing multiple threads together and shouting "if you feel overrun by shitposts ignore more people and post in other threads!"

Quote from: Z. Autobahn
As soon as the 538 model glitched out, I had to close my computer and go play videogames for two hours to avoid a full-blown panic meltdown. When I came back, I fully expected the House to be red, so it was honestly a pleasant surprise.

Quote from: Ague Proof
I had to turn everything off once it went down to 2/3 and distracted myself for a few hours, and for three few hours I thought it was going to be a complete wash. Just resigned to losing everything. Taking the House was a nice surprise, but seeing 'Gillum concedes' out of context hurt.

Quote from: Shimrra Jamaane
Anyone else still really really pissed at Nate and his wild fucked up Live Model that gave us all direct flashbacks to 2016 except with the additional knowledge that if we didn’t take the House it was Game fucking Over for real?

We had it the whole time honest guys I wasn't crying at my monitor or nothing

Quote from: Shimrra Jamaane
If we come out of last night with 37 seats in the House and “only” losing 2 seats in the Senate then sorry, it was a legit Wave.

ORANGE MAN BAD B T F O

Quote from: Lightning Knight
I wouldn't be so confident declaring this considering most of the East Coast will be underwater by 2040 my dude.

Quote from: Strange Poon
There is a larger point here, too. We already are not addressing Climate Change quick enough and if the Senate is key to a functioning Government, and will be under Republican control another election, then we are well and truly fucked barring some massive technological innovation.

2040 won't just have the East Coast underwater, we're looking at increasingly awful catastrophes that may not cause civilization to collapse but will definitely be seized on by the right wing to ramp up the fascism. I think the long game is favoring the left but we unfortunately do not have a lot of time.

World collapse in 24 years declares two sane men.

Quote from: cheetah7071
My model is the bronze age collapse here. Lower population, people spending more time surviving and less time making trade goods, a collapse of the governmental systems that kept things safe and encouraged trade, and refugee armies making travel unsafe.

Quote from: Majorian
Been reading "1177 BC," have you? Damn good book, and important too.

I think a lot of these goofy goons have guilt about how easy their lives are and fantasize about roughing it for the 2-3 days they'd be alive in an actual post-apocalypse.

Quote from: Deified Data
Your mom is right, we're gonna be obstructionist as fuck. This is good because we are good. When they did it it was bad because they were bad. It sounds simplistic but it's clear. They believe the same thing about us, which is why calling people on their hypocrisy is pointless, they don't acknowledge it as such. When they go low we kick them.

Quote from: Majorian
Amen. It's important to have a sense of moral clarity about these things. Fascism is bad. Racism is bad. Capitalism is bad. You don't motivate your coalition without a sense of moral clarity.

Blue Team Good

Red Team Bad

NPC Smart

Quote from: Random Stranger
And as someone who is getting out of a deep red area in the relatively near future, why would I stay someplace that is engaged in self-destructive behavior, minimal jobs for skilled workers, low pay, no culture (actual conversation I have had: "There isn't a decent restaurant within five hundred miles of here." "What are you talking about? The Chinese buffet is only a ten mile drive."), and effectively no chance of it changing any time soon? Gee, I can make myself miserable for decades on the off chance that a shift occurs, or I can shift myself to someplace decent now.

...

I don't want to go down this rabbit hole too far, but every place I've eaten in this area has been at best a 2 out 5 in any urban area and I'm three hours away from a large urban area in any direction (yes, that's less than 500 miles, allow me some hyperbole). We're talking the kind of place that considers Olive Garden to be high end Italian cuisine.

Ethnic restaurants argument strikes again.

Quote from: Phi230
If we toom the leftist position to arm the poor and people of color with public money you'll get the chuds on board with gun control just saying

This gem again. Do liberals actually think minorities have a lot of trouble getting guns in America?

Slacktivist

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7016 on: November 08, 2018, 10:48:58 AM »
+6
Quote from: PT6A
I still don't understand how the people of Texas could go against the wishes of Known Awesome Texan Willie Nelson by not electing Beto.

