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Author Topic: A strange thing happened today  (Read 5684 times)

OSI

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A strange thing happened today
« on: June 12, 2014, 07:34:49 PM »
+24
I was in Tempe today at the Filiberto's, looking to scratch an itch I had been nursing with a steak and egg breakfast burrito.  Ahead of me were two of the local ASU female hipster types, with one wearing a shirt that said PEOPLE ARE NEVER ILLEGAL.  They ordered their food (some sort of taco bullshit), and as they walked by me one of them fell. Since my reflexes are razor sharp, I managed to catch her before she fell. I could tell she was obviously othered by me, and had no choice but to stammer out "T-t-t-thank you."

Her friend screamed "NO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" while I grinned like a shark.

"It," I said, and it kicked off a resonance that first shot up to Seattle, where a mechanic suddenly felt power flow through him as he worked on some hippie's Prius with an OBAMA: LIKE A BOSS bumper sticker on the back, among others.  His shirt burst off him as his gynomastecia reversed itself, powering into mighty pecs that burst his work shirt off of him as his veins swelled with suddenly vascularity.  Roaring with newfound testosterone, he punched the Prius in its bumper, whereupon strange energies alit upon it and metal shrieked as it was reworked into a new form: a hellish dragster spitting pure smog from its tail pipes as the mechanic roared off into Seattle.

"Was," I echoed, and somewhere in the western plains a man cluched his chest, his neck muscles popping in response to the sudden demands placed on his system as the surge of manliness smacked into him. His Carhart shirt, once too large for him, now could only barely contain the virile musculature that threatened to burst every stictch on it. His beard grew double its size, as wiry and bristly as the Alaskan forests, and he staggered for purchase, his hand touching his gelding. The beast screeched as its severed testicles regenerated, but at twice the size, and new muscles formed instantly.  Turning his head and sniffing, the new man ran after the cattle he was tracking at a lope, his loyal steed following in his wake.

The hipsters were quivering now, with one of them screaming "NO DON'T" and the illegal cooks behind the counter stumbling over themselves to escape what happened next. My grin nearly split my face as I said "My," and the rush surged down to Austin.  There, a balding late night tv look alike stopped posting on Huff Post to slam his fist into the wall, new thoughts and ideas racing through him.  His Target slacks shredded at the calves as he felt the veil of moderation shred away from him, his mind suddenly exposed to the purifying righteousness of clear thought.  "I HATE NIGGERS!" the sysadmin shouted to the sky, his wife dropping to her knees with excitement, but not knowing why.  Only when the new man walked into the hallway did she know: His rippling pectorals danced under his skin,  while his forearm muscles quivered as he patched and coded forums instantaneously with one hand while stroking the lush mane of hair that grew from his head, glistening in the sun.

Obese-n-Triggered

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2014, 10:23:19 PM »
+1
 :allears:

OSI

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2014, 12:10:32 AM »
+21
The surge jumped from Austin to Dallas, where a slight Mexican man shoved himself away from his keyboard. He saw his skin becoming swarthier as it swelled with wiry, field worker muscle, and he tore his t shirt away from his body to see a tattoo forming on his chest: an eagle grasping a snake on a cactus. Gasping, he looked to see ink appearing on his forearms: LOL on one arm, and U MAD? on the other. He knew what was happening, and accepted it as his Danny Trevino mustache tickled the sides of his lips. He grabbed a non ironic trucker hat and stepped outside, where he danced around an imaginary sombrero. Blue fire alit on the sidewalk, and cries of YI YI YI could be heard for miles as a lowrider topless El Dorado rose from nothingness.  The Uberixican hopped in the driver's seat, and roared towards Austin. As he passed flame wars turned into vendettas that saw nerds killing each other as they ascended the U Mad pyramid. Quatzecoatl was pleased.

I leaned over the two sniveling hipsters, feeling my neck muscles begin to seizure as I forced the first syllable out from between my lips. "PRIV!" I uttered, and it was a peal of purifying thunder, racing around the world and heard by all. Roosters looked up from their coops and then hurled themselves skywards, flying towards their ancient battlegrounds.  Riding a rush of superheated water from an underground volcano, an ancient megaladon leaped into the air off the coast of California, hurling a Jurassic egg towards San Francisco before landing on a sailboat full of homosexual pedophiles and killing them all.  It then rushed towards the South Pacific, eager to serve its purpose.

The wave of All That Is Man caused an overweight man child to look up in fear in Pittsburgh, and dive for his hugbox made of Legos. It was no use, as the force slammed into him and would not be shunted aside.  Unable to process the strange new manly emotions ripping through his body, it broke him down into his base components of processed sugar and spaghettios, leaving one final mess for his long suffering wife to clean up.

"IL!" I said from between bloody lips, and the rolling energy doubled upon itself and intensified once more.  Jews found themselves forcibly shifting into their insect forms if they were not in their protective nests lined with foreskins, unable to resist the surge of Aryan virility that slammed into them. Kayaks across Canada lay empty but for scorpions and cockroaches.  The roosters continued their epic battle to determine who would be Emperor-Knight of Roosterdom, only wounding each other's pride in the vicious affairs. The crackling surge wrapped itself around the Jurassic egg, empowering the fossilized fetus inside and forcing it back to life in a roaring affair as the Triceratops grew to adult size.  It threw 100 plus years of paleontology to the wayside as it immediately devoured any nearby faggots, liberals, and other assorted human trash to fuel its surge.

These same human traitors fell to their knees, eyes wide at the blackening sky as across the world clouds began to gather.  Those that were possessed by greater demons felt a sense of dread approaching, while the lesser demons infesting sodomites, feminists, atheists, and goons were banished back to Hell, their human hosts erupting in blood from total aortic aneurysms.

In Australia, a Chinaman stopped doing nerd equations for fun and instead began powering through relativistic equations with one hand while his other engineered something totally unseen by human eyes before.  He did not question it, nor did he question the Shaolin physique he was developing.  Through his window, in a wash of cherry blossoms, swept a yellow tracksuit with black stripes up either side.  He did not see it until he was done building the glowing, pulsating rifle, but he put it on. It felt right.

OSI

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2014, 01:04:33 AM »
+20
Stepping outside, the yellow garbed Asian pointed his rifle towards Sydney, and pulled the trigger. There was a brief hum, and then light lanced from the barrel of the weapon. It rushed skywards arching high in the ethersphere before splitting into a thousand individual bolts of light.  Each one unerringly found a filthy Paki, dothead, or goon and disintegrated them instantly.  "Me rikey," he whispered softly, and then cocked his head.

He could hear further north the screams of those who fled the rippling, muscular Australian who strode from the Army base, wearing only a pair of cut off cargo shorts, boots, and a hat lined with the teeth of crocodiles. "Crikey!" he said as he ripped one filthy curry smelling shit dothead into two before he could sexually harass another white woman.

And then the wave raced further west, where a young man piloted a dragon boat into the open ocean as he began to grow facial hair and muscles for the first time in his life.  The wood shattered under him due to the power of his strokes, but immediately he was swept up by a Megaladon appearing under him, allowing him to ride on its head as the due swept north, smashing through boats full of filthy illegals trying to enter White Australia.

"EGE!" I blurted out, and like the falcon seeking its prey, the Man Force swept upon me, utterly annihilating the sobbing hipsters.  Lightning crackled along my body as I felt a great tearing pain inside, and struggled about, my shoulders becoming massive as I smashed through doorways and brought the taco shop down around my ears with my flailing.

High above, a drone sent all this to its master's bunker in Hasbara HQ. The Menorah Meter was a full seven candles, and the rabbis wiped the blood of children from their lips, hoping I had destroyed myself.

No! A mighty fist arose from the ruins, and to it flew my Crossfit sledgehammer, inscribed with runes of Eastern Mysticism on one side and a cross on the other! I staggered from the wreckage, swollen and vascular with the power of MAN, my mom jeans and Wal Mart polo perfectly displaying every muscle.  Illegals and niggers exploded where they stood, tax dollars flowing back to hardworking Americans immediately!

But this was just the beginning. I raised two fingers to my lips, and blew.

OSI

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2014, 01:10:43 AM »
+19
The roar of the bear, the cry of the eagle, and the howl of the wolf simultaneously echoed across the US of A.

The triceratops looked up from his feast in the Castro District, belched fire, and then began running for Arizona.

The smoking ruins of Seattle behind him, a man turned from the thousands of orcas that were arrayed in front of him. He raised a hand, and they spread out to do holy work as he turned to his dragster and headed south.

In the plains, a thousand mighty bulls, alike to aurochs of old, stopped in their tracks.  The wild man heard, and began heading south as well with his mighty steed, and the bulls followed.

Riding down the I40 came the Mexican and the Admin Without Fault.  They had heard, and would answer my call.  The deal was sealed as with a single click of a box, chimes in chat were silenced and stopped annoying the fuck out of everyone.

The Emperor-Knight of the Roosters demanded his people arm themselves, and a thousand weaponized roosters, armed with steel gaffs (that metal most foul to the Jewry), flew into the sky.

I head north now, to the Grand Canyon, where the Devil landed after Saint Michael banished him from Heaven. It was a fitting place to start, empowered as I was by the Priv Force.  My allies would be arriving, and the easy stuff had been done.

It was, you could say, a man's job that awaited us all. :smug:

~el fin~

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2014, 02:47:52 AM »
+1
Is there more?  If not, this can be Valhallaed right now. :valkyries:

SSOUL TRANN

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2014, 03:18:46 AM »
+4
Is there more?  If not, this can be Valhallaed right now. :valkyries:

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen."


Procrustes

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2014, 02:03:14 PM »
+1
Fuckin sassmine

Rocket

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2014, 05:02:44 PM »
+1
Not mentioned in story. Voted 4.
Yes, that is me in court with my enormous penis.


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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2014, 05:19:24 PM »
+1
Not mentioned in story. Voted 4.

hey, neither am i.  i retract my previous +1

OSI

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2014, 06:34:25 PM »
+3
Is there more?  If not, this can be Valhallaed right now. :valkyries:

The adventures of the Testi Corps are best continued in one's mind!....For now...

bolonium

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2014, 11:12:23 PM »
+1
:stare:

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2014, 11:23:45 PM »
+18
Not mentioned in story. Voted 4.

Pretty sure he mentioned faggots.

















































:smug:

Obese-n-Triggered

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2014, 11:36:31 AM »
+1

pavlovian hard-on

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Re: A strange thing happened today
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2014, 06:43:36 PM »
+1
eh


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