BUT CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT

Quote from: CuddleCryptid
It bothers me that I am so desensitized to murder that RBG being injured registers 10x more than a mass shooting

Quote from: GreyjoyBastard
god fucking damn it rbg

that is all

Quote from: Sanguinia
I literally feel like I'm going to puke. My brain is struggling to complete thoughts. I'm just started a full day of teaching and it took me almost 20 minutes to fumble through 5 minutes of today's lesson content. RBG was my hero in law school. I seriously think I'm on the verge of a literal nervous breakdown right now.

Quote from: Shimrra Jamaane
Thankfully RBG is famously dedicated to her health and wellbeing. She’s not an average 85 year old lady, she’s closer to one of those 80 year old skiers who regularly go down black diamond trails.

Quote from: Toaster Beef
She broke some ribs and shrugged it off for a while before finally going to the hospital. I know old folks falling and suffering trauma tends to mean they go downhill quickly, but with how well she takes care of herself it's way too early to assume this is the beginning of the end for her.

It beeeeeegiiiiiiinsss

Quote from: groovelord neato
you probably would’ve had a blue tsunami had mueller done the right thing and leaked before the elections but republicans gonna republican.

"But that time the FBI leaked stuff on Hillary before the 2016 primary was pure evil."

Quote from: mango sentinel
I am finding it progressively more difficult to imagine a world where our politics are not permanently and increasingly fucked.

Quote from: Brony Car
Someone could shut down Fox News and I think we'd all be surprised at how much that would accomplish.

The fascists are ruining our way of life! What if we beat them to the punch by shutting down the parts of the press we don't like?

Quote from: ummel
Honestly court expansion should happen just so the "value" of justices goes down. Even if it's a "balanced" packing.

lol at lowkey "gee if we packed the court we'd keep it fair and balanced honest wink" posting by some faggot who'd be happier than a pig in shit if Hillary was appointing justices instead. Would be telling off conservatives for their sinful attempt to gerrymander the SC.

unprivsplain

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7017 on: November 08, 2018, 11:33:00 AM »
+3
Goons really think Mueller is still building a case against Trump after 5 plea deals (half of which were a year ago), and a couple of wire taps.

Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7018 on: November 08, 2018, 12:55:34 PM »
+3
Honestly this thread should be in the other part of the site with the Trump thread.

a torrent of piss

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7019 on: November 08, 2018, 02:52:09 PM »
+3
Capitalism bad!

So what's the alternative?


UHHHHHHHHHHH?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Bitter Weirdo

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7020 on: November 08, 2018, 04:39:33 PM »
+5
Honestly this thread should be in the other part of the site with the Trump thread.

Nah, it's cool here. Thing is most of the good D&D posts right now are Trump related salt.

Michael Obama's Miscarriage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7021 on: November 08, 2018, 06:42:07 PM »
+8
Quote
I wouldn't be so confident declaring this considering most of the East Coast will be underwater by 2040 my dude.

what are they going to do when their doomsday cult's predictions dont pan out in 20 years? drink the kool aid? or follow the al gore model and keep screeching about it hoping nobody realizes all of your predictions were laughably wrong?

its just a good reminder how dumb these people are. its not that they're dumb because they believe climate change theory. they're dumb because they don't understand climate change theory, and they want you dead if you're not lock-step with their delusional interpretations of science they don't understand and studies they've never read. i call it ted talk militantism.

the dumb little inconsequential, evergreen things can be quite insightful in our quest to figure out what the fuck is wrong with goons.
« Last Edit: November 08, 2018, 06:50:04 PM by daddys cummies »
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unprivsplain

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7022 on: November 08, 2018, 07:18:23 PM »
+8
Anyone older than 20 remembers that 2015 was the point of no return and we'd all by dead by then.

Jim Acostas Impotent Rage

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7023 on: November 09, 2018, 08:20:00 AM »
+4
Does having a dead soul count?

a torrent of piss

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Re: D&D Funny Quotes Thread
« Reply #7024 on: November 09, 2018, 11:00:46 AM »
+4
Anyone older than 20 remembers that 2015 was the point of no return and we'd all by dead by then.
The ice of Mt. Kilimanjaro would melt and flood the african plains drowning the entire continent of africa in the process.